Hey, everyone...
"Moriarty" here.
After an afternoon spent writing, Harry and I went back to the Paris for the Miramax evening. I must confess, there was a certain amount of hesitation on my part. Miramax had a press book prepared for the AFM a couple of weeks ago that Harry and I had discussed that was, to say the least, uninspiring. Miramax used to be a company that I was excited by, that I respected the hell out of, and they still occasionally release things like PRINCESS MONONOKE or THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY from time to time. The old Miramax wasn't driven primarily by teen comedies and low-budget SF and horror films. The old Miramax would never have dumped DOGMA. Instead, they went to festivals and aggressively bought small films they knew how to market to maximum effect. The old Miramax wouldn't have overpaid for HAPPY, TEXAS only to dump it half-heartedly on the market. Instead, they would have grabbed up THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and pumped it up to even higher grosses than Artisan managed.
We were ushered into Le Theatre Des Arts, the place where The Paris presents their giant Notre Dame stage spectacle each night. It's a lovely hall, cavernous and ornate, and it's the same place we're seeing WHERE THE HEART IS on Wednesday night. Miramax filled the place, then brought up Mark Gill and another exec who proceeded to limp through the most uncomfortable shtick I can imagine. It was a nice reminder of why these guys are suits and not stars.
As soon as the lights went out, the mediocrity kicked into high gear. Let's try and make this as quick and painless as possible:
EAST IS EAST
Om Puri stars as the father of a Pakistani family in London dealing with arranged marriage, the generation gap, and the painful shadow of predjudice. This is old-style Miramax, and it looks like they know what they're doing with it. The trailer is funny, even oddly touching. I hope it's a good film, and I'll certainly give it a chance when it's released.
HARRY NOTE: I've seen this entire film. It's very good and a winner from the get go. It Should be checked out.
SCARY MOVIE
Explain this to me. SCREAM was a parody of the genre already. This film is like humping a dead horse, like making a parody of AIRPLANE! There's no return in it. I sat there, stone, not laughing or even smiling as it scanned by. I can't imagine a world in which this thing fleeces more than $30 million out of the public. More importantly, I don't want to.
HARRY NOTE: Contrary to Moriarty, in my opinion this film... whether it's good or not will still make $20+ million opening weekend alone simply because... this trailer was funny as hell and had the auditorium laughing. After the whole slew of Teenage Slasher films in this post-modern self-referential world... well... it's time for a take off like this. The audience reacted very well to the trailer... and I know I'll see this one with friends. Interesting side note. SCARY MOVIE was the original title for SCREAM before they changed it. Additional interesting side note... There was a fun little Austin horror film titled SCARY MOVIE with that guy behind the counter at the beginning of FROM DUSK TILL DAWN as the star. Ya might wanna check it out sometime.
HAMLET
Here's a bright spot on the schedule, Michael Almareyda's original language modern-day update of the classic play. Set around the Denmark Corporation in New York, the film boasts an eclectic cast that you just get glimpses of: Kyle McLachlan, Diane Verona, Sam Shepherd, Ethan Hawke, Julia Stiles. If for nothing else, I'd go see this film just to witness Bill Murray's Polonius. "To thine own self be true," indeed.
HARRY NOTE: It just didn't do anything for me. Blah.
BOYS AND GIRLS
Very few phrases have ever made my blood run as cold as "From the director of SHE'S ALL THAT." Is that really a selling point? Without being remotely sarcastic, can anyone out there even remember who the director of SHE'S ALL THAT was? No peeking at the IMDb, either. This is Miramax's big summer movie, a June release, starring Freddie Prinze Jr., Jason Biggs (playing the same character as in the LOSER trailer, but in a supporting slot), and Claire Forlani, and it looks anonymous, dreadful. There's at least 36 big dance scenes, and watching Prinze try to play a brain is just painful.
HARRY NOTE: P.O.S. D.O.A. P.U.K.E.
LOVE'S LABOUR'S LOST
You want to get my attention? "Stanley Donen and Martin Scorsese present" is a damn fine way to start. This is Kenneth Branagh's musical version of the Shakespeare original, and it's a bright, engaging trailer full of classic Hollywood iconography. The cast looks like they're having incredible fun. I would love for this to just be an energetic little lark like his MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING. Let's hope for the best. It would truly suck to have the last musical with Donen's name attached be anything less than triumphant.
HARRY NOTE: Magical and whimsical.. the film has the right texture and look of a classic musical. We'll have to wait and see, but man.. this has Astaire and Rogers style numbers... Busby Berekley numbers... Stanley Donen/Gene Kelly styled numbers. The secret art direction of technicolor musicals.. which was to have a drab world spotted with technicolor beauties dressed in magical dresses and clothes that lept from the screen. That is the case here! Very much looking forward to it.
HUMAN TRAFFIC
You a big TRAINSPOTTING fan? Me, too, and so are the makers of this film judging from what we saw. The trailer emphasizes a SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL-esque romantic storyline about friends who should be together but aren't against the background of the drug-soaked London club scene. Could be interesting. Could be miserable. Tough to tell.
HARRY NOTE: Talked to some theater owners in England that say the word over there is very lackluster on this LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELLS wannabe. The trailer instantly created a headache.
IMPOSTOR
Why is it that everytime someone makes a film from a Philip K. Dick story or novel, they tone down the brains and beef up the explosions? Gary Sinise, who seems to be contractually obligated to appear in every single movie released this year, plays a scientist who must prove his humanity after he is accused of being an alien android. Vincent D'Onofrio, who's evidently decided to do only lame SF films for the rest of his life, is glimpsed a few times, as is Madeline Stowe. This started as a short film, one part of the proposed ALIEN LOVE TRIANGLE anthology, so I'm sure there's a romance in there somewhere. You sure wouldn't know it from this noisy, ugly little clip, though.
HARRY NOTE: This trailer looked... not particularly good. I'll pray for it, but it had that sleeping with the fishes feel.
TEXAS RANGERS
Oh my god. This thing made me laugh out loud at the sheer ridiculousness of the entire affair. I've got nothing against James Van Der Beek. I haven't seen enough of his work to have something against him. I can say that he made me laugh here with his over-earnest attitude and his attempts at being a tough guy, and I'm fairly sure that wasn't the intent. By the way, what's the deal with the crappy rock music throughout the trailer? Hello... McFly... it's a Western. At least pretend you know it's a period film.
HARRY NOTE: The trailer looked god awful. I felt embarrassed just sitting there watching this atrocious P.O.S. I love the TEXAS RANGERS... the Teddy Roosevelt guys, not the baseball team.... but this just looks like YOUNG GUNS but real bad. Ugh.
BIRTHDAY GIRL
Man, I'm in love with Nicole Kidman. How could anyone not be? She changes looks completely from film to film, but she's always a stunner. Here she's playing a Russian mail order bride who supposedly knows only one word... "party." Her new American husband Ben Chaplin (not Ben Stiller as reported by literally every other media outlet who has mentioned the movie so far) seems happy with his sexy new honey at first, and the trailer starts steamy. It looks like it takes a SOMETHING WILD style turn, though, with Russian guys showing up from her past, with violence and bank jobs and other mayhem to follow. Even with all these elements, it felt dull, limp, and never really grabbed me.
HARRY NOTE: This one looked good. It's as Moriarty describes it. I would like to order my very own Nicole Kidman mail-order bride. That sounds like a really good idea. Yeah... But will it be as good as NAKED JUNGLE? We'll see...
ABOUT ADAM
Speaking of limp... here's a kinky sex romp starring Stuart Townsend as a guy who's sleeping with a whole family of sisters including Kate Hudson. They decide to catch him in the act, but I don't really get what the point is if they all know he's doing it. There's a sort of smarmy THREE'S COMPANY vibe to the trailer, with all sorts of narrow escapes and indiscretions. Maybe there's someone out there who is the target market for this sort of thing. It's just not me.
HARRY NOTE: P.O.S. Embarrassingly bad.
HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME
There can be only one... or two. I have no clue what the story for this will be like, but the trailer's got some hot swordplay and an affable cheesy charm. Between Christopher Lambert and Adrian Paul, there's almost enough charisma for one whole person. This is a franchise that's been wildly off the tracks since the first sequel. It'll be a minor miracle if that doesn't hold true this time out as well.
HARRY NOTE: I have to say I liked this trailer. If nothing else, because it seemed to be getting back to the swordmanship, and not just the mysticism alien malarky. Adrian Paul looked sharp on the big screen, and his tv fans should be happy with this. We'll see.
THE YARDS
Like with New Line, there's trailers making their second annual appearance here. I'm still interested in James Gray's story of a crooked New York family headed by James Caan at maximum creep. Joaquin Phoenix and Mark Wahlberg both look charismatic here, and the material's intriguing. Still, they've been playing hide-and-seek with the film for a year. That doesn't exactly inspire confidence.
HARRY NOTE: Looked pretty damn good. I'll see this one for sure.
BOUNCE What a deceptive ad. They make it look like this whole film revolves around a secret, a la CRYING GAME. In a way, that's half-true. There's something Ben Affleck's character can't tell Gwenyth Paltrow during the majority of the film, but the audience is in on it from frame one. Maybe it's too sad and painful for this happy, sappy trailer, but guess what? That's the movie. I really thought this was a smart, poignant story on the page, and I hope Don (THE OPPOSITE OF SEX) Roos pulls it off. One question: who's the moron who insisted on putting the last shot of the film in the trailer?
HARRY NOTE: Booooorrrring....
After the product reel, we were escorted from the theater to the Grand Ballroom, where Miramax fed us great food and tons of free drinks. If only they'd spent as much time and energy on the slate for next year as they did on that party. The company appears to be lost at sea, and it's really sort of sad. Anyway, I'm going to hop over and add some comment to Harry's Sony piece now before we run out to see a movie. Until then...
