A reminder first to our British cousins: Anyone who sees the new, upcoming “Farscape” episodes before they air here in the states is encouraged to submit reviews.
The next new installment, “Kansas,” airs Jan. 10 on the SciFi Channel.
The Christmas Eve marathon covers the first 11 episodes of season four and kicks off 8 a.m. But you may want to doublecheck local listings. Here’s “Nathan” with the pre-Yule rundown:
FARSCAPE 4.1 - 4.11 FAQ
What's it called?
The Christmas Eve marathon covers the first 11 episodes of season four and kicks off 8 a.m. But you may want to doublecheck local listings. Here’s “Nathan” with the pre-Yule rundown:
FARSCAPE 4.1 - 4.11 FAQ
What's it called?
Farscape, the starship show that fears no Muppet.
Who's responsible?
"Farscape" was created by Rockne S. O'Bannon of "Alien Nation" fame (and "SeaQuest" infamy), is currently overseen by David Kemper ("Star Trek: The Next Generation") and is produced by the Jim Henson Company, who create the show's creatures.
Didn't this show get cancelled?
The Sci-Fi Channel, for reasons that defy logic or explanation, yanked a promised fifth season of the show away from producers and fans at the last possible minute. (The Save Farscape site has more details.)
So Farscape's dead, right?
Sure, just like Spock at the end of "The Wrath of Khan." At the very least, cast members are talking about movies or a multi-hour TV wrap-up to the series. A lot depends on how many people tune in for the upcoming new episodes.
Why, then, is this marathon airing on Christmas Eve?
With half of Season 4 yet to air, SciFi seems to be doing its damndest to pretend the show never existed. Hence its airing of a "catch-up" marathon of the season's first half on Dec. 24, when no one could possibly have better things to do than watch 11 straight hours of television. Ahem. Set your VCRs, kids.
Why should I tune in?
Because (the excellent "Firefly" aside) Farscape is to space and aliens what "Buffy" is to vamps and graveyards. At a breakneck pace, it mocks cliches, twists plots, develops characters, and does not lack the funny. In many ways, it's a better show than "Enterprise."
What? You lie like a dog! "Enterprise" has Jolene Blalock's enormous... ears!
It certainly does. But aside from "Enterprise's" lavish special effects and the cheery Dr. Phlox, the latest "Star Trek" series seems a stodgy, rote and utterly predictable affair next to Farscape. It groans under the expectations and demands of thirty-five years of fandom. And if you're in it for the sexy chicks alone, Farscape outguns "Enterprise," three to two.
I demand a brief recap of the series' premise!
Lost astronaut, shot to wrong side of universe, takes refuge on living ship of escaped prisoners. Tries to choose between the woman he loves and a way home, all while dodging very bad people who want him dead.
Sounds intriguing! Who are the characters?
John Crichton (Ben Browder): The aforementioned lost astronaut, a good ol' boy physicist and frequent maker of pop culture references.
Aeryn Sun (Claudia Black): Ass-kicking, emotionally scarred soldier chick in black leather, and the extremely reluctant love of Crichton's life.
Ka D'Argo (Anthony Simcoe): Giant, surly alien warrior with a cool sword-gun and... well, wait till you see what he does with his tongue.
Chiana (Gigi Edgley): Grey-skinned troublemaker and resident vixen, with funky psychic powers.
Jool (Tammy Macintosh): Outer space's very own Cordelia Chase, a snotty trust-fund brat. Expert at medicine, scientific analysis, and whining.
Sikozu (Raelee Hill): Redheaded know-it-all. Serious shortage of ethics and an odd relationship with gravity.
Noranti (Melissa Jaffer): A smelly, meddling, unpleasant old woman whom nobody likes. The only thing worse than her cooking is her approach to medicine.
Rygel: The unholy Anti-Kermit. A two-foot slug Muppet who tools around on a floating sled, stealing, eating, farting, biting-- and occasionally devising a brilliant strategy or two.
Pilot: A six-armed gentle giant who plays go-between for Moya, the living ship, and her crew.
Scorpius (Wayne Pygram): Crichton's arch-nemesis, a sunken-faced ghoul in quasi-bondage gear. More on him later.
Please, catch us up to speed plot-wise!
Crichton got lost when his NASA-ish module got sucked through a wormhole-- a rip in space. His attempts to find a way home led him to friendly aliens, who hid wormhole secrets deep in his brain. Enter Scorpius, a member of the Nazi-ish Peacekeepers, who wanted those secrets for his own ends. He tortured Crichton, then planted a chip in his brain that nearly drove him mad before it could be removed.
Crichton paid Scorpy back by destroying Scorpy's flagship (and wormhole research center), and finally unlocking the wormhole know-how that could send him home. With Scorpy apparently off their backs, Crichton's formerly fugitive pals decided to go their separate ways-- including Aeryn, despite Crichton's pleas otherwise. No sooner had she left than Crichton learned she was pregnant. To top that off, Moya got yanked down a mysterious wormhole to points unknown, leaving Crichton and his nearly depleted module adrift and alone in space.
What's so great about Scorpius, anyway?
He nibbles on chunks of human brain like they were delicious hors d'oeurves! He smiles with needly little teeth! He punishes wayward lackeys by forcing them to bite off their own fingers! He enjoys kinky sex with scorpion-headed femme fatales! He has a coolant rod chamber that whirs out from the side of his head! And sometimes, when you're not careful, you may actually feel sorry for him. He's up there with "Buffy"'s Spike in the ranks of TV's most fascinating villains.
I hate Farscape! It sucks! I want to tell everyone this on the talkbacks!
If the show's not for you, fair enough. But why spoil everyone else's fun?
When does this marathon air, again?
December 24, starting at 8 a.m. ET, on the Sci-Fi Channel.
And if I like what I see, where and when can I find new episodes?
The second half of Farscape's fourth season begins airing Fridays at 8 p.m. ET on January 10.
What's the Hercules T. Strong rating system, again?
- ***** better than we deserve
- **** better than most motion pictures
- *** actually worth your valuable time
- ** as horrible as most stuff on TV
- * makes you quietly pray for bulletins
FARSCAPE 4.1
What's it called?
"Crichton Kicks".
Who's responsible?
Executive producer David Kemper, the Joss Whedon of Farscape.
What's it about?
Crichton's peaceful existence on a dying Leviathan-- another ship of Moya's race-- is interrupted by a testy new arrival, and a pack of killers hot on her heels.
Does the season begin with Crichton starved and/or asphyxiated?
Months after the end of Season 3, he's alive and well and sporting a suspiciously Jim Henson-ish beard. He's living on a ship named Elack at the invitation of its doddering, Hepburn-ish Pilot.
How has he passed the time?
Moonshine, math, and pining for Aeryn. He's also befriended one of Elack's cuddly repair-bots (known as DRDs.)
Who's the new arrival?
Sikozu Svala Shanti Sugaysi Shanu, whose Slinky-like hairdo prompts Crichton to dub her "Sputnik."
Is Sikozu cute?
She is! Albeit in a petite, lizard-eyed, betray-you-as-soon-as-look-at-you sort of way.
Can she be trusted?
That's a big maybe.
Whyfore the pack of pursuing killers?
Sikozu is a Leviathan expert, hired by the Grudeks, a band of mercenaries who mine valuable neural tissue from old Leviathans. (Think whalers and ambergris.) Sikozu was too good, and led them to the motherlode-- a Leviathan graveyard. They'd prefer that she not ever lead anyone else to similar riches. Hence the attempts to kill her, and any other living thing aboard John's new home.
So does Crichton have to go all "Die Hard" and save Elack?
Yep-- for neither the first, nor the last time in the series. But Ben Browder's half-crazed, Bruce Campbell-style wit is so entertaining that it really doesn't matter.
Is there any sign of Aeryn?
The lovely (and bikini-clad!) Ms. Claudia Black shows up in dream sequences set on fabulous Australian beaches. Note, however, that despite the beaches and bikini, these are not exactly happy dreams.
Do any of the other regulars show up? D'Argo? Jool? Noranti?
Chiana and Rygel turn up midway through, at the worst possible time, and they do not have fun vacation stories to tell. Scorpius-- or at least, the weakened copy of him left in John's brain after the removal of that nasty chip-- also turns up in John's daydreams. "Harvey," as John calls him, sports the latest in beachwear.
What's this I hear about Chiana and psychic visions?
In season 3, an energy creature briefly possessed Chiana, leaving her with Cordy-esque glimpses of the future (complete with accompanying headaches. Paging the Powers that Be!) Her powers have now mutated-- she can "slow down" time as she perceives it to take in tiny details, but every time she does so, she's left temporarily blind.
What's good?
Sikozu. The Brindaz Hound, a Grudek pet rendered in impressive CGI. Crichton's taunting of said hound, and his choice of bait. 1812, the plucky little droid that could. Rygel's miniature soul patch.
What's not so good?
Chiana's psychic powers are awfully convenient. The Grudeks don't have a lot going for them besides their thick, Dennis Hopper-ish Slavic accents. It's a fun episode, but kind of messy.
How does it end, spoiler-boy?
Crichton does his homework, accompanied by a little Tchaikovsky.
Rating on the Herc scale:
*** (out of 5)
FARSCAPE 4.2
What's it called?
"What Was Lost Part 1: Sacrifice".
Who's responsible?
Justin Monjo, writer of many beloved "Farscape" episodes.
What's it about?
Crichton and friends reunite with more of their crewmates on a desolate planet, where an archeological dig is turning up quite a few surprises.
What's the big news?
The "Previously on Farscape" montage contains never-aired Scorpius scenes!
Such as?
Following the destruction of his command carrier, Scorpy's in very deep trouble with the Peacekeepers. His fawning lackey Braca betrays him for a promotion, and Scorpy gets imprisoned by his superior, the ice-hearted Commandant Mele'on Grayza.
Is Grayza the the one Crichton named "Commandant Cleavage?"
Yes, and the J-Lo-ish neckline of actress Robin Riggs' costume plays a significant role in the plot.
How so?
Her cleavage is eeeevil, and apparently mind-controlling to those with XY chromosomes.
Does anyone fall victim to the evil cleavage?
Braca and Crichton, to varying degrees-- and one other character as well.
How do Crichton and friends get to this archeological planet?
Spit, bailing wire, and an ever-wearier Elack.
Who do they find on the planet?
D'Argo, Jool and Noranti, along with an understaffed dig crew of Jool's species. There's also a poorly explained Creature From The Black Lagoon pastiche named Oo-Ni.
Where are Pilot and Moya?
Off stretching their legs, as it were. They're scheduled to come back and retrieve D'Argo and the rest at the end of the dig.
What's new with Crichton's previously absent friends?
Noranti and Jool can't remember their trip down the wormhole. D'Argo seems happy about the results of his quest to kill the man who framed him for his late wife's murder, though he doesn't discuss it further. Also? Jool and D'Argo have serious sexual tension going on.
Jool's an archaeologist? Huh?
It's kind of an abrupt development, but it does fit with her know-it-all ways.
What are they all digging for?
The remnants of a mysterious lost civilization, vanished after their world was destroyed by a magnetic probe that fried all life on the planet. The magnetic poles now wax and wane, and can sometimes abide life. There are detectors which indicate if the magnetic levels are rising or falling.
This sounds complicated.
Oh, but it is.
Is there any sign of Aeryn?
She's discussed, but otherwise absent.
What's good?
Grayza's jello hot tub. The Jool-D'Argo romance. The drilling beams that turn things to stone. The ever-weaselly Braca. Noranti's continuing delight in truly icky folk remedies. The nifty shooting locations. And especially what happens to Scorpius.
What's not so good?
Grayza's abrupt seduction of Crichton. Noranti's poorly justified mood swings. The low-rent visions Crichton gets of what the dig site used to look like. The viewer's frequent inability to tell what the hell is going on.
How does it end, spoiler-boy?
Noranti takes extreme measures to preserve the secrets of the dig site.
Rating on the Herc scale:
** 1/2 (out of 5)
FARSCAPE 4.3
What's it called?
"What Was Lost Part 2: Resurrection"
Who's behind it?
Same guy as part 1-- writer/producer Justin Monjo.
What's the story?
The archeological planet heats up (literally) as everyone scrambles to find the magnetic probes that first destroyed it.
The big news?
This is, if no less hectic, MUCH more entertaining than Part 1. Its third-act pyrotechnics almost make Part 1 worth sitting through.
The bigger news?
Scorpius's situation gets even worse.
How does Crichton escape last episode's cliffhanger?
He's rescued by Black Lagoon reject Oo-Ni, who suddenly gets very interested in the Darnaz Triangle.
The what what?
The Darnaz Triangle-- the three magnetic probes which turned the planet on which our crew is staying into a toasty, life-free beach resort. Apparently, finding the buried probes can restore the planet to its previous state-- or provide a handy planetkiller for some other unlucky world.
Are Jool and D'Argo still making eyes at each other?
Stay tuned for the episode's next-to-final scene.
Where did D'Argo get that wicked cool spaceship, anyway?
The big guy recovered Lo'La, named after D'Argo's dead wife, from the wreckage of a space station early in Season 3. It seemed to have been made by his species, and responds only to his DNA.
Who is this "Winona" Crichton keeps mentioning?
Winona, presumably named after a certain shoplifting starlet, is Crichton's favorite pulse pistol, and has nearly become a character in its own right.
Do any of the other crew members meet Sikozu this week?
She met D'Argo late last episode, and this week she meets up with Chiana and Jool for a memorable scene in a holding cell.
Does the memorable scene involve kissing?
No. We must, instead, settle for choking, threats, and some all-girl kung fu.
Do we learn more about Commandant Grayza's eeeevil cleavage?
We do! There's a gland in there that secretes man-bewitching pheromones-- at significant cost to Grayza.
Is Crichton still under the cleavage's sway?
Reluctantly, yes. There is leather. And a knife. And shirtless, oily Crichton.
Does Crichton break free?
His salvation involves bug guts and his nasal cavities.
What happens to Scorpius?
It begins with Crichton digging a big hole in the ground, and ends with Sikozu shrieking, "Skirnak!"
Those black-armored Peacekeeper soldiers aren't too bright, are they?
They seem to be graduates of the Stormtrooper School of Shooting A Lot Without Hitting Anyone.
Will Elack and that nice old Pilot be sticking around?
One senses that Henson is not planning a spinoff series around those two.
Will Jool be sticking around?
This episode marks beautiful Australian Tammy Macintosh's demotion from regular to recurring character.
What's up with Rygel?
Our favorite Muppet emperor spends most of his time trying to keep Elack and the old Pilot from nodding off.
Aeryn?
Not a glimpse.
Harvey?
Off taking five in John's subconscious, presumably.
Pilot or Moya?
Not this week.
What's good?
D'Argo's use of Earthling sports metaphors. The way composer Guy Gross works the show's theme into the chants of ghostly offscreen priests. Crichton's recurring gun problems. "I don't want to know where you kept that." Scorpy's haunting last line. The action-packed third act. Crichton's question to Braca. The Chiana-Jool-Sikozu scene. The golden tile. The last shot of Jool's face.
What's not so good?
This is still a more hectic, and confusing, episode than most. Noranti remains annoying. And the final twist comes out of nowhere.
How does it end?
Crichton defines his priorities.
Rating on the Herc scale:
*** 1/2 (out of five)
FARSCAPE 4.4
What's it called?
"Lava's A Many-Splendored Thing."
Who's behind it?
Teleplay credited to Michael Miller.
What's it about?
During a stopover on a volcanic planetoid, our heroes stumble upon an underground treasure trove-- and the sinister creatures who guard it.
The big news?
One of the female cast members cavorts nakedly!
Where are our heroes going at the beginning?
They're all crammed into D'Argo's ship, bored and hungry and on their way to meet Moya.
Why, then, the stopoff at the planetoid?
They make the mistake of sampling one of Noranti's offerings. Certain urgent bodily imperatives ensue.
How do they find the treasure trove?
Rygel needs someplace private to take a -- in the show's delightful alien slang-- schlock. Like Daffy Duck, he's a greedy so-and-so, and touches something he shouldn't.
Schlock. Is that like a--?
Yes. Other handy substitutes for common expletives include frell, dren, hezmana, and trelk.
Who are the sinister guardians?
Noranti says they're Tarkans, noble freedom fighters. But what with the shooting and the attempted murder and all, they sure don't act like it.
Where does the episode's title come in?
Crichton, D'Argo and Noranti get trapped underground, trying to rescue the captured (and digestively uncomfortable) Rygel. They encounter many Indiana Jones-ish lava traps, and at one point must make innovative use of D'Argo's tongue.
What about Sikozu and Chiana?
"The girls," as Crichton so progressively calls them, are stuck aboveground, trying to figure out how to use D'Argo's ship to effect a rescue. Problem is, they need D'Argo's DNA to work it.
Where can they find a sample of D'Argo's DNA?
Viewers will gain fascinating insights into D'Argo's digestive system this week.
Are we Harvey-less for a third straight week?
Harvey pops up briefly, taking every possible precaution.
What's good?
The continuing evidence that Farscape can elicit scatological laughs without ever seeming crass or stupid. Rygel's ever-worsening predicament. Those cool Tarkan shield belts. The girls' solution to their DNA shortage. The eerie and ruthless villain. And especially Noranti's diversion.
What's not so good?
Clearly, nothing of great import is meant to happen this week. But it's plenty entertaining nonetheless.
How does it end, spoiler-boy?
Our heroes get a call from a very welcome and familiar voice.
Rating on the Herc scale:
*** 1/2 (out of 5)
FARSCAPE 4.5
What's it called?
"Promises".
Who's responsible?
Producer Richard Manning, veteran of "Star Trek: TNG" and "Deep Space Nine."
What's it about?
Crichton and co. return to Moya, but their reunion is considerably more peril-fraught than they'd probably like.
The big news?
Aeryn's back!
The bigger news?
Scorpius brought her back!
Is it a happy reunion for Crichton and Aeryn?
Ha! You must be thinking of some other show. When the crew finds Aeryn during the teaser, she's deathly ill. Plus, Crichton is still miffed that Aeryn never told him she was pregnant, and when she forces him to swear he won't kill Scorpius, he doesn't get any happier.
Why can't Crichton kill Scorpius?
Because he apparently saved Aeryn's life. Scorpius says he found Aeryn adrift, dying of heat delirium. Though Aeryn looks human, her species is much less tolerant of heat. Her high fever would have killed her if not for a loan of one of Scorpy's kinky leather coolant suits.
What does Scorpy want with Moya?
Asylum from Peacekeeper persecution, perversely enough. And he says he wants to "protect" Crichton-- and his wormhole knowledge.
Why does Scorpius want these wormhole secrets, again?
Scorpy is the half-breed son of a Sebacean colonist-- one of Aeryn's species-- who was abducted and raped by the Scarrans, a race of vicious reptiles. Brought up in torture and pain, he escaped, vowing vengance upon the Scarrans. If they're not stopped, he fears they'll overrun the galaxy. The deadly capabilities of Crichton's wormhole know-how are his best bet to kill them all.
Why is Aeryn ill?
It has something to do with how she spent her time away from Moya.
Do we learn what happened to Moya on its trip down the wormhole?
Pilot is strangely evasive on the subject.
Do we get a Harvey sighting?
John's own mental Iago appears in several "Reservoir Dogs" homages this episode, attempting a frankly bizarre American accent.
With Scorpius around, doesn't that make Harvey kind of redundant?
The "real" Scorpy has apparently considered this question. His solution, naturally, involves stabbing.
Do Crichton and Aeryn talk about her pregnancy?
Almost.
D'Argo? Chiana? Noranti? Rygel? Sikozu?
They're around. Rygel saves one of his crewmates' lives-- by ramming them in the head with his hoversled.
What about Braca and Commandant Cleavage?
They've got a gigantic Leviathan-killing missile, and they're itching to test it on Moya. Freudian implications ensue.
What's good?
Claudia Black, reclaiming her rightful position as the show's MVP. The whole issue of Harvey, and the moral shades of gray accompanying its resolution. Crichton's reference to Herc's favoritest vampire slayer ever. The hilariously lustful look Sikozu shoots Scorpius upon seeing evidence of his gigantic intellect. If you only catch one episode in the marathon, this is the one to see.
What's not-so-good?
The Grayza-Braca stuff feels a bit tacked-on. And the constant emotional merry-go-round of the John-Aeryn relationship is starting to feel a bit labored. But it's still a mightily entertaining-- even riveting-- hour of television.
How does it end, spoiler-boy?
"So you could tell me if... you were pregnant?"
Rating on the Herc scale:
**** 1/2 (out of five)
FARSCAPE 1.6
What's it called?
"Natural Election".
Who's responsible?
Sophie C. Hopkins. The IMDB lists her as having contributed 3 segments to the Henry Rollins-fronted anthology "Night Visions."
What's it about?
A plantlike parasite attacks Moya, leading to a very bad day for everyone on board.
The big news?
After three-plus years of refreshing anarchy, Moya finally gets a captain.
The bigger news?
Crichton now seems to have some kind of innate understanding of wormholes-- to the point where he can predict not only where they'll open, but exactly when.
The even bigger news?
Figuring out who fathered Aeryn's child may be a bit difficult.
Why's that?
Aeryn explains that her race can hold a ready-to-gestate embryo up to seven years, and that the embryo has to be "unlocked" by a surgeon before it can begin to develop into an actual child.
Does Aeryn tell Crichton this?
Not directly. She tells Chiana, who has trouble with the whole secret-keeping thing.
What about this evil plant?
It seeps into Moya's hull, secreting acid that's slowly eating the leviathan alive.
Is Sikozu still sweet on Scorpius?
She defies the rest of the crew and rushes off to save Scorpy when his Hannibal-Lecterish cell catches on fire.
Do we get to see more of Lo'La, D'Argo's personal cruiser?
We do! Its enormous energy cannon gets a workout this week.
What's good?
The steadily growing tension. The Sikozu-Scorpius chemistry. The radiation. The nail-biting climax in the atmospheric compressor chamber, and its pants-related aftermath. What D'Argo likes. The whole intra-crew game of "telephone" regarding Aeryn's pregnancy. The plant's dislike for a certain crew member. Pilot's tally of the varying votes for Moya's captaincy.
What's not so good?
One senses that, again, the Crichton-Aeryn conflict is being milked past the point of logic just to keep the tension going.
How does it end, spoiler-boy?
"Just come back... when you have your story straight."
Rating on the Herc scale:
*** 1/2
FARSCAPE 4.7
What's it called?
"John Quixote".
Who's responsible?
Series star Ben Browder, whose inaugural Season 3 writing effort "Green-Eyed Monster" is widely considered one of the series' finest hours.
What's it about?
Crichton and Chiana find themselves stuck in a virtual reality game based on a distorted, highly fictionalized version of Crichton's life.
The big news?
A whole bunch of former regular characters show up in the course of this episode.
Is this also one of the series' finest hours?
Er... well...
How can this game know about Crichton's life?
It was designed around Crichton's memories, sold to the game's creator by Stark.
Who?
Stark (Paul Goddard), a fidgety mystic, first appeared at the end of Season 1. Stark's metal half-mask conceals a pool of radiant light where part of his face should be-- light that can help dying souls "cross over to the other side."
Sort of like John Edward?
Yes, if John Edward were the genuine article, and had been driven kind of insane by the innumerable voices of departed souls lodged in his head.
How did Stark get Crichton's memories?
In Season 3, Crichton had a run-in with a mad scientist who split him into two identical Crichtons. They got stuck on separate ships (for half a season!) and the one who was with Stark died saving the universe from the nasty fruits of wormhole technology. Before he died, he let Stark take a little piece of his soul with a message for the other Crichton.
Aside from Stark, what other familiar faces appear?
Crais (Lani Tupu) and Jool are only two of the returnees.
What's this game like?
Apparently, much of it takes place in a parking garage or on a series of soundstages. It's a bizarre, David Lynchian hodgepodge of characters from Crichton's life and elements of fairy tales.
So his old crewmates take on new guises?
Rygel's a fire-farting Black Knight. Chiana and Jool are eager potential meals for a spooky D'Argo in lederhosen. (Yes, you read that right.) Crais, Crichton's original Peacekeeper nemesis, is the Beast to Aeryn's blonde, lisping, southern-accented Beauty. Harvey shows up as a Pinocchio-nosed butler. Stark plays guide. And Zhaan is fat, male, and living in a VW microbus.
Who was that last person again?
Zhaan (the striking Virginia Hey, known stateside for her role in "The Road Warrior") remains one of the series' most beloved characters despite her departure early in Season 3. A warm but formidable priestess, she was given a hero's death after Hey's blue, bald-headed body makeup began to take a serious toll on her health.
Is Virginia Hey back as the fat Zhaan?
The fat Zhaan is played by Farscape producer Rowan Woods, who is a good sport to beat them all.
Do Crichton and Chiana escape from virtual reality before the end of the episode?
Crichton finds himself back on Moya around the end of Act 2. Scorpius has been busy in his absence.
What's good?
John Headroom. A few clever twists regarding layers of reality. Scorpius's busy day. What Crichton uses to write wormhole equations with. The endgame, and what it reveals about Stark. The John-Aeryn stuff. Claudia Black's princess voice. The returning guest stars, especially the last one to appear.
What's not so good?
This episode veers way, way too far into silliness for this reviewer's taste. Watch it only with a healthy tolerance for absurdity and one hand on the fast-forward button.
How does it end?
"I hear I was a princess." Silence.
Rating on the Herc scale:
** 1/2 (out of five)
FARSCAPE 4.8
What's it called?
"I Shrink, Therefore I Am."
Who's responsible?
Teleplay credited to Christopher Wheeler.
What's it about?
Crichton returns to Moya to find the ship overrun by the Coreeshi, high-tech bounty hunters out for his head.
The big news?
Crichton's bad habit of taking Noranti's advice and sticking things up his nose continues. He's snorting something called "distillate of lakka" to help him forget about the whole Aeryn mess.
The bigger news?
Noranti, disturbingly enough, seems to have ulterior motives for playing Dr. Nick to Crichton's Elvis.
Why was Crichton away when the bounty hunters struck?
Another grocery run, this time with Noranti.
Who sent the bounty hunters?
The Peacekeepers, naturally. Commandant Cleavage has offered a big fat reward for the respective noggins of Crichton and his crew.
Does Crichton have to go all "Die Hard" to save the ship?
He says as much, early in the episode.
Has the rest of the crew been captured?
Everyone but Scorpius.
What happened to him?
Scorpy turns up before long, free as a bird.
How'd he get out of his prison cell?
With his bare hands. He tells Crichton he only stayed in his cell because he wanted to.
Do Crichton and Scorpius team up, buddy-movie style, to save the day?
They do! Just don't expect them to hug when it's all over.
Exactly how badass are these bounty hunters?
They can take six shots from a massive energy cannon before going down. Their outfits have pop-out blades and other wicked stuff. They can shrink their targets down to action-figure size and store them in holding cells inside their suits. And their leader seems to be able to read minds.
What's good?
The ultra-nasty Coreeshi, especially their leader. Crichton humming along to the background music. The Scorpy-Crichton teamup. "Thank you, John." Rygel's conversation with Sikozu about being shrunk. "Aw, God, it's... still warm." Chiana's monologue. Lil' Aeryn's choice of transportation. The climactic battle. After "Promises," this is one of the best episodes for new viewers to catch.
What's not so good?
At this point, John might as well change his last name to "McClane." The Coreeshi leader's identity seems hastily grafted on to previous plotlines, and may throw new viewers for a loop. And the John-Aeryn thing is still being dragged out and beaten.
How does it end, spoiler-boy?
Aeryn has a bad feeling about this.
Rating on the Herc scale:
**** (out of five)
FARSCAPE 4.9
What's it called?
"A Prefect Murder." (That's not a misspelling.)
Who's responsible?
Teleplay credited to Mark Saraceni.
What's it about?
On a planet full of edgy rival clans, the crew becomes embroiled in murder, deceit and sabotage.
The big news?
We see a whole new side of Sikozu. Ahem.
The bigger news?
One of our heroes murders a lot of innocent people!
Why stop at this marshy, unpleasant planet in the first place?
To escape pursuit by multiple parties, Moya's now hiding out in Tormented Space, a wormhole-ridden region of unpleasantness. Dodging around has worn her out, and the crew is nearly out of fresh water.
What's with those macrame-haired locals on the planet?
After centuries of war among rival clans, they've finally established a very shaky peace. Falaak, the clans' current prefect, is going to step down and make way for Gaashah, a peace-minded leader.
Gaashah isn't long for this world, is he?
One hopes he wasn't making any extensive post-prefecture vacation plans.
Is Crichton still on drugs?
He takes some Lakka up the nose at several points.
What provokes the murders?
Little phosphorescent insects, whose stings make the victims susceptible to mind control.
Who's missing in action?
This episode is Noranti-free, and Scorpy-free as well. Rygel appears once, briefly. His limited appearances may be due to the Henson folks using his rig to create the convincingly hideous Paroos, a gnarled little priest-thing who knows more than he's letting on.
What's good?
The way the first act weaves new scenes in and out of the events of the haunting teaser. The gutsy and disturbing mass murder. Claudia Black, once more bringing her A-game to the proceedings. The source of the insects. Paroos, who's both ghastly and likeable. What John and Aeryn wish. Sikozu's extracurricular activities, and her dealings with Gaashah's young heir. The alarmingly tall and creepy Bruce Spence (set to be the Mouth of Sauron in Peter Jackson's "The Return of The King") as Falaak.
What's not-so-good?
The hair, for one thing. The fact that the dreamy, unsettling air of the teaser and first act doesn't carry through the whole episode. And did we mention the hair?
How does it end, spoiler-boy?
Uncertainly. In a graveyard.
Rating on the Herc scale:
*** (out of five)
FARSCAPE 4.10
What's it called?
"Coup By Clam."
Who's responsible?
Emily Skopov, a supervising producer for "Xena" and former writer for "Pacific Blue" and "Andromeda."
What's it about?
On a sexist, xenophobic planet, the crew gets a deadly case of food poisoning, and is blackmailed by a corrupt doctor for the cure.
The big news?
Let's just say the costume department probably had a fun time this week.
This week's reason for stopping at a creepy, creepy planet?
The electrostatic "noise" in Tormented Space is driving Moya nuts, and this planet is the only place they can get her the filters she needs to function normally.
How does the crew come down with food poisoning?
The planet makes them wait in quarantine while a doctor checks them out for signs of "Space Madness." While they wait, the enormous-nosed doctor, Tumii, offers them some suspicious mollusks.
Space madness? Does it involve the pressing of jolly, candylike buttons?
One senses that "space madness" is this planet's convenient excuse for doing away with undesirables. Those found to be "infected" are killed on sight.
So what's with these mollusks?
If more than one person eats from the same mollusk, they start to share physical sensations with whoever else ate from that mollusk.
That's not so bad, is it?
Symptoms of mollusk poisoning are often mistaken for space madness. Plus, the poisoning will kill its victims quickly unless they get an antidote.
So who gets linked up with who?
Crichton and Sikozu; Aeryn and Rygel; D'Argo and Noranti.
Does hilarity ensue?
More or less. Noranti's brief romantic interlude with a piece of cooking equipment strays into Farrelly Brothers territory.
What about Chiana?
She's unaffected, and spends most of the episode hanging out with the technician installing Moya's upgrade, who has a fairly significant (if obvious) secret that could get both of them killed.
And Scorpius?
He plays host to the technician's gun-toting escort, who's big on misogyny.
How difficult is it to cure our heroes?
It involves a disgusting potion, and several hours of uninterrupted hand-holding.
Any other complications?
Attempted murder. Political unrest. Some very formidable prostitutes. And of course, cross-dressing.
What's good?
Noranti, D'Argo, and the industrial mixer. Aeryn's troubles with Rygel's indigestion. Scorpius's killing technique. Certain cast members as you've never seen them before. How Crichton gets everyone's attention in the social club. Tumii's grisly just desserts. How the day is saved, and by whom. That foxy technician.
What's not-so-good?
This episode seems to draw heavily on plot elements from previous shows. The stuff with the technician and Chiana fails to generate much suspense. The final scene, while visually memorable, feels hasty and abbreviated. And after four years on the run, one thinks our heroes would know better than to accept suspicious takeout.
How does it end, spoiler-boy?
Scorpius disagrees with something he ate.
Rating on the Herc scale:
*** (out of five)
FARSCAPE 4.11
What's it called?
"Unrealized Reality."
Who's responsible?
Executive producer David Kemper.
What's it about?
Crichton meets up with an ominous alien who sheds disturbing new light on wormhole travel.
The big news?
Zhaan, Stark, Jool and Crais make cameo appearances, 60 Minutes-style.
The bigger news?
Wormholes aren't just a rip in space.
How exactly does Crichton meet up with this alien?
He's floating around outside the ship in his spacesuit, practicing his wormhole prediction skills. Unfortunately, he's a little too close to this particular wormhole.
Is the alien Crichton meets one of the Ancients, who gave Crichton his wormhole mojo in the first place?
Einstein, as Crichton dubs him, is more ancient than the Ancients. He's part of their parent species, which lives inside wormholes.
Wormhole aliens? Does Crichton meet the long-lost Captain Sisko?
Quiet, you.
Why does this alien yank Crichton into wormhole-land?
To kill him. (Apparently by talking him to death.)
Is Crichton still on drugs?
D'Argo catches Noranti refilling his stash.
What's everyone else doing this week?
Not much. Before Crichton gets swallowed by the wormhole, Aeryn is seen studying English, while Chiana offers her romantic advice. Scorpius and Sikozu have a cozy little chat.
Do the cameo folks play a role in the story?
With a few exceptions, most of them appear as talking heads-- Einstein's mouthpieces for explaining wormhole ins and outs.
Do any non-Crichton, non-cameo characters show up after the teaser?
Sort of. Crichton gets pulled in and out of a series of "unrealized realities", starting with a clever flashback to the first episode and straying further and further from the series' timeline as they progress.
Any highlights?
Aeryn breaks Crichton's neck. Peacekeeper Crichton vs. Evil Sikozu. A creepy waterside barbecue for Crichton and his dad. And several amazing scenes in which the cast switches roles.
What's good?
Who's wearing the Chiana makeup. "What is the matter with you people? TONGUE!" The wormhole revelations. The sheer weirdness of the unrealized realities. Scorpy's way with a hairbrush. Aeryn's continuing difficulty with the English language. Evil Sikozu. The cameos. The special effects. And the big, gigantic cliffhanger ending.
What's not so good?
The talking heads are not the most exciting thing to watch. Some of them are just plain odd. (Crichton's high school football coach?) And the new wormhole info, while raising the series' stakes, is an uneven fit with previous events.
How does it end, spoiler-boy?
"Whoops."
Rating on the Herc scale:
*** 1/2 (out of five)
The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:
- ***** better than we deserve
- **** better than most motion pictures
- *** actually worth your valuable time
- ** as horrible as most stuff on TV
- * makes you quietly pray for bulletins
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