The Fall Season Starts!!

I am – Hercules!!

Well, kinda. Because you can find fresh episodes of “The Drew Carey Show,” “Whose Line Is It Anyway” and “Monday Night Football” on ABC this eve.

See Drew Carey dance here.

So brace yourself for more jokes from Mimi, who continues, I understand, to wear too much make-up and call Carey "pig." And then get excited for the fellows who have to make up little skits about the large phallic pieces of foam and whatnot they're handed. And then there's a football game, which I guess no one has ever seen before. Good luck with that, ABC.

Some, like myself, will – with all due respect to “Mad TV” and “America’s Most Wanted – clock the start of the season on Sunday, with the arrival of new “Sopranos” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm” installments.

Here’s all the premiere dates, arranged chronologically.

• Drew Carey Show (ABC) 8 p.m. Sept. 9
• Whose Line Is It Anyway? (ABC) 8:30 p.m. Sept. 9
• Monday Night Football (ABC) 9 p.m. Sept. 9

• Family Affair (WB) 8 p.m. Sept. 12

• Cops (Fox) 8 p.m. Sept. 14
• America's Most Wanted (Fox) 9 p.m. Sept. 14
• Mad TV (Fox) 11 p.m. Sept. 14

• Sopranos(HBO) 9 p.m. Sept. 15
• Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO) 10 p.m. Sept. 15
• Mind of the Married Man (HBO) 10:30 p.m. Sept. 15

• 7th Heaven (WB) 8 p.m. Sept. 16
• Everwood (WB) 9 p.m. Sept. 16

• 8 Simple Rules... (ABC) 8 p.m. Sept. 17
• That '70s Show (Fox) 8 p.m. Sept. 17
• Grounded for Life (Fox) 8:30 p.m. Sept. 17
• Life With Bonnie (ABC) 8:30 p.m. Sept. 17
• Push, Nevada (ABC) 9 p.m. Sept. 17
• Real World XXII (MTV) 10 p.m. Sept. 17

• Bernie Mac Show (Fox) 8 p.m. Sept. 18
• Enterprise (UPN) 8 p.m. Sept. 18
• Cedric the Entertainer Presents (Fox) 8:30 p.m. Sept. 18
• Fastlane (Fox) 9 p.m. Sept. 18
• Twilight Zone (UPN) 9 p.m. Sept. 18

• Survivor (CBS) 8 p.m. Sept. 19
• Do Over (WB) 8:30 p.m. Sept. 19
• JKX: The Jamie Kennedy Experiment (WB) 9 p.m. Sept. 19
• Off Centre (WB) 9:30 p.m. Sept. 19

• Firefly (Fox) 8 p.m. Sept. 20
• What I Like About You (WB) 8 p.m. Sept. 20
• Sabrina, The Teenage Witch (WB) 8:30 p.m. Sept. 20
• John Doe (Fox) 9 p.m. Sept. 20
• Reba (WB) 9 p.m. Sept. 20
• Greetings From Tucson (WB) 9:30 p.m. Sept. 20

• Fear Factor (NBC) 8 p.m. Sept. 23
• King of Queens (CBS) 8 p.m. Sept. 23
• Parkers (UPN) 8 p.m. Sept. 23
• One on One (UPN) 8:30 p.m. Sept. 23
• Yes, Dear (CBS) 8:30 p.m. Sept. 23
• Everybody Loves Raymond (CBS) 9 p.m. Sept. 23
• Girlfriends (UPN) 9 p.m. Sept. 23
• Crossing Jordan (NBC) 9:30 p.m. Sept. 23
• Half and Half (UPN) 9:30 p.m. Sept. 23
• Still Standing (CBS) 9:30 p.m. Sept. 23
• CSI: Miami (CBS) 10 p.m. Sept. 23

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer (UPN) 8 p.m. Sept. 24
• Gilmore Girls (WB) 8 p.m. Sept. 24
• In-Laws (NBC) 8 p.m. Sept. 24
• JAG (CBS) 8 p.m. Sept. 24
• Just Shoot Me (NBC) 8:30 p.m. Sept. 24
• Frasier (NBC) 9 p.m. Sept. 24
• Guardian (CBS) 9 p.m. Sept. 24
• Haunted (UPN) 9 p.m. Sept. 24
• Smallville (WB) 9 p.m. Sept. 24
• Hidden Hills (NBC) 9:30 p.m. Sept. 24
• NYPD Blue (ABC) 10 p.m. Sept. 24
• Presidio Med (CBS) 10 p.m. Sept. 24

• Ed (NBC) 8 p.m. Sept. 25
• My Wife and Kids (ABC) 8 p.m. Sept. 25
• 60 Minutes II (CBS) 8 p.m. Sept. 25
• Bachelor (ABC) 9 p.m. Sept. 25
• West Wing (NBC) 9 p.m. Sept. 25
• MDs (ABC) 10 p.m. Sept. 25

• Friends (NBC) 8 p.m. Sept 26
• Scrubs (NBC) 8:30 p.m. Sept 26
• CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS) 9 p.m. Sept 26
• Will & Grace (NBC) 9 p.m. Sept 26
• Good Morning Miami (NBC) 9:30 p.m. Sept 26
• ER (NBC) 10 p.m. Sept 26
• Without a Trace (CBS) 10 p.m. Sept 26

• America's Funniest Home Videos (ABC) 8 p.m. Sept. 27
• 48 Hours (CBS) 8 p.m. Sept. 27
• Hack (CBS) 9 p.m. Sept. 27
• That Was Then (ABC) 9 p.m. Sept. 27
• Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC) 10 p.m. Sept. 27
• Robbery Homicide Division (CBS) 10 p.m. Sept. 27
• 20/20 (ABC) 10 p.m. Sept. 27

• Touched by an Angel (CBS) 8 p.m. Sept. 28
• District (CBS) 9 p.m. Sept. 28
• Agency (CBS) 10 p.m. Sept. 28

• 60 Minutes (CBS) 7 p.m. Sept. 29
• Wonderful World of Disney (ABC) 7 p.m. Sept. 29
• American Dreams (NBC) 8 p.m. Sept. 29
• Charmed (WB) 8 p.m. Sept. 29
• Alias (ABC) 9 p.m. Sept. 29
• Law & Order: Criminal Intent (NBC) 9 p.m. Sept. 29
• Boomtown (NBC) 10 p.m. Sept. 29
• Practice (ABC) 10 p.m. Sept. 29

• Third Watch (NBC) 9 p.m. Sept. 30

• According to Jim (ABC) 8:30 p.m. Oct. 1
• Less Than Perfect (ABC) 9:30 p.m. Oct. 1
• Judging Amy (CBS) 10 p.m. Oct. 1

• Dawson's Creek (WB) 8 p.m. Oct. 2
• George Lopez (ABC) 8:30 p.m. Oct. 2
• Amazing Race 3 (CBS) 9 p.m. Oct. 2
• Law & Order (NBC) 10 p.m. Oct. 2

• Providence (NBC) 8 p.m. Oct. 4

• Saturday Night Live (NBC) 11:30 p.m. Oct. 5

• Becker (CBS) 8 p.m. Oct. 6
• Bram and Alice (CBS) 8:30 p.m. Oct. 6
• Angel (WB) 9 p.m. Oct. 6

• Birds of Prey (WB) 9 p.m. Oct. 9

• Dinotopia (ABC) 8 p.m. Oct. 10

• Making the Band 2 (MTV) 9 p.m. Oct. 12

• Boston Public (Fox) 8 p.m. Oct. 21
• girls club (Fox) 9 p.m. Oct. 21

• 24 (Fox) 9 p.m. Oct. 29

• Simpsons (Fox) 8 p.m. Nov. 3
• King of the Hill (Fox) 8:30 p.m. Nov. 3
• Malcolm in the Middle (Fox) 9 p.m. Nov. 3
• Grubbs (Fox) 9:30 p.m. Nov. 3

• Futurama (Fox) 7 p.m. Nov. 10

I am – Hercules!!