PITCH BLACK review

Hey folks, Harry here and this is a look at a film that... well... here... Let me tell ya about the deal...

Ok, I went out to Los Angeles to check out the set for THE GRINCH WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS, check out Rick Baker’s make-up.... Talk with Ron Howard... Poke my nose into everything I could find.

Well, luckily I had quite a bit of extra time.... Managed to squeeze alot into a simple 3 days in and out type of thing.

On my first day, a publicist for another film (and another studio with no ties to this film) told me he had seen PITCH BLACK, and that I should contact USA FILMS and get a screening. That... this was my type of film.

Well... Publicists are hardly ever to be trusted, but... there really did seem to be some sincerity in his voice, so I put Moriarty on setting it up. All my studio contact info was back at Geek Headquarters, and someone had cut my communication link with Father Geek. Sigh...

Well, Thursday came along, my last day in Los Angeles... the tail of a magnificent 3 days... only some of which I can go into on the site (some of this was research and development for future cool news) ... But first... First I must talk about PITCH BLACK.

This movie is everything that Moriarty said yesterday. It is that visceral thrill, that dirty little Pandora’s box of coolness waiting to explode. Now... this is a film that has had middle of the road buzz. The ‘industry buzz’ was that it is deadweight. A sinker... a bit of lead.

Yeah, and THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT could only gross a max of $8 million.

The buzz on this FINISHED FILM is so non-existent that the movie, though completed, is set for a March 2000 release date. Good I say... that’s enough time to make sure every friggin geek and fan and movie suave dude and babe reads the writing on this bathroom wall of a site.

PITCH BLACK is not to be missed.

Moments before screening I asked the dear venerable Professor, “Who directed this thing?”

“David 2-E,” he said.

I felt the tappets in my head clack and click, and I pulled up a dossier on David Twohy. He directed THE ARRIVAL... a film starring Charlie Sheen in the 90’s that didn’t entirely suck. In fact I liked more of that movie than I didn’t. It was a fun... middle of the road good sci-fi film... And in recent years it’s the best sort of result we get to the low budget and below radar sci-fi/action/horror film.

THE ARRIVAL, for me, is in the same plane of existence as THE CUBE, PUPPETMASTERS, PI, BRIDE OF CHUCKY, RAVENOUS... etc... These are enjoyable films that some may say suck the shit from the anus of a tape worm, but others can rave about. BUT... these are not THE ROAD WARRIOR, THE THING, THE TERMINATOR... that type of thing.

And... in a way... I suppose, it’s the reason those jewels stand out from the quartz. Because... every so often... You stumble into a theater somewhere in this planet and get sucker punched in the gut. You double over and go.... WHAT THE HELL JUST HIT ME?!?!?!?!

Well the fist that took the air out of me and Moriarty was PITCH BLACK.

Is it THE TERMINATOR? Is it ALIENS? Is it ALIEN? Is it THE ROAD WARRIOR or JOHN CARPENTER’S THE THING?

No.

This is PITCH BLACK. It is also a film that is best if you not know too much about. You don’t want to know that Michael Biehn is John Connor’s father. You don’t want to know that Ripley is the star. Or that the Feral Kid is the narrator. Not because it would ruin the film for ya... but because it’s cooler to not know. To have the film just kick ya in the balls and for it to somehow produce an instant ejaculation.

I remember... the curtain parted and the USA FILMS logo fell upon the screen. It wasn’t a real showy flag. It didn’t wave around nor was it backlit by the sun. It was just a bunch of red and blue wavy lines, with ROMAN font text. When I next see that logo... my hopes will be raised.

Then the film began. A beautiful shot that you’ve seen about a thousand times. The overhead shot of big ship of some sort moving while you crane to a rear shot of it’s fiery engines against the coldness of space. Only... it’s the beauty of what is before this ship that gives you pause. You’ll see.

Then... the hammer hits the firing pin hitting the primer cap which ignites the powder that propels this so-called bit of Hollywood Lead into a furious thrill ride that never lets up till it hits you between the eyes, exiting the back of your skull sucking the brains out after it as it flattens against the blood splattered wall behind you.

But unlike a zombie film... you don’t die... You become one of those reborn zealots that’s hotmail name becomes Riddick-Rocks@hotmail.com. You go from Bulletin Board to newsgroup to website crooning it’s praises.

You begin scribbling fan art, forming your own PITCH BLACK website and talk about that which lies just beyond the boundaries of light.... right there in that deepest darkest bit of night that no widening of your irises can pierce.

As you walk home... take out the trash at night... You hear something and turn to look at the dark.... You can’t see what’s there... you hear the sound... but you can not see it.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MOVIE ABOUT HARRY?”

Alright... I can feel you getting a bit aggravated. But I’m only going into this in vaguities. At the films core it’s a desert island picture with a really really mean island. In the thirties and forties it’d be cannibals or Kong. Here... It’s meaner.

The film has a classic blueprint pattern to it, though it strays FAR from the original engineer’s lines and hashes. It’s a Crichton formula, though much leaner and mean than any of his films. Like PREDATOR... there is a seldom seen thing, but even we don’t get much of a look.

You see the film, THEY WERE EXPENDABLE? It’s a bit like that. Or... No... It’s alot like FIVE CAME BACK from 1939. An excellent tense film that never ever lets up for air. THOUGH... For you. For the Sci-Fi/Action/Horror film geek... this film kicks ass! Like FIVE CAME BACK it stars a bunch of people that most people didn’t know at the time. FCB starred Lucille Ball (waaaaaaay before she was famous), John Carradine, Patric Knowles and a few others.

Radha Mitchell... the female lead in PITCH BLACK is... babicious... complicated... driven... feminine.... intelligent.... and is not the damsel in distress... but isn’t a male character with tits. She is dead on in this film.

Keith David is one of my ‘lucky charms’ in cool films. I always love him in movies. No matter if he’s on screen for a blink of an eye... or it’s just his voice. But here... he plays a Muslim character with several children. Keith is not over-acting in this film. He’s a man of faith, not like Keitel in FROM DUSK TIL DAWN, but just a believer. Though on an arid dusty planet without a thought of water, Allah does not permit the fine wines of another character.

And it is that type of element. Necessity that drives the film. What do you need to survive... how can you get it.

Imagine if in ALIENS.... if they didn’t have a remote drop ship... or... better yet, they just didn’t have BISHOP... or.... a miraculous sealed up tube that would protect you en route to the promised land. Imagine if Ripley, Hudson, Vasquez, Newt, Hicks and Gorman had to walk from point A to point B. No weapons... no tank or impenetrable armor... “Lo while I walk through the valley of death...” and they definitely fear the evil. Unlike ALIENS... these characters are not trained for action. They do not have an endless supply of weapons and armaments and doodads. They are up shitcreek with monsters with no paddle or high tech weaponry.

This is the film that you leave... not only referencing the jewels up above... But names like Val Lewton and Jacques Tourneur.... Scenes like Marion clutching a dying torch as thousands of deadly snakes twist and curl about her very feet.

It’s the type of film that afterwards you are lowering your voice and repeating key lines of dialogue that come out of Vin Diesel. Now I know... he has a reputation for being an asshole or a prima donna... I don’t give a shit. So did Richard Burton, did that stop you from watching his best films? I don’t care who Vin is in the real world, because quite frankly... Riddick is a cinema god. He does things only movie gods do. And when he does it... your shoulders ache... your fingernails get dirty... you begin to feel mean... like you could kick the shit out of whatever is in the darkness.

After about 35 minutes of this asswhuppin... Moriarty turns to me and says, “What the fuck got into Twohy?”

I don’t know. Sometimes it’s amazing what happens when you aren’t working with Charlie Sheen. Every flaw of THE ARRIVAL... is not here. He listened to his reviews... Studied the history of badass films, and decided our collective cinematic cracks needed pounding. And didn’t cast Mr Charles Sheen.

And those things out there in the dark... think Wayne Barlowe... He might not be in the credits... but I can see the inspiration that Tatapoulos drew the things in the dark from.

This is that type of film you get physically active and vocal in. Hopefully... if USA FILMS lets me... I want to show this film to about 350 movie fans.... And I’ll run each and everyone of their reviews. This film is nitro and it will blow your mind.

If you want a peek at what lays in the darkness by the millions, CLICK HERE!!!