Friends... Some nights are just perfect.
Tonight was a perfect night.
As a matter of fact, it was just one of them.... God,
this is soooo cool, how can I be this lucky.. sorta
nights.
Tonight was the EVIL DEAD TRILOGY hosted by
BRUCE CAMPBELL.
According to Bruce, this is the first time, that he is
aware of, that all three EVIL DEAD movies (EVIL
DEAD, EVIL DEAD II, ARMY OF DARKNESS)
have all been screened in a theatrical 35 mm triple
bill.
But... I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s do the
doodily doo bit and start at the beginning.
For about a year now, Tim (aka Mr Alamo) has been
working on getting Bruce Campbell to come to the
Alamo Drafthouse for an Evil Dead triple feature.
But, ya know... what with all the hussle and bustle of
his career, it’s been a fruit of love that brought Bruce
and these films to Austin. And Tim is the guy with
the green thumb.
There have been more false starts and almost got it
togethers than I can remember, but when Tim finally
nailed Bruce down.... There was pure glee in his
voice.
His theater... His palace was going to play host to
one of the most absolute badass kings of cool this
side of the grave.
So about two weeks ago... out of the blue.... I get this
e-mail from Bruce Campbell asking if he could
interview me for this documentary he’s shooting
called FANalysis.
You know... From time to time I get an email, that
asks me to do something... or is simply from a certain
person... and my brain freezes up. Two emails above
that was an email from a man who (for heaven only
knows why) found me attractive and wanted to know
if I swung that way. That email threw me for a loop.
But Bruce’s threw me for a double loop-de-loop.
I mean... He’s BRUCE CAMPBELL... I’m
supposed to cower in the shadows and behold his
awesomness from afar. What if I get possessed by
some sort of Candarian Demon Spirit? What if he
pulls out his boom stick and lets me have it?
Sounds cool. So I wrote him back agreeing.
So, today comes along and the whole theory is that
Bruce is going to swing by here, Geek Headquarters,
and do the interview here. I’m supposed to get a call
round 1830 hours to get a confirmation one way or
another. So I sit and wait.
And wait.
And wait. Mind you, it’s nowhere near the annointed
time for the phone call, but my brain is in the freeze
mode. The thought.... Bruce Campbell, might be
coming to my house.... Is stuck on an endless loop.
Just him walking into the house blesses my humble
abode with some sort of cool virus which will breed
superduper forms of uberly cool things to just happen
here constantly.
To get my mind off of it, I call up a friend and he,
Dad and I go out to eat and talk about LORD OF
THE RINGS and HELLBOY. The two film projects
that I seem to most blabber about right now. As we
talk and eat and eat and talk I’m continually looking
at my watch.... Checking the time. Feeling like
Alice’s pesky white rabbit.
Soon, I tell my eating partner, “I have to get home...
Waiting on a Bruce to come over! Come on! We
have to go!”
Said friend begins making JACK OFF hand signs,
when suddenly he stops and says... “Ya know... Bruce
should be HELLBOY!” Hmmm... Ya know... I
thought... He’s right! I’ll have to tell Guillermo that.
Then I get home. Tick Tock Tick Tock....
Rrrrrrrringggg... It’s Time! Uh huh.... Yeah. Oh.
Ummm.. Yeah... Sure... naaah, that’s no prob.
Right... See ya later.
FUCK! My house will not be annoited with Bruce
coolness! There goes my scheme to sell my tap water
with red food coloring over the site! Shit!
So... It is suddenly off for the Alamo. I grab my
digital Sony Mavica camera and a fresh disk. Dad
grabs one of the most gnarly grotesque slimy looking
decayed pieces of human flesh molded into a hand we
have for Bruce to sign, and we’re off!
Once in the Alamo I head up the stairs just as Tim
told me. When I get to the top, I’m told Tim and
Bruce are not there yet... butterflies in stomach
flapping about... Ugh... He’s gonna embarrass me on
camera, I just know it. He’ll hit me with trees and
railroad irons... He’ll then draw and quarter me.
As I stand atop the Alamo’s upper floor, I look down
at the doors at the bottom of the stairs. Looking at
the people down there... slightly over-exposed by the
bright light of day. Each of them awaiting the Bruce
and the Films. Each one of them... eager. However,
the ones on the right had tickets... while those on the
left are praying that scalpers will arrive with high
priced... nay.... nearly over-priced tickets (though for
this event... there is no such thing!) I keep looking
down there... awaiting Bruce to come through those
doors.
Meanwhile the merchandise table opens up. The
poster that is atop this page is procured for a mere
$10 autographed by the man the legend. Not to
mention the ultra GROOVY... EVIL DEAD HOLY
WATER, Offered for sale at many fine
establishments including S-Mart for a mere $3... By
the way... it is real Holy Water... blessed twice...
Once by the Catholic church... the second time by an
ordained priest as TIM brought the box in the Alamo.
This Priest was in line to see the Evil Dead trilogy!
How cool is that?
Then, Bruce arrives in a swinging Hawaiian shirt with
olives, martinis, and what I beleive may be pretzels or
finger sandwiches or potato chips. I’m not real sure.
And as is often the case with icons that you build up
from film, when looking at him... The first thought
that comes to mind is....
I could take him.
Then the second thought comes in....
Hmmm... He’s a normal guy. Sure he’s got that...
Bruce voice. And he’s got that Bruce face... But
other than that... He’s just a normal fella. He seems
to have had no long term ill effects due to.... all that
has happened in that cabin and a thousand years
ago.... And his new fake hand seems seemingly real.
I don’t bother him as he comes up the stairs, he’s
more or less just getting a feel for the place.
Thinking of how he’s going to be shooting his Docu
in here. The filming equipment and pair of tech guys
follow him on in.
Once he get’s everything set up, he heads down to the
base of the stairs to film all the fans coming in and to
greet them. Ya know... that’s pretty cool. I decide to
head into the theater area myself.
But before I get in, Bruce asks me... “Let me ask you
bit of trivia...” oh shit... I’m sooo fucking
doomed...”...you know in the first Evil Dead, when...”
FUCK, I haven’t seen the first Evil Dead.... I was
saving the experience for the Screen! “...Just
kidding... Hey... we have to do this Interview thing
with you, but we need to know at which part in this
thing you want to do it. Basically... Do ya wanna
miss part of the first film or the second film?”
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!! I don’t wanna miss
part of either. But Ash wants to torture me, and
given that is a cool thing, I figure why the hell not.
“Well, I haven’t seen the first film...” I say meekly.
“WHAT?!?!?!?” Bruce exclaims, I feel like a wart on
the ass of a she-bitch. I explain to him about my
desire to see it first on the big screen, and he thought
that was cool. So I tell him, that I’ll do it during
EVIL DEAD II. Man... I really don’t want to miss
any of that... But... Goddamit... At the same time....
It means hanging around Bruce while bright lights are
shoved in my face and a man with a fuzzy club over
my head is listening and a camera dude is filming and
Bruce is grilling me. I can feel like I’m in some sort
of cheesy Film Noir and I just got caught selling
crack to three year olds! Cool!
I head into the theater and get my regular seat....
1109... Should be renamed “Big Ass’s seat” cause...
I’ve just about never seen anybody else sit there.
As Dad and I sit down we pour our water, and watch
as Tom Joad arrives... followed by Quint, Ginger
Snatch and Super Slut. Then... Johnny Wad... and a
few minutes later... Peter Blood.
This was the hardest event to get into at the Alamo
ever... Even for me. Tickets sold out instantly when
they went on sale... and they wound up over-booking.
So there were extra seats all alongside the walls and
one extra on either side of each row. Some people
were just standing and sitting on the floor. The power
of Bruce compelled them.
The energy in the room was that of a shitload of
excited geeks. The predominant thought had to have
been... “Oh gosh... Oh golly... Ash is here... Ash is
here... Ash is here...” Yes, Ash is here.
Meanwhile on the Alamo’s screen an onslaught of
horror trailers were playing out. Trailers like...
“COLOR ME BLOOD RED, I DISMEMBER
MAMA, PUSH STEPHANIE IN THE
INCINERATOR and of course the classic...
CANNIBAL FEROX (aka MAKE THEM DIE
SLOWLY)”
Suddenly a spotlight hits the stage, and the crowd
roars, bellows and shrieks. Suddenly from out of the
shadows appears the ma....
Oh... it’s Tim... Mr. Alamo. The crowd calms... you
can feel their neurons racing back and forth. For a
while it seems as if Tim is speaking in the Charlie
Brown... Adult “wanna wa waaa wa waaaaaaa” sorta
voice, but as the adrenal gland stops pumping so
damn hard it begins... “waa wadda upcoming events
like the first annual Cannibal film festival in
August/September... we’ll be serving real human
flesh those nights” The crowd begin hootin’ and
hollerin’. An electricity is moving through the crowd.
Then Tim says, “The man I’m sure you are all waiting
to see and hear, the man of the hour.... Mr Bruce
Campbellllllllllll” his voice trailed off as the audience
screamed and yelled and clapped and whistled and
stood and stomped their feet and clamored and
exclaimed.
Bruce came out and started conducting the audience.
Lowering the applause, but then raising it up again.
He reminded me of an insane Stokowski awaiting a
rabid Mickey to interrupt him.
He’s being very ‘Bruce Campbell-y’. And I know
that sounds retarded... But... I just got this feeling that
he doesn’t go around all the time doing the
TERRIBLE PUNS he was doing. But ya know...
each one of those bricks knocked us all silly. Hee hee
heeeee...
Then he said, “I want to make an announcement.
There will be an Evil Dead 4!”
The crowd roars and screams and shouts and stands
on the feet cheering and cheering. Bruce just looks at
them all smiling, then adds... “When Monkeys fly out
of my ass! Do you think I want to do another of these
crazy films?” The audience screams “YES!” And
Bruce smiles..
The audience was up for this. He decides to begin
interacting with the audience... asking them questions,
like “How did the Evil Dead films change your life?”
And then mulling over their answers....
“Well man, it was like the first bit of High Art that
didn’t like bore the shit out of me!” exclaimed one
particularly odd looking fella in a perfect click of odd
lookers. Though if that ain’t a case of the pot calling
the kettle black, I don’t know what is.
Bruce was being pure classic up there. Talking about
how evil Sam Raimi is. How Sam loved the fact that
Bruce was his video game. Like the time he was
strapped to spinning X and Sam was given the
controls. Bruce would do this high erratic nervous
voice (aka his Sam voice) and start miming messing
with the controls... Talking about how fast he (Sam)
could get him (Bruce) to turn and then reverse
direction, etc... The audience was in stitches...
He started taking polls on who in the audience was a
‘gore hound’.... And my hand, along with everyone
on my row’s hand shot up, and sporadic hands around
the theater as well. Seems the AICN crew has an
abnormal lust for comedic gore.
Then he asked, “How many of you people think that
Army of Darkness represented me and Sam selling
out?”
The audience reaction to this was almost unified,
“Nooooo.... Y’all rule....” types of responses... But
there was a “YES! YOU DID!” in there.
That’s when Bruce stopped the audience with a,
“Who said that?” The audience hushed. He began
pointing out into the crowd... ‘Did you say that?’ The
funniest damn panic seemed to sweep the room.
Everyone terrified of being labeled as being the guy
or gal that said Bruce sold out. “We’re not gonna kill
ya, I’m just curious.” And the weasal answered.
“Oh, so you’re the little bastard. Ok Mr Smarty
Pants, why do you think that?”
And Mr Smarty Pants says, “Because man.... There
wasn’t enough gore. It was too cute!” This is when
Ginger Snatch sitting next to me exclaims.... “He’s
Right!”
I look at her horrified. Bitch, I think.
Bruce has obviously heard this before. And begins to
get into it. “Ya know... The MPAA is a strange
animal. The same year GOODFELLAS gets an R,
with that little Joe Pesci stabbing that guy in the trunk
50 times...” Bruce then does a Pesci imitation, “die
you fucking bastard die, you like this, take this...”the
whole time he’s doing stabbing motions.
“Meanwhile, Sam and I have moving skeletons and...
BAM NC-17!”
He then does brief little intros for each film, and says
he’ll be back for a Q&A after the movie.
THE EVIL DEAD....
You know what? I really had a strange reaction to
this film with this audience. To me, it felt more
earnest than the previous films. There were a few
comedic moments, but really... I felt it was more of a
straight horror film.
The audience though... seemed a bit programmed by
the other two movies to simply laugh because well...
Aren’t they supposed to laugh?
I didn’t particularly feel that this was like the other
films other than some of the stylistic camera moves
and abundance of various liquids spewing. I really
liked this film, and was a bit pissed that I hadn’t seen
it before.
You see.... doodily doo....doodily doo... Back in
1990 when I got my first dose of EVIL DEAD 2, the
person who brought it by on tape told me to be ready
for a surprise. Well... I loved the film, and instantly
knew to ask.... “How’s the first one?” He told me
that he thought it sucked. He hated it. That it would
be a waste of my time to see it. So... because I often
agreed with this guy that instead of seeing the first
one.... I would simply rewatch the second film over
and over and over and over again.
Right now, I’m currently thinking about reconsidering
seeing numerous films he warned me against... simply
to check and be sure. (A practice that I should have
been practicing all along.)
That end sequence where he is trying to... well... do
what it is he’s trying to do (just in case you haven’t
seen it) Well.... I thought it was tense as all hell. I
mean. Jesus. The guy just doesn’t look like he can
win. He’s a complete pansy ass in this film. There’s
two of them... and his ass is grass.
Wonderful sequence.
In all... I think I have a new ranking in terms of the
EVIL DEAD movies...
Evil Dead is the best Horror film of the lot.
Evil Dead II is the best film of the lot.
ARMY OF DARKNESS has the best BRUCE of the
lot.
As the film begins to end, I start thinking about the
movie and how it fits in. But quickly.... Bruce hops
back up on stage.
He asks, “Is there any questions about that film?”
A guy along the wall asks Bruce, “Well is it true that
Raimi feels this film leads into the next film as a
sequel, but you need to edit the second film up to
where Bruce gets knocked through the forest. And
from there on it’s a sequel?”
Bruce kinda looked a bit pained, but acknowledges
that Sam has... “all kind of theories...” spoken with
the height of sarcasm. He then went into confirming
that for the guy.
Next a guy asked, “Is it true... I mean, I’ve heard this,
But I just want to like know if it is true. But that
anyways... I heard that Sam is passing on the mantle
of the Evil Dead films to a younger filmmaker and I
was just wondering if you were like involved and are
you going to be Ash in that?”
Bruce stares at the guy as if he’s on some sort of
candy stick product with an excessive amount of
sugar. Then says, “Well.... That’d be Bullshit, so I
don’t have to answer any of that.”
Bruce went on for an hour. Telling stories of how
Sam likes to torture him. And fling fruit really hard
at him. And how in the Evil Dead films he lights to
really knock the shit out of the actors... and then
giggle and act all, “I won’t do that again.... Can we go
again...” and then he’d hit em twice as hard.
Bruce was loaded with stories about Dino
DeHorrendous and Bob Shaye-dy, and numerous
other... unsavories. He was asked what he thought of
the state of horror films, and he said that there really
weren’t horror films today. That these teen movies,
with their pop-soundtracks and knife wielders...
Well... they’re just not horror films. He then asked
the audience to go out and make real live fucking
horror movies. It may suck, but at least you tried!
The funniest bits were when Bruce began reading
e-mail that he had been sent. And folks... I swear to
God I wish I could remember, but I was laughing so
hard that my brain was bouncing against the interior
of my skull and I damaged those cells’ ability to
retain the humor.
But... the letters were just dead on... And the way
Bruce read them... Man... this should be a movie
(and it is... coming from Bruce Campbell.) We were
dying!
Next Bruce gave us a chance to take a piss, and I
realized this is when I needed to go out and meet up
with him to do the interview.
Bruce had to pose for a million pictures and sign a
bajillion autographs, but... He smiled through it all.
Being the trooper. He reminded me of what I
imagine Betty Grable must’ve felt like during those
USO tours of by gone ages.
Finally, we end up in the secret room beneath the
projection room. Bruce, me and his crew of two.
First off.... To explain how cool this setting was. Let
me go...
Imagine you are me. You are in a room, about twelve
feet long by six feet wide, by eight feet tall.
Alongside all the walls, from floor to cieling is liquor
and beer. More beer than is possibly imaginable.
Surrounded by Guinness and Heiniken and vodka and
rum and all sorts of flavored alcoholic additives.
Bags of unpopped popcorn surrounds me. Above me,
I can hear through the cieling, the footsteps of Tim, as
he’s readying up EVIL DEAD 2. The sound man,
Wayne Bell, was the guy who composed the score for
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. And the video
guy? Well he was Kurt Raut... He’s from Vegas,
home of neon and other coolities.
They have me lean up against the wall of beer and
begin the interview. They’re going for natural
flourescent lighting, so inevitably I’ll have a
jaundiced look...
Bruce then begins asking questions about fandom.
My experiences with them. Where it began. Where
it is headed. What has happened with the internet.
The types of fans. Who am I. Psycho fan stories. Is
fan-fantasies healthy. Why are fans never satisfied.
Good questions, and I think I did a good job of
answering them. Wow. So I guess now, I’ve been
directed by Robert Rodriguez, Simon Callow, Robert
Bella and Bruce Campbell. Cool. Two actors and
two directors. Strange.
Afterwards, Bruce and I talked for a bit. I could tell
he didn’t want to be asked about the whole Evil Dead
thing. He’s exhausted that subject for the evening.
So instead I ask him what’s next. Well... he’s off to
New Zealand to film the last filmed episode of
Hercules, and he had just finished directing the last
episode of Hercules that’ll air. He’s not sure how
much longer Xena will air. Beyond that, he’s not too
sure. He’s got a book coming out from St Martin’s
Press, and he’s working on this documentary.
Ya know. Bruce is a real nice guy. He’s charismatic
as hell. Of course that audience was in his corner, but
you know... That audience sees everything he’s in.
Whether it be 3 minutes of CONGO or some cheesy
straight to video flick.
Ya know... It’s kinda sad though. I just get the
feeling that if Hollywood could wake up this guy is a
star waiting to happen. And I don’t mean a cult star.
I mean a for real star. But at the same time, I get the
sense that Bruce revels in his cult status, for real.
As he said, “What do I want... a thousand fans that
see my movie 10 times or 10 fans that see the movie a
thousand times.” He would like the 10. He’s able to
walk the earth without being pushed into a wall to
sign autographs out of the blue, and he cherishes that
freedom.
But ya know. I get the sense that he and Sam have
something planned. I don’t know. Call it the fanboy
in me, but... Right now, Sam is in the midst of
carving out an ‘established director’ role in
Hollywood. He’s got this Costner film, A SIMPLE
PLAN before that... and he’s ‘playing ball’ a bit. But
at the same time I know that Sam is an evil bastard.
Bruce said as much on stage. And while he’s
directing this Hollywood film and that Hollywood
film. I get the sense that he’s pulling a Steven
Soderbergh... Where he uses the Hollywood films to
end up financing his own films. Or at least that’s my
belief.
We’ll see. After saying adieu to Bruce, I headed back
in to catch the last 30 minutes of EVIL DEAD 2.
What a joy. A film that is just fiercely original. I
love this film completely. Ya know... I missed the
first of the film, and I hate missing it... but the entire
time that interview was going on... the sound of the
projector cranking came through the cieling. The
cheers of the crowd and the sound of the film through
the walls and through the cans of intoxicants. And
there.... unharmed, unbloody and completely sane
was Bruce Campbell.
It’s soooo utterly bizarre. God, I love the Alamo
Drafthouse. In a few weeks Tim’s bringing two
munchkins from THE WIZARD OF OZ to the
Alamo... and ya know. I’m happy as can be.
An amazing world ya know. Simply amazing.
As I watched EVIL DEAD 3... ARMY OF
DARKNESS... I just smiled. My eyes were a bit
glazed over, and I was happy. Beside me laid conked
out and exhausted the sleepy bodies of Super Slut and
her concubine Tom Joad. Leaning into one another
with sweet little smiles as they dreamed of Candarian
demons and devilish books. Of chainsaws and
shotguns, and of Remingtons and flying eyeballs.
On the table in front of Dad laid our hand, with the
silver signature of Bruce Campbell... “ASH” and
beside me was Ginger Snatch.... Wide eyed with a
shit eating grin. Johnny Wad was laughing in
hysterics (He’d never seen an Evil Dead film) and
Quint had his head upon his hands as he was
transformed.
What an evening. I had to take you guys with me.
Sleep well. Good night.
To read the review on ARMY OF DARKNESS click here
All Photographs Taken Digitally With Harry's New Cybernetic WetWare Sony Mavica operated by... Harry
