Hey big people, remember me? I’m Kublakhan. I haven’t written much, these fingers of mine have buggles of problems with these big keyboards, plus these adults never let me near the computer. Sister Satan and Lobo don’t believe I’ll behave myself.
Just because I go a little Belushi when I eat, doesn’t mean I can’t write.
You big people are always underestimating us toddlers. When we stare at you, smile and flail our arms, that is just our attempt to entertain you oversized babies.
As you probably remember, I’m Harry’s little nephew. I’ve finally developed the ability to walk and hitch a ride with folks to do the things I want to do when I want to do them. I was reading the site last week when I read about Uncle Harry going to see that Roy Rogers movie and that Gulliver’s Travels flick and I was jealous.
How come he didn’t take me?
So when he said there was a second Kiddie Matinee, I decided I just had to go.
This is my first in the field report. I’m posting this myself from home. The parents are asleep and I learned the passwords when Unca Harry was treating me like a monkey and showing me how the site worked one day. In my idle time I ban people that are rude. It is so much fun.
After hitching a ride from the fella at the corner, I was let off at the Alamo Drafthouse where I had the dickens of a time opening the door. So I just waited for a family to come by and open it for me. It was hot. There was no cool air outside the Drafthouse. Upon entering the Drafthouse, I saw that big big big flight of stairs. It scared me, so I looked around and found an up and down thing. I went inside and saw this pivot button thingee that said Up and Down, that’s just like Commander Cody’s flight suit, instructions so easy a child could use them. And that means me.
This is the slowest up & down thingee that I’ve ever been on. I got scared cuz the whole process of going from that dark pit to the light reminded me of that first time I met Mom and Dad. It was scary seeing her horns and daddy’s sharp teeth. Well, what teeth he had left anyways.
As I left the elevator this lady gave me a red ticket and put these "X" things on my two left hands. I don’t know what that means, but I have to get those off before going home, or else mom and dad will know what I’ve been up to.
I went into the theater and saw Uncle Harry and Pappy Geek. The guy in the shark was all spooky looking, so I decided not to sit with them. They also might tell mom and dad.
I sat a few rows behind them to keep from being discovered. I found out that Uncle Harry was letting Quentin Tarantino introduce this edition of the Saturday Morning Film Club. Mom has only tooken me to a couple of these. I saw THE EXPLORERS once, and that was really really fun. I also saw JASON & THE ARGONAUTS, and I liked that part where the big metal guy makes those big people feel like little babies. I wish I could be like the big metal guy a lot.
I can’t believe Quentin Tarantino is here. I’ve seen all his movies. Mommy loves them. I liked it a whole bunch when they make the mess in that one car and they have to clean it up. I make messes in cars all the time, but my mommy cleans them up. But I think when you get older, you have to clean up the messes you make. I think that was what Tarantino was saying in that movie. You have to clean up your own messes. Bummer. But true.
This guy got up on the stage, I think he had something to do with the Alamo, but I can’t remember. He told us how this event was made possible by the Austin Film Society, something about a Broad Jumping and my uncle’s site. He said that Uncle Harry throws a Butt-Nummy-Thon that pays for these events all year long, and that he would be introducing Mr Quentin, but that he was glued to his seat because he hasn’t left it for 6 days. I don’t know if that is true or not, my uncle is kinda weird.
Mr Quentin went up on this thing that made him even bigger and he grabbed this rattle that made his voice louder. I could use one of those. He welcomed us all to the showing of NEVER A DULL MOMENT and THE INCREDIBLE MR TOAD.
He said that NEVER A DULL MOMENT was rereleased in the 70s with THE THREE CABALLEROS, I love that cartoon. My dad, Lobo, shows me THE THREE CABALLEROS almost as much as PINNOCHIO. Mr Quentin said that he didn’t have THE THREE CABALLEROS, so he would show us THE INCREDIBLE MR TOAD.
Then he asked how many of us kids had been to Disneyland. I haven’t been to Disneyland, but a lot of the kids here have. That isn’t any fair. Even Uncle Harry raised his hand and Pappy Geek and that Shark Eaten guy! Then Mr Quentin asked how many rode on MR TOAD’S WILD RIDE. Again Uncle Harry raised his hand. That isn’t any fair. Mr Quentin said, "If you’ve rode the ride you’ve lived the movie!" I want to live the movie. I think I would.
Mr Quentin then was going to give out prizes to kids with red tickets. He called out numbers, but I did not have those numbers. But two other kids did. Nicholas and Victoria. They were bigger than me. They won BALLOON ANIMALS kit and BALLOON HAT kit.
Before the movie started I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and ice cream and root beer. The lady that took the order didn’t understand me, so I had to point… real slow for her to understand. Big People are so difficult.
The movie started and was called THE ADVENTURES OF ICHABOD AND MR TOAD! Uncle Harry showed me this movie once on his computer. He put a DVD frisbee thing in his computer and it started playing the movie. I really like the pumpkin head guy, he reminded me of the beginning of NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS which is the greatest movie ever made besides PINNOCHIO.
The first part of the cartoon movie is about a frog named Jay Thaddeus Toad. He’s also in a story that my Mom, Sister Satan, read to me a couple of months ago called THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS. The same writer person, Kenneth Grahame I believe, wrote another cartoon I saw called THE RELUCTANT DRAGON, I saw the book at the library, but Mom wouldn’t let me have it. I tear pages when I try to turn them.
Mr Toad is a really nice guy, he likes to run and have fun and go fast. I like the wind blowing past my face when I go fast, but like me he is always crashing into things and breaking them. He doesn’t seem to have a mommy and daddy to clean up his messes, and these other people seem to get mad at him for not cleaning up his messes.
At another point Mr Toad gets in trouble for having a car that everyone thinks he took, but he didn’t took it, he bought it. But noone believes him and they put him in this dark scary room for quiet time, I hate quiet time. I like making noises and hearing noises. Quiet is no fun. Mr Toad hates the quiet too. And with his friend the horse he breaks out to go do what he wants again. That’s kinda like what I did today.
These weasels, I’ve seen these guys in WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT? But Mr Toad hasn’t seen WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT and doesn’t know that weasels work for the bad man. And now the weasels and the bad man have his house.
The movie is very fun. I liked it a whole bunch and was anxious to see the pumpkin head guy again, but the movie stopped. I really wanted to see the pumpkin head guy. I was about to tell everyone that I wanted to see pumpkin head guy, but the nice lady brought me my sandwich and ice cream and root beer.
Mom never brings me ice cream. We should have a menu at home that I can point to what I want. That would be good.
Mr Quentin went up on the stage again and picked up that loud rattle thing and told us all about NEVER A DULL MOMENT.
He said that NEVER A DULL MOMENT was a kid version of a Gangster movie. My favorite gangster movie is ANGELS WITH DIRTY FACES. I like it when James Cagney cries when they try to put him in that high chair. I don’t like high chairs either.
The movie was directed by Jerry Paris. Mr Quentin tells us that he also was Jerry the Dentist on The Dick Van Dyke show and that he directed every episode of something called HAPPY DAYS. But I remember Jerry Paris from THE CAINE MUTINY. He wasn’t in it much, but I like that movie. I get upset when people eat my strawberries too.
Mr Quentin tells us that Edward G Robinson and Henry Silva are in the movie. Edward G Robinson was really good in that movie with that fat sheriff guy from that movie with that guy that acted with all the monkeys on that planet. I liked that scene in the clock a lot. It reminded me of one of my favorite cartoons, THE CLOCK CLEANERS. Goofy is really good in that cartoon, though I thought Mickey was underused. Donald Duck and the spring was the best part though. And Henry Silva was really good in that movie with TWIKI!
And he also told us about Dick Van Dyke being in the movie. I like Dick Van Dyke. I’ve seen him in his other two movies, CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG and MARY POPPINS, and he was really good in both.
The movie starts and it was just like a gangster movie but silly. Dick Van Dyke plays a gangster on TV and he gets mistaken for a hitman in reality. This is just like in El Mariachi when the guy who plays the guitar is mistaken for the guy that has a case full of guns. I don’t know if Dick Van Dyke can play the guitar or not, but he can’t kill noone because he is a good guy and good guys don’t do that. Well, the gangster bossman, who likes to make messy paintings like me, wants to steal a really big painting of sunflowers so that the world will know what a smart thief he was when he dies.
I thought this movie was excellent. Dick Van Dyke plays an actor that never can stop acting or he could be dead. Everyone thinks he’s Ace Williams, but the real Ace Williams is that bad guy from HOT LEAD AND COLD FEET! So Dick Van Dyke goes from being a touchy feely actor boy, to being a tough mean gangster. He also learns that the gangster he is supposed to be gets really silly when he is drunk, so when he is caught with a sip of the good stuff, he acts drunk like my Uncle Harry does. These scenes are really funny. Especially when he is walking on the outside of this building really high up like Sweet Pea in that one Popeye Cartoon that they turned into that really bad movie BABY’S DAY OUT.
This movie was really fun. My uncle seemed to enjoy it quite a bit. He was making notes all through the film of dialogue. I remember when Edward G Robinson slaps this guy then scolds him by saying, "Stop that bleeding, it’s stupid" then he does it again later in the movie and scolds the guy again saying, "What are you always bleeding for?"
I think one guy in the movie was the voice for Old Bob in THE BLACK HOLE (a really fun movie I like), when he was serving these little food treats he kept asking "Our Doobers" which I guess means ‘do you want little snack things?’
I saw lots of happy parents and happy kids after the movie. All I know is the movie was fun. It made me want to go undercover in a vast criminal organization and lock them all up, but I felt sorry for Edward G Robinson because all he wanted was an ugly painting of sunflowers. It’s not like he wanted DEATH DEALER or Dali’s Alice series. And he didn’t get it so I don’t understand why he was being taken away for quiet time. That’s not fair. But then I never understand why I am being taken away for quiet time.
Now, Uncle Harry if you read this please don’t tell mom and dad and please take me along to all of these movies. Mom and Dad are so busy with that video store that they never take me to movies ever since I started reviewing THE MUMMY RETURNS while I was watching it. Mommy must have understood though because we left.
And all you other big people out there, you should show your little people movies just like these. We like them!
Kublakhan.
