Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

Evidently... pretty bad.

Harry, forget Gigli. Top that – forget Ishtar. I have just returned from a preview at the Ritz Theater in Philadelphia from the worst movie I have ever seen, and I have seen many. Honey, starring Jessica Alba, is a movie about a hip-hop dancer who teaches classes at the local gym. As in all these movies, she is given her big break to be a music video. The amazing thing is, within 10 minutes, she is the new choreographer. As preposterous as this sounds, I was thrilled because I figured the movie would be over very quickly.

How wrong I was. I think the title should be HONEY: THE EPIC. At least it felt like it should be. It follows all the conventions of the genre: good girl dreams, dreams come true, loses true friends, obstacle placed in path, regains true friends, stands up to the evil “man” (video director in this one), and finally prevails in the end on her own, with the support of both parents. I did not include spoiler warnings because it is so predicable. If the talkbackers want to complain about it, then they obviously have not seen enough of these movies.

Jessica Alba was there tonight and she said something along the line of this movie will do for hip-hop what Save the Last Dance did not. HA. At least people could act in that movie. As nice on the eyes as she may be, her acting is awful. The theater laughed at times when she tried to play it like a thug.

I could not be more honest when I say to avoid this movie and wait till it is the million dollar movie on ABC on Sunday nights.

Call me Stradlater

Ouch, man. It’s not even worth a look for Alba shaking her money-maker? Really?

"Moriarty" out.