THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH review

I’m probably going to take some shit for this, but frankly... I didn’t really care that much for THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH.

This is going to be a review with some spoilers and plot points because... well I need to discuss them to get right into why I didn’t care too much for the film.

First off... The opening action sequence is just fantastic. It’s longer than usual, but it’s really something. It does everything that a Bond action sequence is supposed to. It goes a billion miles an hour faster than it’s supposed to. The gimmick stuff is cool as hell. The ridiculous, no human could do that, stuff rocks. It’s propulsive. Kills lots of people, wrecks lots of property, sexist remarks and it gets your blood pumping.

It’s a shame that it never gets any better.

This is the ‘SAVING PRIVATE RYAN-Syndrome’ as a friend of mine calls it. For me, it’s ‘Rocketeer-Syndrome’. Whatever you call it, it’s that case where the single most thrilling action bit is your first one. In SPR, it’s that dang amazing Normandy invasion. In Rocketeer, it’s that first time we see our hero strapping into the rocketpack to save his biplane clown buddy.

Remember, RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK? Of course you do, who do I think I’m writing to? Sheesh. Well, that opening scene held the possible danger of being... THE BEST THING IN THE MOVIE. But... Due to the brilliance of all involved in that movie, each action scene increased... pushed the throttle in a little further, till you have that brilliant ‘trucks scene’. And for the ending... well... It’s the Wrath Of Friggin GOD!!!

Alright.... ok, I hear ya.... That’s the Indiana Jones formula.... not BOND.

Wrong.

GOLDFINGER.... Really great opening... continual build ups.... Gigantic FORT KNOX ending.

THUNDERBALL... Great opening.... Continual Build Ups.... Gigantic Underwater Battle!

YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE... Bond friggin DIES in the opening... It gets more dangerous.... and then we have a gigantic battle in the center of a dead Volcano with Rockets blasting off etc...

I could go on and on.... and on...

But let’s take a look at the modern BOND film. Apparently, Bond never stays in contact with ANYONE! Gone are all his emergency beacons in the heel of his shoes. He never forms strategic alliances with anyone. Now he’s just horny and points guns and shoots and adds little quips.

Don’t get me wrong... THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH is an ok action film, but for me.... In my opinion it’s a piss poor Bond movie.

Brosnan is trying way too hard to make Bond emotional.... He stands there shaking like a school boy flustered by the brat. Why did Bond wait 2 seconds to just not blow Robert Carlyle away? His mission was to protect Elektra and find Renard, and finish the job that his prior 00-agent didn’t finish.

Renard could have the SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE, but Bond is supposed to kill him... period. Those guys in the background... those are bad guy Red Shirts.... Bond knows that. You cut off Renard’s head, they lose their nerve.... or..... you just fucking kill them.

Alright, convenient plot point... Movie would have been too short at that point to kill Renard. Perhaps his shoulder was merely spasming. Whatever...

Bond hesitating to kill a broad he banged? I’m sorry, soon as he knew what she was up to, she’s dead weight in his mind. Bond is ruthless. This isn’t Doc Savage... he’s not going to perform a lobotomy on her to ‘fix’ her. This is JAMES BOND, LICENSE TO KILL.

Alright... Then... let’s look at Renard... He’s great. I love his character, his back story... what he’s capable of, his angst about living with out sensations... It’s a great character. They didn’t turn him into a cartoon super-villain. Michael Apted did a great job with Robert Carlyle, who let’s face it... is just one of the coolest actors on the planet today... BUT... He’s just not in it enough. It would be like giving Goldfinger, Oddjob’s screentime.

Both Sophie Marceau and Denise Richards friggin suck the big one in this movie. Sophie’s “I’m so fuckable and adorable no man could kill me, I’m the most fabulous object in the universe and on top of that I’ll cut my right earlobe off, just so I have a zen-esque flaw to my perfect beauty” character just made me want to retch.

Sean Connery’s Bond would have fucked her, and killed her the second he felt she turned.... and he never would have trusted her.

George Lazenby’s Bond would have fucked her, and killed her by ripping out her throat while in the chair.

Roger Moore’s Bond would have fucked her, noticed that the parachute dudes were never firing at her, then pushed her off the cliff.... while saying something like, “Bottoms up”

Timothy Dalton’s Bond would have slapped her silly, fucked her and would have left her crying for more.

Where the hell did Bond develop this, sap? He ain’t no tree! This isn’t Diana Rigg, this is some self-important high society twit with a severe lack of fire and adventure... the two elements that Bond is most attracted to.

Ok... Now Denise ‘Rocket Scientist’ Richards.

First off I’m not going to make fun of her being a Nuclear Physicist. My problem is this.... SHE IS A TERRIBLE ACTRESS! The great Bond women of all time were not BIMBO VACANT EYED WET DREAMS. They were sex kittens as deadly as Bond.

Bond doesn’t need some chick to defuse a Nuclear Bomb... He’s done this BEFORE! He’s trained for this type of thing... and if he isn’t he sure as hell will simply whip out his knife... be in a state of panic whilst trying to figure out which wire to cut, and it will... inevitably be when the counter (there’s always a counter) reaches 0:07. Or... if it says 0:06, Bond could always say, “Damn... Missed it,” and smile.

Another thing that really pisses me off about the modern Bond movie is the total lack of indigenous cultures. I miss the Bond that would get captured by the rebels, only to realize that the rebels in this region are actually the good guys... He’d train with them... screw a couple of their babes... then launch the gigantic attack at the end.

Now I know, this sounds like I’m crying for the old formula... BUT FOLKS.... That formula hasn’t been done right since Connery left. Right now... for the last TWENTY YEARS... the Bond franchise has been suffering from STAR TREK SYNDROME.

A scaling back of the action scenes... Tired self-caricature... and actors that seem to be bored with the work they are doing. Pierce looked a bit bored in this Bond.

Remember in LAST CRUSADE, when Indy and the hot Nazi babe are in the sewers... there’s the drawing of the Ark on the wall, the little bit of dialogue there to confirm that... yes.... This character is the same character from the previous movies?

Well.... Other than Q, there seems to be no memory to the franchise. Remember that scene in, I believe it’s ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE, where Lazenby is looking at past momentos of the previous films and there is a touch of the themes from each?

The Brosnan Bond has no memory, no history... When he’s asked if he’s ever lost someone he loves... You can tell he doesn’t remember Diana Rigg. Ok... he’s hiding his emotions from her... let him hug her, but let’s see his eyes and hear an echo of ‘We’ve got alllllll.... the tiiiiiime.... in the worrrrllllld’ in the soundtrack. Just a touch... Not a sledgehammer of it. Just a bit.

Also, when Bond goes to all these different areas now... there never seems to be any undercover spies already there for him to hook up with.

When Bond realizes that the 4 other pipelines are going to be blown up... He should split up with the blow-up spunk toy, sending her off to contact “THE FOLLOWING NAMES AND NUMBERS”

One: This gets rid of Denise Richards, who even in a wet t-shirt... they manage to de-nipple-fy her.... is just lame.

Two: Heightens the tension of whether or not the cavalry will ever come. They will, but only at the last possible moment.

Three: It allows Bond to not have to play wet-nurse to a mannequin.

Also... hasn’t Bond been to Istanbul before? Bond knows a lot of people. Couldn’t he just hook up with some folks... Get some insulation.

Having the end fight take place in a tiny cramped space, with nearly no extras... no impossible odds...

As for BOND having the sub dive instead of surface when what he wanted to have happen was to be surfacing... Excuse me... but isn’t Bond a NAVAL type of guy? Huh?

This is an ‘OK’ Bond movie. One of those... that works and doesn’t work. Carlyle and M and Cleese and Q and even Brosnan are all good enough to make it entertaining in the way the lessor Bonds are always entertaining.

Hell... I’ll even buy the bastard on DVD when it comes out. BUT DAMMIT!!!

These movies can be a whole helluvalot cooler than they are being. Yeah... I know... I’m being overly sensitive to this, but I friggin am a HUGE BOND GEEK and both Bond and Brosnan deserve better scenarios... direction and co-stars.

Get someone like Michelle Pfieffer to put opposite Bond. Brosnan has stated that he wants to make an R rated Bond... that he wants to step it up. That he eventually wants to die on camera as Bond.

However, I get the idea that the Broccoli family and MGM are playing it safe. Let’s face it, MGM is in a world of shit in terms of film production. Any studio that can cut a bad trailer with jarringly bad music for a film that has the beautiful look that SUPERNOVA has (I’m not arguing that it’s a good movie, only that it has some beautiful shots in it against a terrible rock track) some major issues to deal with.

I wish BOND was with another studio.... with Brosnan attached. As it is, this movie was not enough for me.