Rumor has it that... _______ has been cast as Spider-Man

Hey folks, Harry here with a wild rumor that comes from a usually reliable source, but who... is skeptical about this herself. You see, Junior Mintz has heard that JUDE LAW has nailed down the part of Peter Parker/Spider-Man in a small independent movie called SPIDER-MAN that.... I believe has a moderate sized distributor called... Ummm... Sony, I believe. Hmmmm... that's funny, ain't ever heard of them before. What do I think of JUDE LAW? Well, I think he's a bit handsome for the part, but I'm sure they can dork him out appropriately, he's a great actor. Has loads of talent. He'll need to get rid of that Ripley Tan of his if this is true. Put this one in the coffers as... 60% probable. I'm working up the confirmation as you read this to get the other 40%.