Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with the good word from Rav, aimed specifically at those attending Tribeca, but the rest of us can enjoy it as well. Most of the below is a warning on some of the junk showing at Tribeca. Rav's not going, but as a film festival lover, he can't help but try to warn those going away from some of the crap he's seen either through other Film Fests or through DVDs from around the world. Other than Harry, I don't know anybody who uses his Multi-Region DVD player as much as Rav.
What I love about this guy is his ability to cut the bullshit. If he thinks something sucks you won't convince him otherwise or vice versa, be damned if his opinion goes against the tide or not. So, he's a good gauge to go by, even if you find you don't agree with his opinion.
Rav is going to be attacking the wimmins of Palm Beach starting tomorrow, so you Floridians lock up your daughters! Rav be comin'! Before he does, though, he has these words for the world! Enjoy!
Heya Guys,
My spell check is going wonky so get ready for a grammatical and spell-mad mess of an article:
Okay, this weekend I am going to the Palm Beach Film Festival, I haven't covered anything for AICN or written any reviews in forever. Kind of crazy, I don't know if I still can write even (if I ever could), so I thought I'd try and warm-up for this weekend by going through and reviewing a bunch of crap that I've been way too lazy to get round to talking about. I was really just hoping someone else would. Oh well, It's sort of a bit of a preview for the Tribeca film fest, I'm kind of jealous of sheldrake and the NYC gang, so this is my way of coping with not being there. On second thought, "preview" isn't exactly what I'm going for, think of this more as a "Survival Guide." Wish you guys the best down there in NYC land.
Firstly, 2046 is the bomb, everyones already reviewed it, half the world owns it on DVD already. Wong Kar-Wai's a genius and if I had a vagina I'd make it a personal mission of mine to have Christopher Doyle's love child. So have fun with the movie, I love it, seems like it took a thousand years for kar-wai to finish, it was well worth the wait.
Layer Cake is the second film in which has been reviewed like mad here already and perhaps half of you as well own the DVD already. It's the bomb, and holy crap Matthew Vaughns doing X3 and Daniel Craig is James Bond, WOW, thats pretty insanely fucked up, though great movie, awesome direction, and Daniel Craig is the shiznit, (if you haven't seen it and love him in this I urge you to pick up Enduring Love on DVD now).
Okay, on to the movies that theres half a chance you haven't seen. Films you probably may want to duck and hide from.
Reeker I saw when it premiered at SXSW this year, it is a very slick little horror film that sometimes tricks you into believing its a really good movie. Unfortunately by the end you realize the beautiful woman you went to bed with is actually an AIDS-ridden tranny hooker who has stolen your wallet. I recommend to steer clear unless a couple of good gore moments and adequate cinematography is worth the ten dollars to you. Well there is also the worst blind acting since Bryce Dallas Howard to laugh at too.
Night Watch, I generally categorize as over-rated pretty crap that would make Renny Harlin proud, I'm sure I'll get more than a few emails from friends who will never talk to me again after coming clean, but fuck it, honesty rules and this movie sucks. Though, I'm very interested in these spiffy magical subtitles that fox search-light is so proud of. Perhaps they are coated with fairy-dust and will make this movie super now, my $10 says they are probably just Tony Scott "Man On Fire" MTV shit that is probably going to be distracting as all hell, but maybe it'll distract you enough from knowing its a shitty movie.
Shutter's also pretty over-rated and crappy, but I'm not going to pick on it.
To the worst of the bunch, a film series that has 3 films screening during the festival as well as an all day marathon which will be a day those people never forget a day that they are raped by Peter Greenaway for 6 1/2 hours, I really feel sorry for the lot of you. Though I'm sure that at some point during the presentation the project will be cut off and a group of white-lab-coat-wearing people will converge onto the audience, and by the end of the day you will be singing praises to all your friends. But alas here I am to let you know friends don't let friends watch the tulse luper suitcases. I'll admit I've only viewed the first episode, the moab story, but it is very much so the film that I use to judge how shitty a movie can be. For example, my friends had me sit and watch House of the Dead for the first time a couple months ago, my reaction was shit at least it had clint howard and video game footage I could giggle through, Tulse Luper suitcases is like the film Uwe Boll would make if he wanted to craft Dogville 2, oh wait if Uwe did it it would probably have a video game footage moment or a matrix shot, it takes a true pretentious talented arty director like Greenaway to make a movie this shitty. It more or less is totally fucking unwatchable dribble, I'd probably prefer jerking saddam hussein off naked in siberia for six weeks than sit through that dark day where Tribeca marathons the whole series. The film is incomprehensible, it's fashioned together like one of those old history CD-Roms your parents or your third grade teacher probably force-fed you in your youth. Which is a very interesting take for a narrative, though there really is no substance to the narrative and thus becomes the most boring film ever made. Perhaps some miracle occurs and in the other 2 episodes everything comes together and its worthwhile. All I know is now way in hell can anyone get me to watch anymore of that shit after sitting through the MOAB Story.
Okay on to the good movies you may haven't seen.
Illustrated Family Doctor, I saw this film on a quick 24 hour layover I had recently in Sydney, Australia. I didn't know anything about this film when I bought my ticket, it was just the only Australian film I could find showing in theatres, and god damnit I hadn't flown 2,000 miles to see Hitch on foreign soil. It really was kind of ridiculous that they only had one local movie and a bunch of american shit playing, but oh well I'm kinda ranting there. The movie is really good, its about a guy that works as an editor for a publishing house and is currently struggling with his assignment to put together a family medical book which is the title. As he researches the book he can't help but come under random medical conditions and obscure deseases. All this while trying to get his life under control. The film is beautifully shot and features a talented cast, i recommend it to you very much if you have a chance to watch it next week.
Hooligans probably should be up there with 2046 and Layer Cake, there was plenty-o-orgasmic reviews coming out of this years SXSW. It's sort of misfiled here, oh well. Nonetheless its pretty kickass movie that is not to be missed. It's got Frodo kicking ass, Claire Forlani looking pretty, and lots-a shaky camera-work fighting like it was out of a Oliver Stone football movie. Here's a link to the trailer though i promise you, there is really dialogue in the movie. Surely it's gotta get US distribution soon, the movie really is great,
Dead Man's Shoes is hands down the coolest movie I've seen thats playing at Tribeca this year. This ones probably been seen by everyone that already owns a DVD of Layer Cake, as well as half of Britain. This movies the fucking bomb, and really hasn't got much coverage on this site as it really deserves. It's directed by Shane "Once Upon a Time In The Midlands" Meadows and stars as well as written by Paddy Considine, and it's nothing like you would expect from the sweet natured loving dad in In America. This movie is a kick-ass british revenge movie, it's dark as fuck, and isn't out for a good time. This is film that "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead" was supposed to be. If you were to take Rolling Thunder and mix it with pace and structure of The Bride Wore Black this is the film you would up with, of course minus the kick-ass hook from Rolling Thunder. If you like revenge movies, and don't mind watching a guy torture and kill deserving fucks for 86 minutes, go see this movie.
All We Are Saying is Rosanna Arquette running around the world talking to her favorite muscians and friends on her DV camera for 90 minutes. The film really works because at moments the fan-girl in her comes out and she will totally geek-out of over some of the interviewees. It reminds me sort of Rick Mckay's Broadway: The Golden Age except by a famous actress and about music instead as well as less of a passion project than broadway. Nonetheless its a really good time and a worthy way to waste 90 minutes.
Okay next off for me I'm off for a night of Amityville-ness, running from flies at knowles/league's insane dream project. Palm Beach is looking so kickass this weekend I can't wait, they've added Leslie Nielson to the already really cool mix and as mediocre as the line-ups been in past years, this year it looks much better and the programmers pulled off a miracle in that the programmed a ton really awesome-looking movies that I haven't seen or heard of any. So this is going to be any interesting week in Florida.
later-on,
Rav
