Hey folks, Harry here. You may remember my report I filed from filming my cameo in MONKEY BONE (Click Here To Access That Report). Well, it dawned on me that I have not given you folks the second half of that report. My second day filming on MONKEY BONE is... as of yet... unwritten about. Well, let's see how far I get in this... There is a lot to describe, plus... I'm still waiting on some stills that were taken on set to arrive. (Yo, Sammy boy! Donde?)
Alright, set the way back machine for Monday, June 14, 1999.
(Diddly doo Diddly doo Diddly doo)
{The Screen Goes Wiggly}
[Then Straightens Out]
I am tired of Air Travel. In the last 4 days I’ve been on planes for a total of 17 hours. Actually... it wasn’t that bad. Hell, it was actually pretty damn cool. Who am I kidding, I’m the luckiest kid in the world.
I’m still a happy boy from the knowledge that I’m gonna be in a movie with Minotaurs, Centaurs, Medusas, Grim Reapers, Animated Monkeys, Harpies, Cyclops, Anthropormorphic Feline Waitresses. I can’t believe my luck, but my first day on set really kinda depressed me in a way. Where were the Minotaurs, Centaurs, Medusas, Grim Reapers, Animated Monkeys, Harpies, Cyclops, Anthropormorphic Feline Waitresses? I thought they’d be walking around the set and stuff. You see... I have never shot this type of movie before, and I figured it was probably gonna be like Roger Rabbit, and the various creatures would be sitting in director’s chairs smoking cigars and getting hot babes to wander into their trailers. You know... The way it really is.
I had been told that my scenes take place in our reality, but that when they actually begin shooting in Dark Town that all those monstrous actors would be walking around and being cool as can be. BUT I DON’T GET TO BE IN THOSE SCENES.... (kicking can around my room)
So I just sat there pouting and sucking my thumb. Oh sure... I was in a scene with Brendan Fraser. But... He’s not a Minotaurs, Centaurs, Medusas, Grim Reapers, Animated Monkeys, Harpies, Cyclops, Anthropormorphic Feline Waitresses. So on this day as Chico was driving me to set I was a bit more solemn than my first trip. Oh sure... Chico was still the single coolest entity on the planet, but from experience... I wasn’t going to be seeing any Minotaurs, Centaurs, Medusas, Grim Reapers, Animated Monkeys, Harpies, Cyclops, Anthropormorphic Feline Waitresses. Once on set I went to my trailer and waited for costuming. This time, I had brought a couple of CDs (NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS and JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH) to put me in the state of mind... Prepare me and my character for the universe I was traversing into.
“I am becoming a Henry Selick character. I will become Mr Snyder. I am no longer Harry Knowles. I am becoming a Henry Selick character. I will become Mr Snyder. I am no longer Harry Knowles. I am becoming a Henry Selick character. I will become Mr Snyder. I am no longer Harry Knowles.”
The PAs allowed me to go into this tantric state of conciousness where I was perging my existence and laying in a new character. Mr Snyder.
In my state I saw my entire character arc from birth. From my third floor bedroom in Los Angeles I rule the world with my Garden Hose. I spray and give life-inducing water to the earth... creating a cycle of events that begins each morning right here. Below that spot that I water is a flaming Titan that I must extinguish each and every morning. He begins as a flick of flame and if I’m late... He could ignite the entire Earth and storm his way across the rainbow bridge to Asgard. But me... and my garden hose keep him in check.
However, the reason you won’t see my heroic character and his epic quest is because of Sam Hamm and his decision to focus on my loopy neighbor Stu. If he had only the vision to understand the phenomenal importance of my character to the very existence of the earth itself.... The constant battle to suppress the powerful forces lurking just below the gentle daffodils below my window. Sigh. If only Sam had had the vision to see.
So instead of lining up on my side of the fence and witnessing the awesome spectacle... They would be focused on some reanimated corpse breaking and entering into stupid ol Stu’s house. Sure Chris Kattan’s character is going to notice me up in my window, sure he’s gonna try to reassure me that it’s perfectly normal that a dead man with duct taped guts in a red jogging suit breaking into my neighbor’s house is... OK. But really... What do I care? I’m saving the world on my side of the fence. He’s performing a tiny taters crime.
Now some of you may wonder why my character waters from the third floor. Some may assume that it’s because I’m fat and lazy. You have limited thought capacities. If I were down there... On the lawn, the evil demons beneath my grass might consume me with fire. But I’m smarter than they are. You’ll see. I don’t catch on fire.
I told everyone my motivation for my character, and they would just stare at me. They didn’t understand the importance of my character. I explained it, and they just did not grasp it. It’s sad really.
Today was a daytime shoot. And my call time was at pre-dawn. Whew.
I met Dave Foley, he seemed pretty cool. Chris Kattan was very cool... but then... he had duct tape around his abdomen and his stomach was split open with a wonderful view of viscera beneath. Very cool.
Henry was in a gleeful mood, and the shirt he had them adorn me with said simply.... STIFF. (For the joke to be revealed, read what my last shirt said in the previous report, linked at the top of the page)
He was completely delighted by the joke. Actually... so was I. After all, if any two words describe me, LUCKY STIFF, are probably more apt than any I can think of.
For my part of the act... it was surprisingly difficult. I had to walk up to the window and begin spraying back and forth down upon my garden, the whole time whilst watching Kattan’s actions.
Ok... Now I know that ‘SOUNDS’ easy, but it really wasn’t. There was a stunt required of me. You see. I’m REALLY fat. And the window is REALLY small. I had to smoothly fit into the window frame smashing one arm into my belly and window just below the word on my shirt and not have a pained look upon my face. Best supporting actor material folks. Year 2001 Oscars... You’ll see me, and I’ll thank all the people below in Talk Back that post with the heading, “HARRY is the Greatest Supporting Actor In History!!!” Note... It must read exactly that, and your name will be thanked by me when I accept my Best Supporting Actor Oscar in 2001.
As you would expect from a professional with my talent, it didn’t take many takes to get my awesome talent upon screen... However, I was told they’d be shooting with Kattan for the rest of the day. Sad isn’t it? Sigh.
So as I left the set and returned to my trailer I was told that Sam Hamm was en route from San Francisco to abduct me for some sort of private hell of his. Joy. So I sat in my trailer and awaited Sam the man.
Minutes drifted into an hour which turned into several. Seems Sam, either slept late or the plane had problems. Yeah... uh huh... Tick tock tick tock.
I was going over in my head all the curse words I could string together to describe the finest qualities of Mr Hamm’s... when suddenly as if by magic he arrived.
Now Sam has this studious look upon his face as if he’s trying to multiply 111,111,111 by 111,111,111. I kept saying 12,345,678,987,654,321 and he kept telling me to stay quiet. Finally, he figured out the ignition on his car and we were off for parts unknown.
As we were speeding along one of Los Angeles’ many freeways, Sam would spontaneously turn his turn signal on and stay in the same lane. He did this about a dozen times in both directions. But when he did get over he used no signal. He said that this was his way of keeping the world on it’s toes. He scares me.
Finally we screeched to a halt outside this really big thingee... you know... a place where they shoot interiors? Ummmm.... Something like Aural Performance Halls, I believe that is what Sam called it.
Well, as I walked with him up to the security guard posting, I swear the guy was reaching for his gun. Sam scares people man... Not me, I know him, but this security guy was scared. It was as if I was walking with a clown or something.
We had to walk on up to the production office, where Sam had to spontaneously create genius dialogue on the spot for some scene or another coming up soon. Shockingly... he did. Then they paid him with three suitcases with an undetermined amounts of bills inside. Sam just wanted to know if the money was clean... whatever that means.
Anyway, Sam was tired of me already... as is often the case when people meet me, and he hustled me to this other building.
Now, Sam was slapping me every now and then, but he said he had to make it look good for the studio. I didn’t see any cameras, but... I went along with the beatings. Finally we got inside and... I almost started to cry.
Little statues of the various Minotaurs, Centaurs, Medusas, Grim Reapers, Animated Monkeys, Harpies, Cyclops, Anthropormorphic Feline Waitresses!!!! I was soooo excited. I mean, Holy COOL!
There is an immediate reaction to the style of the characters. They are done in a somewhat Cubist styling. For example, when you and I think of Harpy, we most likely think of the Harpies from JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS, well... here... the Harpies are these bizarre six titted flying pig like creatures with furry wings. Their faces are as if they were squished against a plate of glass, then pulled out in the strangest of positions. There were characters that had gigantic arms and tiny bodies and walked upon their knuckles. Medusas? Well, their snakes were multiple colors and patterns. Not all one color or type of snake. They rocked.
The best way to describe the look of the characters is for you to imagine the designs on the old 1800 and turn of the century carnival posters advertising Freaks and Oddities. The depiction of say... DEVIL MAN on the painted canopy would be the literal translation of Devil Man, instead of just some schmuck with horns glued on his head. This stuff was VERY VERY cool looking.
I was set to begin flexing my pinky finger to trigger my Hat-Cam, when Sam ripped it off my head and destroyed it.
“Harry, there’s no way I can let you take pictures of this stuff, THEY’D kill me.”
This arose a great deal of paranoia. If a studio would be willing to kill a screenwriter... then... Well, I should be safe, they’ve been killing screenwriters for years and noone has really complained but Screenwriters... And the studio can always re-write anything they say.
Next, Sam took me on a tour of the soundstages.
The first few were gigantic lumber mills filled with endo-skeletons of things that are not yet realized. It’s very strange as he points to crisscrosses of timber and says, “That’s gonna be Death’s Office!”
And I’d turn my head sideways and go, “Uh huh, I see it”
My nose was filled with the intoxicating scent of sawdust. I love snorting sawdust. Makes ya feel like you’re building something. Doing some labor.
Then we finally went to “THE BIG STAGE” where a GIGANTIC set of DARK TOWN was nearly complete.
My mouth dropped to the floor. My God this place was cool. Imagine a boardwalk gone insane. No.... INSANE, I tell you.
What is the general terrain of a Boardwalk? Flat, right? Heh... Not here. The boardwalk was warped and askewed. Peaks and valleys. Forced perspectives of boards getting smaller then Bigger. Very very disconcerting. The idea that this will probably be torn apart just fills me with sorrow. Somewhere this should be preserved. Like... Ya know I have a really big lot in back of my house. And a big jogging track in front of it. This really belongs in one of those two places.
Alright... Here we go. The visual centerpiece for me was this Ferris wheel. The center part of the Ferris wheel that stabalized it was a giant elephant with perhaps 9 trunks extending from it’s nose. Each trunk held a thingamabob that you get in. And the trunks rotate as the wheel turns and it is sooooo cool looking. There were tons of buildings and theaters and hot dog stands... BUT ALL WEIRD. All nightmarish, but these nightmares is the world that us strange and unusual people of the world adore and dream of.
I bet you if Tim Burton visited this set, he’d sit in the middle of it all and begin ripping the arms off of Barbie dolls while singing a happy tune about divorce. In otherwords... it’d be his heaven.
THEN... another set was this Bar. In this Bar all the comatose folks sit and await their fate. This is the Bar with the Minotaur bartender and the anthropormorphic feline waitress played by Rose McGowan (WOWZERS). The bar is in the center and is in the round. The interior of this place is... Well... how do I describe it?
Ok, you know that flourescent colored stuff you can decorate your cheesy acquarium with? There’s usually sparkles and a pitted texture to it. And when you turn on the blacklight it screams tacky. The floor was metal, and the ceiling was a metal grate. And what ya don’t know, is you drive around the bar in a bumpercar, sparks showering from the ceiling, and you drink away your pitiful comatose existence talking with monsters from the id. I tell ya. If everything comes together for this film, this stuff is going to be burned in us geeks’ brains forever.
The effects work is going to be a gigantic mixture of stop-motion, CG, puppetry, drawn animation and make-up... and oh yeah... animatronics.
By now I’m sure they have some of these type of scenes done and man... I’d love a glimpse. I bet it is simply wondrous. Man, I hope this collage of effects processes mesh together as perfectly as they want it to. I’m pulling for em. It’s an ambitious and strange project.
It’s not a safe film, and Fox really should be commended for attempting to bring something as vervy as this to the screen. It’s not aimed directly at kids by no means. This is aimed higher than that, but I can’t imagine kids not being entranced.
All the joking about Sam Hamm aside, he really is one of the nicest guys I’ve met in this industry. Over the years he’s been treated a bit like a welcome mat, and he’s grinned (and frowned) and bared it. And a project like this is the reward you get by sticking to it. By continuing to just hammer away. Eventually, you’re allowed to get the right breaks. I just hope the pieces fall perfectly together.
Proof of Sam’s genius was in giving me no dialogue. Ya see... he recognizes that I’m from the Chaplin and Keaton school of brilliant acting. Words destract from my emoting. heh.
After the tour I had to get from DarkTown to the L.A. Intl Airport inside of 30 minutes. Somehow... by a miracle... it all came together. I’m expecting some cool pics from set soon... till then... this is all.
Oh yeah, from the current issue of TOTAL FILM, comes this picture. That’s Kattan in the red, and Fraser in the black. They are fighting each other from the giant Monkey Bone balloon.
