Harry here... It is hard to believe that a movie with a cast this strong is as bad as this sounds, but... life is like a box of chocolates ya know? Heh... Here's Agent Kushing, he's been with us a long time, trust him...
Hey Harry,
Unfortunately I am writing to you with my second horrible review from New Line Cinema's latest in the last week. The first being, Simone. This movie, the Knockaround Guys, made Simone look like Dances With Wolves. This truly might have been the worst mob movie ever!!!!!! No lie, it was worse than Oscar with Stallone. I thought it might have been that New Line lost DeLuca, but then I saw DeLuca's name in the credits as one of the producers and realized that this movie wasn't released for the past two years for a reason. I realize now that they will release this about a month after "XXX" to capitalize on Vin Diesel, smart move, the only smart thing associated with this film.
There are going to be several spoilers in my review, but who cares, this movie is that horrible that I want to ruin it for you so you don't see it. I'm doing you a favor. Trust me.
The premise is this: Dennis Hopper and Malkovich are Brooklyn Gangsters. Malkovich is sporting a water-down version of his Teddy KGB accent from Rounders. Hopper is in the movie for about 10 minutes in total. His son, Barry Pepper, and his friends, Vin Diesel, Seth Green and someone else I never saw before want their chance to prove themselves in this "line of work". Hopper and Malkovich are extremely hesitant and Malkovich persuades Hopper to give them a shot. Their assignment, to pick up a bag full of money in Washington and return it to Washington.
Of course they lose the bag. Seth Green, playing another weasel role, gets doped up and when he lands his small plane to refuel, he runs into some local cops. He gets scared and ditches the bag which gets picked up by two local skycaps, who are stoners and the only funny thing in the movie. They pick up the bag, find the money and start spending.
Barry Pepper, who vowged for Seth Green has his neck on the line and gets his boys out to Montana to get the bag back. Vin Diesel beats the crap out of the toughest guy in town to scare him, so he'll help him get his money back. He gives a speech about 500, 500 street fights make you tough, and I stopped counting then, I was about 10 then. Just stupid. The other dumb thing is that they make Vin Diesel's character Jewish, but it never comes into play. Yet he has a huge Jewish Star tattooed on his arm. You think that it would come up, it doesn't. Also, why is Vin Diesel so loyal to Barry Pepper that he takes a bullet for him? Never say why and after seeing this, you won't care.
Turns out that the kids that stole the bag of money are the sons of the local sheriff and he finds the money and wants to keep the money. Barry Pepper tells the cops who he and his father are and the cops get scared and say lets make a deal. They all try to double cross one another to get the money and in doing so, Vin Diesel proves that he was born to hold a gun on the big screen and that you don't have a moment of revelation, 6 different guns all aimed in opposite directions and a turn coat come back to save the day all at the same time and not expect the hero to get shot. Just horrible. Vin Diesel saves Barry Pepper's life and Barry realizes that Malkovich has been conning his father, Hopper, for many years and now he must kill him. Barry Pepper, who never pulled the trigger before, finally does and Barry and Vin head back to Brooklyn with the money. They give the money to Dennis Hopper and Barry Pepper says, that he doesn't want this life or his father's help and walks out and the movie ends with him proving himself to his father, even though 8 people died and some of the money is missing and the feds will be all over them. That's how it ends, with Barry Pepper and Vin Diesel getting into a Van and riding off into the sunset. Sound lame? It is.
As for Barry Pepper, I don't know if I've ever seen a more miscast gangster ever. He is a Midwestern guy, playing a Brooklyn guy that is trying to outsmart a Midwestern guy. Sound confusing? I realize that they didn't want someone too hard for the role, as he was supposed to be timid and not a real thug, but a real guy who has a heart. So why not use Michael Rappaport, he would have been much better. As said earlier, Seth Green plays a weasel and they warn him not to screw up and of course he does. Does he have any range? His agent sucks, he needs different roles. Vin Diesel is Vin Diesel, actions speak louder than words and he is all action. He looks like an action star, talks like one and after this summer, he will be one. Only thing that can hurt him is if people see this movie. Stay away.
Agent Kushing
