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Ok, so ya wanna dismiss my opinion of this film
because I have a part in the movie. You want to think
that Rodriguez cast me in this film in order to sway
my opinion into liking what must otherwise be a piece
of shit... Right? Well, gosh, you must be right. So
completely ignore the following, because I’m
obviously a sellout turd without an inkling of taste...
THE FACULTY
This is the weirdest and strangest and longest, yet most exciting
film experience of my life. Why? Because.... well,
here...
One year ago today, I went out Christmas shopping
with Robert Rodriguez, we wound up at a restaurant
here in Austin called Ninfa’s and (technically you can
read about this day in my POSTMAN review) well at
dinner he pulled out a whole buncha sketches that
Bernie Wrightson had done for this movie he was
doing next entitled THE FACULTY.
I was excited because, well for one thing, I had been
Robert’s friend for about 11 months at that time, and
in all of that time, he wasn’t doing a movie. It was
just Robert the guy I painted monster models with,
and I really was hankering to see Robert make a
movie. It had always seemed a bit legendary to me.
Sure he wore the bandanna round his head, but to
watch him actually direct and shoot and put a film
together.... well that would be a chance to see a part
of Robert that I hadn’t seen.
On top of everything else, it was an alien/horror film,
and I had dreamed my entire life about being on the
set of one of those. It would be like walking into an
issue of FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND or
STARLOG or FANGORIA or
CINEFANTASTIQUE... Wow.
For four months Robert was in casting for the film,
dropping me hints here and there, teasing me with the
script, but never handing me it... so I reached out with
my spies and grabbed the draft right out of
MIRAMAX’s home office.
The day Robert walked into my house and saw the
script laying there... his eyes bugged, it was classic.
The funny part was that it was a draft that Kevin
Williamson had turned in only three days prior and
Robert didn’t have a copy of it yet. Hee hee hee...
That’ll show him!
But what Robert did have was pictures of some of the
work that KNB was doing. WOW... this was all work
based upon the sketches by Bernie Wrightson. We
then went out and painted some more, we went
swimming, he cooked a homemade pizza, and we
watched HEAVY METAL and JOHN
CARPENTER’S THE THING. We talked about
some of the stuff he was working on, yadda yadda...
Time passed and the sets began to be built. I went
out to the big soundstage here in town that they were
building the interior sets on. Elizabeth, Robert’s wife
and producer, took me around the production office
and sets. In her office she got a phone call telling her
that they had just landed ELIJAH WOOD for the part
of Casey.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!, My brain
screamed. I really didn’t like Elijah Wood in film at
that point. I’m not sure what it was, but... well
dammit, he just looked like the sort of kid I’d ram
into a flagpole. It was nothing personal, just this
fundamental urge to physically harm the kid. I mean
he was the flipper boy, the good son... He’s the kid
that wouldn’t go all the way with Christina Ricci and
would rather play with fireworks. Elizabeth tried to
reassure me that Elijah was a real human being, and
that upon meeting him, I would never ram him into a
flagpole.
I was unsure. To be fair to Elijah, at this point I had
never actually read the script for Robert’s film. THE
FACULTY sat at home, read only by my father.
Robert asked me to wait to read the final draft, that he
needed someone to read it at that point with fresh
eyes. Ok, sure.
The cast and crew party for the film was scheduled.
This was where everyone got together three days
before filming was to begin. Party party... It was on
top of a building in downtown Austin and well, about
3 seconds after I was on the roof this kid came up to
me and tapped me on the shoulder... it was Elijah
Wood. It was amazing, I still wanted to ram him into
a flagpole. Elizabeth was wrong. And then Elijah
said, “Wow, I’m A HUGE Fan Of Your Site.”
Hmmm, he’s smart. So I talked with him and found
that he was a geek that just exuded excitement about
working in a movie with Robert and wow there was a
Star Wars movie coming up and gosh wouldn’t it be
cool to be in a Star Wars movie... yadda yadda...
Amazing. He’s a real kid. He doesn’t walk around
like some sort of pompous ass, he’s not all
Hollywoody, instead he’s just a normal kid that can
act real good. Hmmmm... I decide to possibly
consider him as being suitable for this film.
A little bit after talking to Elijah, Robert gave me the
final draft of the script and I went home to read it.
Wow, Elijah was perfect for Casey. In fact after
reading the script I was very excited about this
project. I couldn’t wait to see effects stuff shooting.
Most of you have read my on-set adventures for THE
FACULTY. They go into great detail and well, every
bit of it is exactly true. It was a wonderful set. It was
always busy but always friendly. No raised voices,
no screams. Even the top AD on the film, Doug, he
was very cool. And usually ADs have the rep to be
A-holes. Not the case on this film. Elizabeth kept the
set moving at all times, making sure every
conceivable problem was taken care of. No
stumbling blocks for Robert. It was really quite
amazing to watch.
I had complete access to the set, any time day or
night. The film had secrets, but hey, this site has
never been about the twists and turns of films, it’s
always been about whether or not there’s something
for you to get excited about, or to stay away like it’s
some sort of poison ivy.
I had parties at my house for the crew. Everybody
would come. For most of the kid cast (Elijah Wood,
Laura Harris, Josh Hartnett, Shawn Hatosy and
Jordana Brewster) well they came over and watched
everything under the sun including INVASION OF
THE BODY SNATCHERS, the Donald Sutherland
version. They loved it. We talked film, drank and ate
Dad’s brisket and sausage. It was a good time.
When filming ended, Robert became a hermit, staying
at home for days without leaving the garage editing.
When he finally had it all together he showed me the
film.
I was the third person to see it. First was Bob and
Harvey Weinstein. When I saw the print there were
no special effects in place at all. The sound was in
it’s roughest possible form, with very little sound in
place. The film was still not quite solid.
I thought the first 30 minutes dragged like hell, the
character of Delilah had her best lines cut out of the
film, but once the film got moving... it really kicked
ass. It got pretty damn intense, and Robert isn’t used
to letting off the gas pedal. But I was a little worried
about the film because of how slow the first 30
minutes were. I told Robert that and said he needed
some great music for the introduction of the main
characters. I really wanted to hear a better sound
mix, cause I know how intensely Robert builds his
sound in films. Just listen to what Robert does to an
audience in DESPERADO or FROM DUSK TILL
DAWN. Those sound mixes are amazing.
That was the last time I heard from Robert when he
took off for Northern California and Skywalker
Ranch to begin the months long journey of building
the sound for the film. He talked about taking me out
with him, but we both knew that Lucas’ machine-gun
armed assassins would kill me and ruin the upholstery
in the vehicle Robert was driving at the time.
He called me up every other week or so and we’d
shoot the shit about how it was going. I was dying to
see a final print.
Over the course of all of this, Robert and I have
talked and talked about seeing this film at the
Paramount Theatre here in Austin. About giving
away Zeke’s car at the premiere. About hearing this
movie with an Austin Audience. It would be mega
cool.
So that brings me up to yesterday and the screening at
the Paramount.
People drove 8 and 9 hours to get to the theater on
time, several people (normal folks like you) that read
the site flew into Austin to see the movie. I was
nervous as hell.
No, not because I’m in it, but because I know for a
fact that if I somehow didn’t like the way the film
came together... well, I’d have to look Robert in the
eye and ask him, “What Happened?”
Who attended?
Copernicus, Tom Joad, Annette Kellerman, RoRo,
Robogeek, Paul, Johnny Wad, Quint, Hooper, Sister
Satan, Lobo, El Gordo, his wife and mother-in-law.
Oh, and me too. None of the stars were able to make
it because of work, hey that’s a good thing.
The theater was packed, sold out, more than 1200
people packed that place. I had just arrived from the
pre-party where I had several people try to pitch their
scripts to me. NOTE: HARRY IS NOT RICH!!!
At that party I was approached by no less than 50
folks that were there from the site. Cool. At the
theater... well Zeke’s car was parked out front in all
it’s pristine glory. Before the film started Robert
came out, did the regular introduction thing, while
filming everyone with his digital camera he keeps in
his little stomach bolsa. Before that he had filmed the
audience while greeting everyone in their seats.
My sister was extremely psyched, she’s been walking
around picturing her head in the midst of big yellow
stars. Yeah, she’s like that.
The film began...
At an instant you noticed the absolute killer sound in
the Paramount and it’s newly installed SDDS. Wow.
I’m not going to spoil the film, I haven’t during my
one year association with it, so I’m not about to now.
This is a really really good movie. I wish for the
purposes of this review I wasn’t involved, but hey,
that’s not the reality of the situation. And in reality
I’m ecstatic to be a part of this film. Why? Because
I’m in a fucking horror/sci-fi film.
This movie is an amalgamation of lots of films. It’s
equal parts INVADERS FROM MARS, INVASION
OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, THE BREAKFAST
CLUB, 3 O’CLOCK HIGH, DINER, ALIEN,
INVASION OF THE SAUCERMEN, THE BLOB,
LIFEFORCE, FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT
HIGH, JOHN CARPENTER’S THE THING and
many more.
What’s good about that?
Well, I hate movies that you can just say, “It’s Die
Hard on a Boat!” or “It’s TITANIC on a Blimp!”
Instead, when you have movies that are genuine fresh
combinations of multiple film types... well,
sometimes it just works out. This is one of em. And
besides it’s original elements, there are nods and
pieces from 10 other films at least, and it’s all done
very cool.
I’m gonna go through and touch on a few things
about this film, and I’m gonna do it by heading...
THE KEVIN WILLIAMSON ELEMENT...
Unlike SCREAM and SCREAM 2, the ‘pop-culture’
dialogue felt natural to me. You see, in THE
FACULTY, what they are dealing with, these kids
would only have a film reference for. Really, if you
began to experience Aliens and Body Snatcher type
stuff... well you’re frame of reference would have to
be films like PUPPETMASTERS and INVASION
OF THE BODY SNATCHERS... When talking
about Aliens taking over, films like ID4, CLOSE
ENCOUNTERS, etc... well they’d come up. At least
they would if I were in the situation. Let’s face it,
everything we know for certain about aliens came
from books, television and film. Everything else we
know about em is sheer speculation.
THE TEEN SLASHER FILM
This isn’t a teen slasher film. There are ALIENS, the
ads have been a bit misleading, there is more to it
than... what you think right now. There is not just
ONE bad guy, there is no man with a hook. It feels
much more like a real live horror film. That’s a good
thing I assure you.
THE ULTIMATE HIGH SCHOOL GEEK MOVIE?
Yes. I wholeheartedly believe this to be the ultimate
high school geek movie. Why? Because... well...
gosh... I don’t really want to get into it, but... dammit,
ok. There is a main character in the film. You may
not know who he or she is at the beginning or the
middle, but there is a main character... sorta like
Ripley in ALIEN. Anyway, this ‘Ripley’ is each and
every one of us put upon High School Geeks. The
type that the jocks picked on, or that the cheerleaders
poked. The quiet bookworm, science club, film fan
that... well... You know, ‘Ripley’ is supposed to be
us. That being said, different people have their own
specialized character in this film. It’s a bit like THE
BREAKFAST CLUB in that respect, you will hate
one of the characters and totally love another of them.
It’s the way you are supposed to feel. Because in
High School, you love this character in class and you
hate that other one. It’s all part of the natural order.
Anyway, this ‘RIPLEY’ character literally gets the
significant other, has an adventure and gets fame and
glory. That just kicks ass. It’s not like in that fucking
retarded SCREAM 2 where they kill their main
character in broad fucking daylight in a fashion that
that specific character never should have died.
Dammit!
Don’t think about ‘Who’s Ripley?” during the film,
instead just go along with the gang and choose your
favorite.
WHERE DOES THIS RANK IN THE RODRIGUEZ
FILMOGRAPHY?
Well, I think technically speaking it’s his best film.
My favorite is still FROM DUSK TILL DAWN,
followed by this then DESPERADO and EL
MARIACHI. What’s the difference? What makes
this ‘technically speaking’ his best film?
Well... There is no tonal inconsistencies for me.
Remember the deflowering of Jennifer Jason Leigh in
FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH? Remember
how brutal and honest that was? Well, there is
actually quite a bit of that thing in here. At the same
time there is some cartoony as hell stuff going on.
This is high school reality to a geek.
You have the asshole jocks, the snobby fucking drop
dead smart as hell wet dream, the innocent shrinking
violet, the ‘I vant to be alone’ type, the self-aware
football guy that hates the silver spoon treatment....
It’s like that in High School, or at least it was where I
went. You had a teacher or two that were wet
dreams, you have the adults that treat you like a child,
etc...
One of the biggest breakthroughs in this film is the
use of High School kids as High School kids. I really
can’t stress enough how that one little detail adds so
much more honesty to this film. These look like kids,
the teachers look like teachers, even me, and that’s a
real fucking scary thought. My god, I look like one
of them was the thought that coarsed through my
lobes.
How the hell did I get to look like a teacher? I’m a
kid, I still plead for pwesents for crissakes! I’m... 27.
Gosh, I’m ‘Them’ age. What the bloody hell? Man,
27 years on Planet Earth.... weird.
WHAT’S IT LIKE TO SEE YOURSELF IN A
COOL MOVIE?
Well, it is actually even more weird than that. Ya
see, because of that call for you folks to join me at the
PARAMOUNT... well, I sort of stacked the
audience... I think. Everytime I appeared on screen
the audience went nuts, not quite as nuts as when
Zeke’s Car, but then they were not winning me to
take home with em... Not that that would illicit
anything besides screams of absolute mind numbing
horror. Actually the ‘character’ look I gave was
pretty cool really. It didn’t make me look dumb,
which really is amazing, and I must complement
Rodriguez for eliciting such an amazing depth of
emotion from me. Not to mention the amazing
subtlety my character arcs through the film. This is
very very important. It is only a shame that... well... I
didn’t end up with Salma for one of the end shots of
the film. However, I’m sure this will be explored in
one of the myriad of sequels that will pour forth.
BTW, my line is still in the film, but is delivered off
camera, so you may miss it. The one other
mentionable is this. Seeing a movie that you are on
set for is WEIRD. It’s like having memories from a
different set of eyes. You remember the event, the
motion of the mouth, the sounds and the smells. You
remember the rooms, but you can pan around and see
through the ‘fourth wall’ where Rodriguez sat, and
Enrique help his tricorder-thingamagig and the big
fuzzy boom and the dude holding it, and the painter
people and the apple blocks and all the other teeny
tiny pieces to what seems to be a seemless memory.
Tis cool indeed.
THE FACULTY ACTORS BESIDES ME...
The other teachers and school staff in the film... well
they’re wonderful. The stand-outs are BEBE
NEUWIRTH and ROBERT PATRICK and JOHN
STEWART.
Lilith is dead, long live BeBe! After this film I can't imagine ever seeing Lilith again. Plus now I really really want to see her in CHICAGO up there in New York. She did a little of it on the Football field that night at the football stadium shoot and it twas mucho frio. Believe it or not
Robert Patrick is not just the T-1000. He’s amazing
as Coach. It was a role that he could have completely
ripped off from his role as the liquid metal one, but ya
know... I’m sooooooooooooooo glad he didn’t. I
know initially that’s what Robert and I were talking
about. Having him run just like the T-1000, but
instead he runs a bit more like Rutger Hauer in
BLADE RUNNER. Jon Stewart is really good in
this. He comes across as a real actor and not a
stand-up comedian. His scene with the 6 kids is just
cool as hell.
NUDITY IN TEEN HORROR!
It’s Back with Class! Yes, no more namby pamby
Bras..... We’re talking full ass cheeks and titties!
We’re talking about wet out of the swimming pool
head to toe nudity! We’re talking about DVD action
here!
THE UNMENTIONABLE
The thing I won’t talk about and you should only talk
about with your friends that have ALREADY SEEN
THE FILM! There is a cool thing that happens in this
film and we get something cool that happens. It’s not
hinted at in the trailers, and you are not in any way
expecting it. This is a very very very good thing. It’s
THIS elements that elevates this film from just the
standard run of the mill horror films involving High
Schools. And it and the nudity and the characters and
the action is the reason I’ll see this movie a lot. Oh,
and so I can ego-stroke myself off to mental and
physical jizz ejaculations! Trust me though... and
listen, don’t ruin this film for your friends and
neighbors.
THE TEENS...
I love this group. And if my bias is anywhere in this
review, it’s here. Perhaps it’s because I got to know
each and everyone really good during the filming.
Because I met their parents, because they came to my
house and watched secret spy stuff and 16 mm films
in the backyard and we ate and hung out. Maybe.
But I really don’t think so.
Elijah Wood/Casey is wonderful in the movie, he just
really really comes across as a kid without any
friends. Like the kid that is standing in a room that
you and a friend are in, and when you tell someone
else about the conversation you say, “Yeah, me and
Schroeder were in a room talking and noone else was
around.” He’s a noone. And he knows it. He loathes
it. He looks at people right there besides them and
covets. He doubts himself and he’s perfect in the
film. As a person, well Elijah in reality is quite
honestly one of the best people I have ever met. He’s
honest and real. He comes with a great family and
wonderful sensibilities. He’s what folks up north call,
“Good People.”
Clea DuVall/Stokely is my sister’s favorite character.
Clea plays Stokely so dead on you’d swear up and
down that THAT is who she is. You would just know
she stumbles around mumbling and looking coldly at
people. You could see her being a bitch in real life
looking at this character, you might think she’s really
insecure. NOPE. In reality she’s bright and happy.
She’s playful and fun. Everything this character isn’t,
but with the smarts. She’s got 4 movies come out
next year, I’m gonna see all 4.
Jordana Brewster/Delilah is so perfect in her role as
the stuck up beautiful snob that could just stare holes
through your head that you know that’s who she is. It
isn’t. She actually is quite human and approachable,
even a bit shy. My sister got to know her pretty good
and describes her as being an absolute darling, and
my sister generally hates ‘beautiful’ people, of which
Jordana is a stunning example. Beauty with no beast
in life, on film she’s got the verbal fangs. She
basically de-nuts Stan with a line or two. Icy and
cold.
Shawn Hatosy/Stan is the most overlooked and under
appreciated actor in this film. He is absolutely being
screwed by MIRAMAX’s promotional wing. If you
look at the ads and listen to the ‘narration’ you’d
think USHER was actually in this movie. Thank God
he isn’t really, I mean he has a part, he’s good, but
he’s in this film maybe 2 minutes more than me.
STAN/SHAWN on the other hand is not only in this
movie as much as anyone on the poster, but he’s
probably the most subtle and strong kid in the film.
I’m dying to see what he does next and how he does.
On set he didn’t really talk to me much, but he did
come up a bit here and there. He seemed to be a
pretty serious fella. Never met his Dad, but got
emails from him with messages for Shawn. That was
weird, let me tell ya.
Laura Harris/MaryBeth for me is the name and face I
take from the movie. If she doesn’t play the daughter
or sister of Michelle Pffeifer in a movie soon I’ll be
shocked. The both have that same look in their eyes,
that same sparkle. A lovely smile. In the film her
southern belle accent never slips, though in reality she
is CANADIAN. Everyone on set fell in love with
her, she’s a pure joy to be around and along with
Elijah and Josh, the person I most miss at my
backyard parties. They were and are very good
people.
Josh Hartnett/Zeke is gonna be picked on a bit
because well, he plays the cocky self sure “I’m too
cool” dude, and Hallenbeck hates him from point
zero. Personally I think Zeke is cool from the first
shot of him in the movie. He’s a fifth year Senior in
the film. Why? Well it’s never answered in the film.
In reality I think it’s because he felt comfortable in
High School. Like he didn’t know what he would do
on the ‘outside’. Like he was a long time prisoner
in Jail that just grew too old to do anything else but
sit in his cell and work in the sweat shop. That’s my
read on him. Maybe I’m reading too much, I don’t
think so. Josh is in reality a pretty cool guy, he likes
vintage black and white animation, especially Betty
Boop, and that makes him really fucking cool in my
book.
THE DRUG USE IN THE FILM
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, When I
was at John Carpenter’s house earlier this year I was
talking with his wife about subversive elements in
Horror films. Things that will get under peoples’
skins and make them uncomfortable. She was talking
about how it was hard to come up with stuff today
that would just mess with peoples’ heads. I
responded with the use of drugs in this film.
Personally I’m counting on actual OUTRAGE, public
screaming at the highest levels. Mentions on the floor
of Congress when some pompous ass begins farting
out a pontification about what’s wrong with society
today. Absolutely wonderful. It is, quite simply...
Real Damn Cool. Ok, you want to know what I’m
talking about... Well go see the movie, I’m still
hoping this review gets me points.... Ahhhh come on
just a little itsy bitsy 25 points.... Come on Bob! It’s
Christmiss... or Hanukkah... or Ramadan tis a time of
giving!
Is this the greatest film ever made? No
Is this the greatest horror film ever made? No
Is this a film that you should fall down on your knees
and worship? Yeah, but only when I’m on screen.
This is a fun as hell movie to see with a group of
friends. It’s a smart blending of a lot of films, and it’s
shot with that ever-present Rodriguez style. And it is
a style, you know immediately that he is directing.
You can feel it. You know that a crazy guitar playing
bandana wearing monster model painting HEAVY
METAL (the movie) THE THING fan is a making.
You sense it.
This year you’ve been assaulted with a lot of bad teen
slasher films. So many that you’ve probably fallen
into the, “I never want to see a Teen Slasher film
again!” phase. I agree. BUUUUUUUUUUUT, this
isn’t a ‘Teen Slasher’ flick. Instead it’s more of a
rebirth of the old TEEN MONSTER MOVIE. It’s
more like INVADERS FROM MARS or INVASION
OF THE SAUCER MAN or THE BLOB. It’s kids
doing battle with the personification of authority and
chaos.
This film doesn’t take place in REALITY REALITY,
this is the High School that Jack Burton and Ash and
Snake Plissken and Seth Gecko and Robert
Rodriguez went to. It’s mean and ugly and spits out
bad asses. And you’ll never in a million years believe
the bad ass this one will spit at you!
Go see the movie, not because I told ya to, but
because it’s the latest Robert Rodriguez film. It’ll
kick your ass if you want it to.
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