Given that I have no working knowledge of the active crapfest known as SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (aka Moriarty TV), I feel inadequate to give a proper introduction for this test screening of this alleged comedy. I will give you the prerequisite warning though. This was a test screening. This is where the filmmakers find out if what they were doing was funny or not. The Test Screening process is instrumental in making a superior comedy. You can see what bits are working and aren't working for the audience. From the sound of this review, they might have to begin reshooting from a new script, but hey... who knows what will happen to this film. Though I certainly wish them success in turning straw to gold....

Hello Harry. This is my first ever spy report. Call me Gustav Mahler. I'm sure no one is exactly waiting for this movie with baited breath, but I figured there was no harm in sending you my opinion of this, the latest nugget of shit produced by the Saturday Night Live crap factory.

First off, let me ask...what in God's Name is wrong with Lorne Michaels? Why does he keep making these awful SNL spinoff movies? Do any of them actually make any money? What was the final box office take for It's Pat? How about Stuart Saves His Family? Coneheads? Did Superstar even crack the mystical $1 million plateau? If I was a Paramount exec and I saw Lorne Michaels walking towards my desk with a script in his hands, I wouldn't hesitate to push the trap door button and send him plummeting to his watery doom.

Well, it's really not fair to pick on a guy when he's down (and is anyone more miserably low in the etertainment business that Lorne Michaels?), so I'll move right along to the review.

The Ladies Man sucks. It is considerably worse that Battlefield: Earth, and we all know that's saying a lot. It is worse than Branagh's Frankenstein, worse than its ill fated cousin the Coneheads movie, and much worse than that 70s King Kong remake. Remember that movie In the Army Now, where Pauly Shore joins the army and wackiness ensues? How about the movie BAPS, the horribly racist comedy where two black female stereotypes snap there way through a series of comedic misadventures? Add the suck factor of those two movies. Now, take that number and multiply it by the awfulness of that movie where Leslie Nielsen plays a funny vampire. Now take that number and square it. My friends, The Ladies Man is worse than that. Worse than all of them. The only thing I can equate it to is the time when I was cooking spaghetti and I accidentally spilled a half gallon of boiling water all over my arm.

In case you are unfamiliar with the, ahem, comedy skit on which this movie is based....in stars Tim Meadows as a smooth talking retro-70s "love doctor" who gives people really bad romantic advice. He enjoys telling people to "do it up the butt." .......dont wait for more, that's the joke. Tim Meadows says "do it up the butt," and all the cretins in the audience laugh (most of them pudgy 12 year old boys, rolling in their seats with pig-like laughter, only pausing to cram another handful of artery clogging popcorn into their fat, filthy faces). He says it several times in fact. I think a dozen. And that my friends, is actually as good as it gets. As is typical with these SNL movies, Ladies Man uses up all its bullets in the first ten minutes, so once we hear "do it up the butt" and "blame it on the wang" a few times, the rest of the movie must resort to the lowest common denominator - grossout techniques. This movie actually has a ten minute build up to a poop joke. That's right. It has to be the longest buildup to a poop joke in the history of film . You sit there and watch this whole revolting sequence, and the payoff is that some guy eats a pice of shit. Brilliant.

Just when you think things can't get any worse, they do....for I have yet to tell you that Will Farrell (sp?) has a prominent role in this movie. He plays an olympic wrestler who is a closet homosexual. Oh stop, please. Get it see, because he's a wrestler, so he rolls around with other men, so he must be gay. Great stuff, Lorne. Great. I know I'm picking on Lorne a lot, but that's only because I have no idea who wrote or directed this masterpiece. There were no titles and no credits, and frankly I didn't bother to ask. I'm sure Alan Smithee will be the name on the final print.

Oh yes, and lest I forget. Lorne Michaels must have secret footage of Julian Moore smoking crack or getting a golden shower from a male stripper, because for some unfathomable reason she decided to take her first step towards career ruination and make a cameo in this movie as a sex starved slut (Every woman in this movie is a sex starved slut or an idiot). Billy Dee Williams and Tiffany Amber Thiessen (who plays a sex starved slut) also have small roles, but they really don't have careers to ruin in the first place.

I am very proud to be one of the people to spearhead the negative buzz campaign for this movie. Spread the word near and far, Harry: The Ladies Man is terrible. I wonder if Lorne Michaels will blame this colossal failure on his "wang."

-Gustav Mahler