You know what? I really do hate it when I’m all jazzed for a big action summer spectacular, and end up with about an hour and ten minutes of snore time, to suddenly be woke up by loud explosions and Lalo Schifrin music that’s been bastardized into a hip/Bon Jovi-esque retread.... that is suddenly propelling the movie that I thought I was going to see.
Hey folks, Harry here and I just got back from MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 2. I went into this one wanting it to make me think.... “Joe Hallenbeck is an Idiot!” Why? Well, Joe also seems to be under the delusion that GLADIATOR was not a good movie, so there is a history of insanity in the man’s life. ALSO, Moriarty didn’t like the script to MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 2, which was another feather in the cap of the film... cause Moriarty also didn’t like ARMAGEDDON, THE ROCK, INDEPENDENCE DAY, etc... movies that were just fun goofy films. Good summer popcorn flicks.
The first two/thirds of MI2 are a snooze fest, shot dreamily by John Woo and his DP. But unlike Woo’s flicks: FACE/OFF, HARD BOILED, BULLET IN THE HEAD, THE KILLER and the A BETTER TOMORROW series.... This film is closer to the past work of his DP, Jeffrey Kimball: STIGMATA, WILD THINGS, THE SPECIALIST, CURLY SUE and REVENGE.... while deftly steering clear of his better work like TOP GUN and TRUE ROMANCE.
This film reminded me of THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH and GOLDENEYE in it’s lack of coherent or compelling plot and character. The sheer enormity of it’s blasé dentist waiting room pacing.
Let me give you an example.
Thandie Newton’s character is a thief that had a prior relationship with Dougray Scott’s character who was in turn a former IMF agent.
Why is Thandie Newton a thief? Why did she have a relationship with Scott’s character to begin with? Why did they break up? Where is Thandie’s character from? Why does she like going to bed with IMF secret agents? How did she meet Dougray Scott’s character? How did she get out of jail? If she’s an international thief that has never been caught, how does she have a record? Being a thief and a bad girl, how come she is played as being a complete innocent that never ever does anything even remotely bad?
Alright, now let’s look at Dougray Scott’s character. Why did he leave IMF? What was his specialty at IMF? Do IMF agents commonly make it a habit of disguising themselves under orders of the IMF to look like other IMF agents? If IMF didn’t know what this Chimera thing was, then how did Dougray Scott mystically gain the knowledge of what this was and why did it all seem like it had been planned for months when it allegedly was an emergency mission? What is Dougray’s character’s prior association with Ethan Hunt? Does he hold any grudges? Were they friends? Did IMF fuck him over? What turned him into being a bad guy? Greed? What?
Alright... SO... for this big ass mission where the whole world is in danger, Ethan is allowed to only have two additional agents, both of whom have no real field skills. One is basically just a helicopter pilot, and the other is basically just a computer geek. He’s forced to take onto the team, an unknown quantity that is a known internationally wanted criminal that has a prior relation with the alleged man responsible for a couple of hundred deaths. Wait a second. This really sounds like a half-assed planned IMF mission.
They identify the known players in this big scheme, but do no background checks, exploit no weaknesses and coordinate no Stings.
We’re dealing with a virus that can destroy the world’s population. As soon as Ethan and his fun bunch learn that Dork Boy doesn’t even have the virus... HOW COME THEY DON’T CALL IN THE MARINES? I mean, are you telling me that they would play this all quiet and nicey nicey? This is a matter of millions and millions of lives. Where’s swat? Where are the local authorities? Where’s backup?
How in a MISSION IMPOSSIBLE movie can the movements of the bad guys take place without their knowledge? You mean they completely leave the bad guys under no watch while they are taking on another part of the mission? Uh uh... I don’t buy it.
This was an incredibly sloppily written film. No character development for anyone anywhere. For the vast majority of the film it is tedious to an extreme. As a matter of fact, the bad guy has better working knowledge of Ethan Hunt, than Ethan exhibits of him.
There is one theme in the film that I felt was... well ridiculous. And that’s the.... Everyone wants to be Ethan Hunt plotline.
You see, it seems that they had this piss poor screenplay that they couldn’t really attract A-list talent with, but it was a project that Paramount and Cruise wanted to rush into existence as a Summer HomeRun. Well, they couldn’t get well known people so they hired Mr EVER AFTER and Brendan Gleeson (who I find to be an extremely great actor when given a part that requires more than just standing around staring at people). SO what do you do when those are the two big stars opposite the table from Tom Cruise? Well, put a Tom Cruise mask and the mystical make my voice and accent go away to sound just like that of Ethan Hunt’s. These mystical masks have the ability to not only be INSTANTLY applied. Not only seem to conform to anybody’s features.... But they seem to come with instant contact lenses as well as Sweat and Blood features. Now, I could let this pass if there was say a science fiction excuse... some sort of Holo-face generator mask thingamagig... but there isn’t some sort of bullshit sci-fi excuse. It’s just a Magical Instant Foam Rubber/Latex Appliance with the best damn hairplugs you ever did see.
So whoa.... During one pathetic ‘is this a’ love scene, I was almost hoping that Thandie would pull her face off to reveal it was Tom kissing Tom.
Remember STAR TREK 5 (also from Paramount?) Remember how in the opening of that film, Captain Kirk is climbing the rock face of a cliff for no reason other than to show what a macho macho man he was? How the scene did nothing to advance the characters. How the scene was there to merely stroke the ego of the actor in it? To establish how wonderfully fit he is?
How about an opening that showed Cruise and Scott on an early Impossible Mission when Jon Voight was still a good guy, where Dougray was forced to be left behind. When suddenly IMF disavows all knowledge of him and leaves him out to dry? How about hinting at a friendship? Giving us any shade of grey to these characters. Making Cruise sympathetic to his fellow IMF-er.
How about anything to advance the characters, give pathos to the hero or the bad guy. Where is the bond between ANYONE in this movie?
Where is the teamwork in the film? I mean... the aussie IMF-er seems to be a cab service, and Ving seems to be the telephone operator type. Hell, they aren’t even as cool as B.A. and Murdoch.
Anthony Hopkins? Ok... he’s a God. His scenes bulge with intense line delivery.... BUT he’s in the film less than it takes you to read this review. He’s great. He’s like that bit of Sirloin amidst the tofu.
Now... is this film a complete load of shit?
Oh god no. No, this is just a mediocre film, that happens to have around 30 to 45 minutes of incredible JOHN WOO absurd/genius/magical action at the end of the nap. Is it worth going to the theater to suffer through a mediocre film for this end orgy? Yeah. It is.
However, if you are reading this review... you are probably at work right now. There really is NO NEED for you to go see the film after work, and pay full theater prices. I recommend, holding off. Wait till you are off on Saturday, catch a matinee. See it by yourself or with your film buddy. But if you want to see a real good film at night with your date.... Go see SHANGHAI NOON. It’s a far better piece of entertainment than MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 2.
As for my review of SHANGHAI NOON.... I’m working on it. But it is easily far more fun and thrilling. MI2 wants to be that big E-ticket ride, it has the long boring wait part down, and it has the flashy ride at the end. But afterwards you kinda look at your watch and say, “That’s it?” Yup... that’s it.
ADDED PIECE: I just read the first talkbacker below, who states why he will love this film.
I reallly loved "A better tomorrow 2" and that story really sucked. The action in the movie make it worth watching. I believe the same equation applies to this movie. Wrong?
