THE WILD WILD WEST review
Published at: June 29, 1999, 12:41 a.m. CST by headgeek
Just got back from THE WILD WILD WEST... A
movie that has had a troubled ‘net history’. Bad buzz
from screenings, ineffective (for me) trailers and a
movie with an attitude just crying to be bad
mouthed... but ya know what?
This isn’t “THE AVENGERS” or “HUDSON
HAWK” or “THE BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES”
or “BATMAN AND ROBIN”. This isn’t a wholesale
disaster. The movie doesn’t scrape the cinematic
scum from the filmic commode. Nope.
But then, it’s not particularly great either.
Instead it is, for me, a bit of an entertaining film made
up of moments.
I anticipated getting ready to let Will Smith have it
with both barrels. I was fully prepared to write the
most hateful diatribe against an actor I could muster...
But Will would not let me. He’s just too damn
charming. He plays his Jim West as a Timothy
Dalton JAMES BOND with a dash of Roger Moore.
His verbal banter with Kenneth Branagh is fantastic,
though his physical fighting was too ‘edited’ for my
tastes. In the post Hong Kong/Matrix universe of
wires and digital stuntmen... Will, frankly doesn’t
come across as a Sean Connery whupper of asses.
Instead he’s a bit like Jar Jar in his action scenes...
Sort of dumb-lucking his way through them.
I liked Jim West. Anytime somebody was about to
call him a ‘nigge..’ BONK, he’d knock hell out of
them. Anytime the word ‘boy..” was used,
KeerRACK somebody’s skull was cracking. He also
has no qualms about KILLING.
Now I’m gonna go back and forth between things that
worked and didn’t work in this film, so you can get
the sort of schizophrenic feeling of how the moments
could swing from one extreme to the other.
I like Kevin Kline.... sometimes. And this was not
one his better moments for me. In fact the level of his
badness is hard for me to put into words. Imagine if
you shuffled ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET
SERVICE’s James Bond with CASINO ROYALE’s
James Bond as a side kick. Kline is a buffoon in
WWW. His entrance in the film is TERRIBLE! It is
neither funny nor cool to me. Instead it falls
completely flat. The whatever it was he was doing on
stage was one of the most forgettable stage
performances in history. I kept wishing we would
have been treated to the style and grace in the order
of Lili Von Schtupp. Alas.... His character has
ZERO chemistry with Will Smith in this film. As
strange as it seems, I kinda wished during the film
that Artemus had been played by... Say Don Cheadle.
Now I’m not saying this in a, “a white dude and a
black dude just don’t cut it sort of way,” but for me...
In this universe of THE WILD WILD WEST, I felt
that Will Smith was alone. Kevin Kline never once
seemed to admire a thing that Will Smith did or felt.
Kevin just seemed to exist... point blank... He just
took up time on screen, had no character definition...
No reason to exist other than to push buttons... not
emotional buttons mind you, but tangible ones... the
mechanical types. And after the 8th one... well even
this becomes routine.
The characters had two radically different ways of
doing things. One was through the front door with
guns blazing and charm flying... the other was in a
corset or behind crepe hair or with a belly bladder.
Will’s character had some actual depth, a bit of
motivation and always moved forward.
For me, the thought of Don Cheadle playing the
intellectual, costume wearing Artemis intrigued me.
Imagine having two lawmen in the old west,
post-Civil War. Both working in the South. One is
not ashamed of who he is or the color of his skin.
He’ll walk right in the middle of a buncha redneck
bastards and call em out, while the other (Artemus)
hid under make-up. Turning himself white, adding
the breasts... trying to be anything but who he is.
Maybe not ashamed, but taking pride in being able to
infiltrate the highest WHITE society and unravel it
from within without so much as a bullet fired, would
say... fill him with pride and accomplishment. But
Kline can’t cut the mustard here.
Well... they tried it with Kevin Kline... but his
character came across as ludicrous with no soul in his
eyes and a blank face whilst Will Smith came across
as the hero, no matter the skin color. HELLO! Both
are HEROES!
Ok, ok ok ok... Back to the good.
Kenneth Branagh. Sir, I love you in movies.
Branagh is a jewel in character roles, and as the
legless LOVELESS, I do believe I have found my
favorite Branagh character yet. Every single moment
he spends on screen screams coolness. His accent
will undoubtedly chew on some people’s ears till they
bleed, but to mine... It was the belligerent over the top
rousing Senator Calhoun feeling, just shy of
FOGHORN LEGHORN but oh so gloriously over the
top. All of my favorite moments of this film have
Branagh together with Will Smith (with the notable
exception of the belly-dance sequence which was one
of the greatest embarrassments on film I’ve seen in
quite some time. Reminded me of the Michael Lerner
dance number in THE MOD SQUAD)
Kenneth’s Arliss Loveless is the best Bond villain in
a couple of decades. He chews the scenery and is
always the object of focus even when he’s got a giant
mechanical spider shooting flames from it’s flame
shooter thingee (sorry for the technical terms).
Now back to the bad. WHEW! Man, I can’t believe
I’m gonna harp on the beautiful lovely Salma Hayek
but my god what a catastrophe. Her character is
simply non-existent. She pops up enough to beckon
the question, “Why is she here?” But then gone again
so quickly that you go, “Where did she go?” And
depending who in the aisle asks the question, another
person may very well answer, “Who really gives a
shit?”
She is strictly eye-candy in the film. Now I have to
admit to admiring the open air ass cheeks of Salma
Hayek with a fondness akin to that of seeing a scoop
of triple chocolate set in a cinnamin waffle cone.
Both are simply delicious... and judging from my
waist, three guess which I’ve been partaking in.
However, it feels as though someone has taken
Marilyn Monroe and placed her as a chorus line hussy
who is completely unaware of her charms... BUT not
in that.... ‘oh baby I gotta get some of that’ way.
Quite honestly they diffused her of her charisma...
She doesn’t feel sensual in this film. She doesn’t
walk with the confidence that she wields the greatest
weapon to face mankind... and it doesn’t shoot lead or
brimstone. Before using Salma Hayek in a movie
again, will somebody PLEASE take a look at
DESPERADO and see how to treat her with the
camera. In this setting I kept being reminded of how
much cooler Raquel Welch was in the west.
Salma is taking some high profile roles, but... They
just are not doing anything for her. It seems they are
all playing to her weaknesses and completely
abandoning the charm she so easily wields in person.
Back to the good...
The design of this film is just gorgeous. We have to
hail Bo Welch and Tom Duffield as well as the
costume design of Deborah Lynn Scott. The film is
really really beautiful. Everything having to do with
Branagh’s Arliss Loveless and his universe is
breathtaking. From his look to the mechanical stuff
to his headquarters to his women. The only
mechanical thingee I don’t like is the flying device,
which I preferred in YOUNG SHERLOCK
HOLMES.
The beauty of Victorian gadgetry is one of my most
favorite aspects of the old Jules Verne, H.G. Wells
universe. I love the concept of old fantastical
equipment that was perhaps lost in the shrouds of
time. Now while I really really love the various
mechanized stuff, this throws the film in competition
with movies like George Pal’s THE TIME
MACHINE, Disney’s 20,000 LEAGUES BENEATH
THE SEA, Harryhausen’s MYSTERIOUS ISLAND
and FIRST MEN IN THE MOON. And at that level
it loses, simply because the lack of elegance... and
one of the problems the film has that keeps it from
taking it off (besides Kevin Kline’s abysmal
performance) is Elmer Bernstein’s score.
Alright, this is where I begin feeling the stones being
hurled at me, but listen. I like the score as a stand
alone. Away from the film, I think it works, but
inside of the film... it just isn’t WESTERNY
ENOUGH. I mean.... This is Elmer Bernstein. The
man who scored some of John Wayne’s big scores...
He scored one of the absolute greatest western scores
of all time, THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN... And
going into this film where I sensed the potential of
that classic Western theme... but a possible mixing of
the awe and grandeur of say... THE TEN
COMMANDMENTS or the comedic beats of
GHOSTBUSTERS.... Oh man, I was expecting truly
great things from this score. In fact... Against all the
bad buzz, I was pulling for Bernstein to save the
movie. And he does... but only to a degree, and then
he hurts it. The score when West is atop Branagh’s
train.... it felt ‘ho hum’. And... ya know... That’s Jim
West fighting with a bad guy on top of a speeding
train and the score felt... ‘ho hum’? Eeeek!
Now just so ya know, I’m not a follower of THE
WILD WILD WEST television show. I haven’t
watched tons of them, but my father is a devout
follower of Jim West and Artemus. He really disliked
the film. He was offended not by Will Smith, but in
the goofing around fighting where he seemed to
simply luck out. “JIM WEST doesn’t just luck out
and bungle around! Jim West is calm and cool and
kicks ass. Artemus was the bungler,” to quote Father
Geek. He liked the cool effects stuff, but hated the
mano a mano fist fights of the film. And frankly I
really do agree.
If Barry and Will are going to make ALI.... Well,
there is going to need to be some modifying of their
theory of fight choreography. Because in this film....
like in MEN IN BLACK, it’s sloppy and lazy and
unclear as to the motion of the scenes.
So... If that tells you anything about my feelings on
THE WILD WILD WEST, I hope you at least get the
feeling that if you do go see it... There is the potential
to enjoy the film. It is not an Atomic Bomb. But it
isn’t a real completely enjoyable film either. I will be
seeing it again though this Thursday up in
Minneapolis/St Paul as part of that CONvergence
convention I’m going to. (Takes place this Thursday
through Sunday)
I feel about this movie, alot like I felt with THE
MUMMY. I wanted it to be more than what it was. I
felt there were a couple of TERRIBLE performances,
though Will Smith and Kenneth Branagh are better
than any performances in THE MUMMY. The
effects are groovy CGI, but it is CGI and you can feel
that. But here, they feel a bit like a Pulp cover
moving so that’s kinda cool. The women in both are
disappointments. Sidekicks are terrible. Overall fun,
but not completely satisfying. It made me come home
and watch 20,000 LEAGUES BENEATH THE
SEA.... What a great movie that is!