Hey folks, Harry here... This wasn't much of a surprise to anyone.... I mean you could tell that the effects were cornball, but personally - they made me giggle in the trailers and I might somehow enjoy it... then again, it may lead to the ripping out of my eyeballs... but these are the risks we take in our adventurous journey in cinema...
Hey Harry and Co., TOKYOSCOPE here with the first English language
look at the DEVILMAN live-action movie. Hotly anticipated by J-dorks
all over the globe, Devilman is based on the classic 1972 manga and
subsequent DEVILMAN anime created by mister psychosexual
hyper-violence himself Go Nagai and Dynamic Productions.
The movie is set to open October 9th, and you can watch at trailer at
the official website Click Here. A direct link to
the trailer is here:
Click Here
My friend, a fellow agent of ESPY who I'll call AKUMA OTOKO, saw the
finished film at a sneak preview in Tokyo last week. AKUMA has
impeccable taste in movies, so I tend to trust his opinions. His first
email to me telling me his impressions was a doozy:
"I saw Devilman. Believe me, it's a nightmare. It's better to poking
your eyes out with your bare hands than to watch this crap. NEVER SEE
IT, if you want to live. FUCK. I SAY FUCK! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK! Those
who involved in this movie must suffer like hell and die the most
painful death. FUCK."
But I wanted specifics, I begged, and AKUMA graciously supplied them.
"1. Devilman and the demon species have no history in the movie.
Demons are some kind of sperm-like cells which are found in
Antarctica. The sperm jumps into Akira Fudoh's body and...voila,
Devilman is born. Someone even says to Devilman at this moment, "HAPPY
BIRTHDAY DEVILMAN" in English with bad pronunciation. I don't know
what the fuck is going on.
2. Sirene totally sucks ass. She is supposed to be one of the most
powerful demons of all time, but this Sirene is a stupid chick wearing
a silly chicken-like costume.
3. During the whole movie, you have no idea what is going on. There is
a Demon Buster squad (with the Star of David as their symbol...I think
Simon Wiesenthal should sue), but I don't know where they came from.
The Government never appears in the movie.
4. Devilman just cries and cries. Just like those sissy kids in Battle
Royale II.
5. Everything is explained (or the director thinks it is) with
dialogues, like "The war has begun," "The whole world went mad," and
blah blah blah. Sorry, I don't buy it. Show me. Don't tell me.
6. Susumu-chan (from the Go Nagai manga "Susumu-chan Dai Shock")
appears, and his parents were demons. BUT, Susumu-chan survives and
survives, and he is the only one human being who is left standing on
earth after Armageddon. This made me really really, really mad. If you
read the manga, you'd know why. In it, Susumu thinks he's safe, and
then you see his severed head on the floor. At the end, a half-demon
slut and a high school student walk into the sunset, saying there is
hope and future. DIE! NOW!
7. The problem is not only with the script, but with the direction
too. There is no information about what is happening or where it's
happening. The audience is forced to be confused all the time. The
clock in Hiroyuki Nasu (the director) stopped around 1980. The
Internet never existed in his universe, or Kogals, or anything modern.
You see very old-fashioned teenage delinquents that look like a bad
joke, and there are some very cheap set, which only can be seen in old
Toei movies or Daiei TV series.
9. Devilman creator Go Nagai is known for his violence, eroticism, and
nonsense jokes. You see none of these qualities in this picture.
Oh, and the special effects. It's not even PlayStation 1 CGI at all,
more like Sega Saturn. It's like, the whole CGI is just a
pre-pre-visualization. BURN IN HELL, MOTHERFUCKERS!"
Impossible to top that last line, so TOKYOSCOPE out…
--
"This rat bucket is sinking, so groove."
-- Skipper Todd
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