Harry's Adventures on the set of Henry Selick's MONKEY BONE!!!

So... What was I up to out in California? Why was I at Moriarty Labs? What was the purpose of my journey?

Well, it all began a mere two days ago. I received a panicky plea from Sam Hamm... He's the fella that wrote BATMAN (only partly the one you've seen, the original masterpiece of a script was ripped to shreds by scoundrels that felt like tampering with perfection... cie la vie) Months ago, I had agreed to do a little cameo in Henry Selick's latest film... currently known as MONKEY BONE.

Now... I had never spoken to either of these men, I have had no dealings with them, they just wanted me to be in this movie. I guess we bloated redheads are coming into fashion... (tip: Get your head dyed red and eat extra BEN & JERRY's everyday beginning tonight!)

It's not a large part, I'm just supposed to play Brendan Fraser's next door neighbor. Someone who dresses sloppily and peeks in on what others are doing. So... naturally it is a stretch.

Well... Sam, you see, has been my contact, keeping me in the loop as to when I'd be needed for shooting. Originally, I was to be one of the 'Nightmare Generators', but.. my pleasant nature doesn't lend itself to such a stretch. Afterall... I'm not an actor, just a fat guy who can type mediocrly.

Sam, says basically, "HARRY PLEASE CONTACT ME ASAP! THEY ARE FILMING YOUR PART... TOMORROW! (Yes, I did say TOMORROW!)" Well, the one particular advantage to living the life of a slacker (albeit a curiously busy one), I can pick up and leave at a moment's notice... when the need arrives.

So I contact Sam, and the process of getting me to LA, begins. Now... This is weird because, just that very day, Robogeek had arrived to check out what was going on with MYSTERY MEN again, and now I'm headed out there. So, I alert Senior Moriarty to my arrival, and everything is set.

Now, you may ask me... "HARRY, Why do you accept these cameos?"

To be honest. It's because I'm a geek. I mean, this film is being directed by Henry Selick. Henry "NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS/JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH" Selick. One of the most cool fellas on the planet. I'd be in a film with Minotaurs, Centaurs, Medusas, Grim Reapers, Animated Monkeys, Harpies, Cyclops, Anthropormorphic Feline Waitresses... Can't you see... That's cool. In my own pathetic sense of self-coolness, I would exist on a plane of existence that would include them! Not only that, but Stephen King is going to do a cameo in the film as well. How could I say no?

"Well, you could assume the mantle of being a fair and impartial reporter that doesn't allow himself to be put in a situation where it appears he has been comprimised."

True, I could do that. But then I wouldn't be in a movie with Minotaurs, Centaurs, Cyclops, Harpies, etc! And when I'm 50, I want to be able to look back and say, "I was in a movie with Minotaurs, Centaurs, Cyclops and Harpies!" It's just one of them childhood dreams that I am duty bound to fulfill!

Now, unfortunately... My primary dream was to provide a voice for one of the supernatural characters in the film. No appearing on camera, but... Apparently I help fill a frame, thus saving on production costs... so they wanted me in live-action.

Alright, so I guess right about now you are wondering.... What is this MONKEY BONE about? Who does it star? Is it going to be cool?

Here we go...

I don't want to spoil the wonderful twists and turns of this film, so I'll just give a brief overview of the film.

This, FOX ANIMATION/1492, production is the most live-action project that Selick has ventured into yet. And, in alot of ways, it's quite possible one of the most mixed media films produced. There will be all manners of beasties and coolities brought to life from Stop-motion to CGI to costumes to... well just run through the list.

The movie is about a cartoonist named Stu, played by Brendan Fraser, who has created the next... 'In' character. Monkey Bone. An excitable raunchy naughty monkey that thinks about sex and doing what makes himself feel great. Stu is on the verge... nay... He's already there. Think of Matt Groening or Mike Judge. His creation has passed over into the mainstream and now... Well, now he's ready for success. He has a beautiful fiance, played by Bridget Fonda, and his television show is set to debut. The merchandising of his character is... burgeoning.

But.. the hand of fate will have none of that. As sometimes happens, a tragic accident occurs throwing Stu into a coma, which sends him to the strange netherworld of DARK TOWN. You see... When you go into a coma, you arrive in DARK TOWN, the place where monsters reside, and the folks in a coma sit and drink at a bar till it's time to return to their bodies, or take the escalator to Death's domain.

Naturally, Stu has to return to his body, and come out of his coma... or does he? Soon as we get to Dark Town, the movie enters the domain of Henry Selick. This isn't really kiddie friendly. It's dark (natch-really) and very bizarre. Of course it's exactly the sort of warped universe I ate up as a kid. And I only hope and pray that a large line of TOYS will accompany this, Selick's latest trip.

Ok... Now that you have an idea of the basic story, settings and universe that the film exists in... I'll go into my story and experience on set.

When I arrive at the airport, I'm instantly greeted by the PA (I believe Tony was his name, but I'm terrible at names, so instead... I'll refer to him as... The 4X4 Beachcomber... it's a reference to our journey back to the Airport today) He's standing there with this really groovy MONKEY BONE sign, that instantly caught my eye. BTW... I wanted the sign, but everytime I grabbed at it, he wouldn't let go, dagnamit!

We hop into his his red pickup and jaunty off for the hotel. You see, my calltime was at about 11pm, and this was an ALL-NIGHT shoot, thanks to Sam Hamm and his inconsiderate... "I like movies to be dark" nature!

So, here I am at the Universal Sheraton, and... as much as I want to go hop over to UNIVERSAL and try out that T2-3D ride... I have to hook up with Moriarty and visit CREATURE FEATURE and GOLDEN APPLE... no trip to L.A. would be complete without that! So... the old man shows up at the hotel with Salma Stalker, and we head off to this sandwich shop... somewhere called, Santiarrios (I am positive I screwed that up!)

At CREATURE FEATURE, my brain goes into OVERLOAD, and I mess up being able to buy anything simply because... There are too many options. I really wanted this TALOS model... but try as I might, they wouldn't sell it. Curses!

So it's off to Golden Apple, where I pick up the new McFarlane Toys of DAWN (for my sister) and that coolest of cool Sin City toy. Ahhhh....

Leaving there, we head to Moriarty Labs, where I meet the various henchmen and learn of Robogeek's indiscretions which commenced during his stay in Los Angeles.

I do the couple of postings that I did yesterday, and then head with Salma Stalker back to my hotel. Once there, I fall into a slumber... Dreaming of stop-motion animated creatures walking around me.

When the phone rings, my concious side awakes... talks to the angelic voice of "Ellen" and then I fall back into my deep pit of unconciousness.

Finally, the annointed time arrives and a call alerts me that 'my driver' is here.

Alright, now this driver ain't no ordinary human being. His name is Chico. And...

Do you remember BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA? Remember Egg Shen? Chico is the mexican-american version of Egg Shen. Which basically means.... He's one of the coolest entities I have ever had the good fortune to meet. He's in his late sixties. And remember the pentameter with which Egg Shen spoke? Well that's how he spoke. He went into stories of driving Matlock for 7 years all over the country. He talked of the time he drove to Texas, and saw the sign with the woman built like "a brick shithouse waving and saying, 'Welcome to Texas, enjoy your stay!' and then... about twenty miles down the road was this sign that put the fear of god into me, it said 'Don't Mess With Texas!' and then had all these rules you had to follow. And from that point on, I was afraid, cause they don't take no shit in Texas!"

Then as we drove on the 101, Chico looked out his window and said, "This is where I was raised... right here out your win...dow. A great deal has changed since then. Right here, right where we are driving I used to ride my bicycle down the center of the dirt road that laid here. There were houses on either side and the people were happy. Yes, they were happy. There was no troubles or miseries... And then the highways came and the neighborhood was cut in two. And now... now there is no dancing in the streets and many are miserable souls."

Chico rules! I'm serious... out of all the memories that I will take home from this trip, it is Chico and his magic van that I'll take with me. At any moment I expected some sort of hell-demon to attack us, and Chico to repell him with a thrown acorn of power. It felt as though adventure was on the cusp of pushing through to our world. Yes... Chico is the man.

Upon closing in on the set, I began to catch glimpse of a floating glowing orb hovering above a black tarp covered home. I thought, "Is it a good witch or a bad witch?" And then I wondered about The Prisoner and if he was alright. I'm not sure how this device works, but it casts a halo of soft light that illuminates a vast area of space. I want one of these for the backyard. They'd be nifty. I want 12 of them that I could attach to a hot air ballon, then travel the world scaring the bejeesus out of the non-technical people of the world.

I left the hospitality of Chico's van and shook his hand... the arc of electricity confirmed that Chico was not of this earth. Goody.

I turn to see 'The Crew'. You can tell instantly when you see 'The Crew'. They all have tell tale signs of duty. That one over there was a grip and that one too. Those are hair and makeup... Over there was a costume person... The food people, the lighting people, the set photographer... and the one... completely uninvolved person on the set. That had to be the screenwriter Sam Hamm.

He comes a triapsing through the front yard like the dynamic writer he is. How to describe Sam... Well, to me, he looks like the sort of guy that would have a Cocker Spaniel who's hair would be going a tinge of white. I don't know if that gets what I'm saying to YOU across, but it perfectly communicates my impression of the man.

As we shook hands a charge went through me. That hand typed half of the best darn script experience I ever had. God I love his original draft of BATMAN.

"Why do you read scripts Harry?"

Well... Quite frankly, because I read Sam Hamm's BATMAN... and discovered that it was approximately 15 times better than the movie. Because it painted a movie in my mind that was, definatively... the best superhero movie I have ever seen, heard or experienced.

I say this, and I have said it before, that his BATMAN script and the resulting movie, propelled me to think... Maybe the scripts are better than the resulting movies.

Now, that isn't always the case, but everynow and again it is true. Will 13 DAYS be as great as the script was? Well, it could be... it just depends on whether or not the process doesn't screw it up. Or... here's another angle on it. Did you just pick up HANNIBAL to read? Well, that represents Thomas Harris' picture of the future movie HANNIBAL. And boy is it a dark and treacherous place. But... ya know... I read Thomas Harris' novel 'SILENCE OF THE LAMBS', Ted Tally's script (a couple of drafts) and saw the final film. All three gave a wonderful piece of enjoyment. Ted Tally's script was fantastic, as a work unto itself. It was a joy, and it was not the final film. As for the film? It was a joy unlike the previous two experiences.

Scripts are 'works' unto themselves. It is a hidden medium of literature that unfortunately doesn't see the light of day for those across the country that wish to read them. I have often felt that Studios should publish the scripts, and market them. Develop a readership for them. Hell, put them out before the film... Release the first draft, write a disclaimer at the front that describes briefly how the final work will change, but how this is the work of the screenwriter in it's purest form.

And it's a joy to read. The ideas, the promise, the lack of budget constraints, before the influence of directors and stars. If director's are allowed to release "director's cuts" then why, pray tell can writers not release their 'Written Cut" of the film, as can only be seen on these typed pages.

Currently, it's my favorite medium of writing to read. It's like a play. Do you read plays? I used to, before I read scripts... and let me tell ya, it's a joy. A novel paints the entire universe of the story for you. It tells you of the sediment floating in the air. It lays bare the inner most thoughts of the characters. It describes the smell of sweat and tequila in the west Texas bar in hot as hell heatwave.

But in a script... it doesn't do this. It might very well be...

INT. WEST TEXAS BAR - DAY

And it is then reliant on my brain to paint it. To put the floaties in the air, the beads of sweat upon the many brows, the raspy sounds of Johnny Cash bellowing out of the yonder Juke Box. And I have to do that quickly, lest I lose myself by Bogarting the moment.

So, that is why... when I met Sam Hamm... It was an honor. I've read his scripts for BATMAN, BATMAN II, MONKEY BONE and the magnificient tome he wrote for Terry Gilliam called... THE WATCHMEN. Yes... that's the reference.

Sam took me on the tour of the set. The backyard, the mangled car, the garage missing shingles and boards on the roof, so that if you stand on the inside... and the haze of Los Angeles was gone, you could make out the twinkling of a... well... technically because of the lights given off by this town, and that floating glowing balloon... you might, by squinting be able to see VENUS or even our own moon. He takes me into the house, the domain of Stu... And as I try to navigate through the house with my large piece of luggage wrapped round my neck, I try to stay out of the way, and to not knock over any lights.

I'm introduced to... 'the 1492 guy', to an AD, to a couple of other producers... and finally.. there, right behind the cameras... standing upright, and focused on something out the window (the reflection was such that I couldn't make it out) was.... Henry Selick.

Now, I am painfully aware of how 'kissassy' this piece is gonna look in regards to Sam Hamm and Henry Selick... but.. There are very few people on this planet that I respect like Sam Hamm... And Henry Selick is the actualized version of who I most wanted to be when I was a kid.

I wanted to do whatever it was that Ray Harryhausen did. But I never had a 16mm camera that'd let me go 1 frame at a time. I never could afford the materials needed (or that I perceived as needing) to create that magic.) But Henry Selick... He set out in this world to keep Stop Motion alive as an Art Form and device for storytelling. He was able to make the first mainstream feature length 100% Stop Motion movie... a feat I had always figured Phil Tippet was going to do. Instead, Tippet set out to revolutionlize digital effects by adapting the magic basic elements of Stop Motion.

But here, here was the man that moved Jack Skellington, who directed Sandy Claws, and directed my favorite movie of the Nineties... "THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS" He's someone who understands MAGIC. And this set. This set was his next movie. My god, I can't believe I'm here.

If that sounds 'fanboyish' it is. But that's my honest to goodness reaction. Now...

How did everything look?

Well, to be honest. It looked like a movie shooting at a house somewhere in Los Angeles. There was nothing particularly remarkable about the set, but rather... it was the normal side of the coin, of which there is an amazingly cool flipside.

However, before I got too acquanted with the goings ons about me... I was whisked away to my trailer, where I would begin the costuming phase.

Alright, so I'm walking to my trailer when Brendan leaps out of his trailer to attack me with a bear hug. This throws me a bit, but we do a little bit of small talk, cause I'm in a hurry to do the whole costume thing.

Wow, my own trailer, or technically half a trailer. It has a tv, a vcr and a cd player. There's a lot of Sam Adams beer in the fridge (best to stay away Harry, my mind thought), a shower, a toilet with a foot pedal like that old organ of my mother's. There's a closet... and... that's about it.

So, I'm sitting in the trailer... looking into the tri-fold mirror and looking away just before the stress factors of the mirror give way and it breaks... when

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

I say, "Come In!"

And in walks this really adorable lady. She's carrying a filthy shirt that says "LUCKY" and then she says, "Show me your boxers!"

Ok... Now this is where Harry had to exhibit an abnormal amount of self-control. I had just been staring in the mirror and was quite aware that I still looked like Harry, so I was relatively sure that this wasn't a prelude to a fantasy, except... she was holding a big shirt for me that said "Lucky". Perhaps this was one of them destiny things...

But before I could unzip and get the show on the road, she blushes and says giggling "Henry wants to shoot you in your boxers."

Now my instant thought was... "DAMN!" but then the next thought was, "How did Henry Selick know I wear boxers and not bikini underwear?" I reach in my bag and pull out my boxers. She looks at them and says, "What boxers are you wearing now?"

SHUT UP BRAIN!

I point at the white pinstripe ones. She then tells me to get in the grey ones, and put on the shirt.

As I begin to unbutton my shirt she... LEAVES. "One does not gaze on the Gorgon and expect to live to tell of it!"

So, there I am. Dressed in tan boxers and a LUCKY shirt that looks as if I sweated for 7 years without ever changing my shirt. (Remind self to try this experiment) I decide to put on my levi shorts lest my gorgon snakes out, and venture forth from my trailer to find... Absolutely nobody awaiting me. Dejected, I return to the trailer. I have decided, trailers are boring. I have a VCR... but I don't have a tape. I have a TV, but no cable. I have a CD player, but no CDs. So I decide to play with the foot pedal on the toilet. That's fun.

After what seemed like an hour, this pasttime began to bore... No no.. it's true... even a toilet footpedal can grow old if you do too much. Though the blue water did remind me of the Disney PECOS BILL short.

I decide to explore. Walk the neighborhood, when Costume Lady (I wish I could retain names, I really do) approaches me. She takes me to 'Hair and Makeup' and in there, I see Brendan having his 'look' applied, and me... well I sit in my chair and let Make-Up Dude go to work on his biggest canvas yet.

Quickly, I'm done. This will be a far away shot, I'm told. So, I move down to Brendan's level of the make-up trailer, and wait for HAIR. We begin talking about all sorts of things. He has a series of illustrated books like "THE BIG BOOK OF LOSERS" and I forget the other one, but it was one of those "THE BIG BOOK OF..." books. I bought the killer ones for my sister in the same series. So we talk about those, and then talk about the neighborhood kids. You see, this isn't the best area of L.A., but because of his GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE and the recent THE MUMMY, Brendan has a significant kid following. And when he's not shooting, he's hanging out with the kids from the neighborhood and talking with them. They're eager to see DUDLEY DOO-RIGHT, which I know is screening in L.A. tomorrow. So I tell Brenden that they are testing DUDLEY with an "Under 15 and over 35" audience. He responds, "Ahhh, parents and kids."

We chat about something that's coming up for me, that is a secret right now... I'll tell ya when I can, and then about Ian McKellen playing Magneto. That's something he's excited to see. We then talk about the misery of Press Junkets. Something that I haven't really experienced at its horrific peak.

In all, we talked about general topics for about an hour. And in that time I got the feeling that here was a very well adjusted fella. A good guy. After a bit he took off, and Costume Lady said my shirt needed to be dirtier, so I had to go get in my Hawaiin shirt again. Henry apparently liked my Hawaiian shirt alot, so I'm supposed to wear it to my second day of shooting this coming Monday.

So, I hang out in my trailer some more. Ya know, I thought you could get tired of the toilet pedal, but really... You can't.

Time passes, and the angelic Ellen comes to whisk me to witness something that Henry wants me to see. Cool.

So I hop in the van, and head up to set. Upon arrival, I'm told to head in the backyard. They had one of them huge inflatable landing pads for hitting when you jump from way up high. Cool, a STUNT!

Alright, I've always wanted to see some dude be insand and leap off the side of a perfectly stable structure. Though this was a rather modest leap, a mere 3 stories and, the guy could probably do the leap with minimal shin damage without the bag... In Hong Kong, this stunt would be done without the bag. So, I take in what's happening. I see 2 Panavision Cameras, one for close-up, the other for the long shot.

The stuntman is dressed like some bizarre superhero, and to tell the truth, I have no idea where this takes place in the script. This must be the product of a new draft. I ask Sam, "What's going on, where does this fit in?" Sam just looked at me and smiled as he said, "You'll see..."

The Bastard. Aaargh.

The first leap did really really great, on the monitor the plastic apron-wearing gas-mask donning Monkey Bone toy carrying weirdo started flapping his arms in midleap as if he were attempting to fly. It came out.... wonderful. BUT Henry Selick felt the jump was too far out, he wanted the fella to jump and look like he was landing closer to the house. So they set it up again... and all was well.

They had to continue with the shot sequence, so they shot a landing, the climbing up the side of the house, the running about the backyard... You know.. The standard insanity stuff.

Then at about 4am I had to ascend to the third floor of the next door neighbor's house and film my scene. This strange looking apron dude has just done something in the backyard I'm told. I, being the concerned and nosey neighbor that I am, turn on the lights, rush to the window, and peer out at the madness below with a look of agitation upon my brow.

Now, they only bring in the most amazingly trained actors for such sequences. I had to, react to a light being turned on, then rush to a window, pull back the curtain, look out and show a look of agitation. That's a tough and complicated thing to do. Also, I had to focus only upon the strange apron dude in the backyard and not the camera crew or the 1492 dude or the floating glowing orb. Nope... this would require some of that zen buddha focusing of my spirit. I sat in the room cross-legged and in mid-levitation whilst I got centered and found my center.

When I was emotionally prepared and after soaking my left pinky in 102 degree water (it's necessary folks, it's not eccentric), I was ready for the shot.

We shot it a couple of times... and... I was done. It was time to return to the hotel, and fall into the realm of slumber.

I'm told that I will shoot my next scene this coming Monday, and it will require the operation of a garden hose. I tell ya, you wouldn't see them asking these so-called professional actors to do this sort of thing. Instead they call me... cause I can operate technical thingees and emote all at the same time. That just ain't your common run of the mill cameo work. I'm gonna have to look like I'm naturally watering stuff, and then I'll have to look like I'm emotionally believing that I'm wanting to water this stuff, and that I'm not aware of being on camera. Tough, I know. But that's why they called me in for this. They have faith in my... Talent!

Sigh... Hopefully I'll get a glimpse at some of the 'other' cool things going on with MONKEY BONE... like the city or some of the monster designs. I'm really curious about this stuff. It's what I'm dying to see. I've got my fingers crossed.