Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
"SERPENTINE! SERPENTINE!"
Oh, god, don't you wish you could shout a warning at a favorite film when they announce a bound-to-be-shitty remake?
"You need to wait and see what they're blah blah blahbitty bah." Don't even start that crap with me. Why would anyone need a remake of THE IN-LAWS? It's one of the few truly great spots on Arthur Hiller's resume as a director, and it may well be Andrew Bergman's best script. It was a recent movie, too... 1979. Alan Arkin. Peter Falk. These are funny men. The movie, which I see every six months or so thanks to the miracle of pay cable, is solid. It holds up. It's still fresh and funny.
So what the hell is this all about? Why is Michael Fleming trying to scare me with such evil words?
"Warner Bros. is in talks with Donald Petrie to direct TILL DEATH DO US PART, an update of the 1979 comedy THE IN-LAWS. WB has high hopes it can lock in Michael Douglas and Billy Crystal to play a mismatched pair whose kids are marrying, and who get in trouble in foreign locales. The real cliffhanger, of course, is whether that is feasible before the possible WGA/SAG strikes next summer. The original comedy was scripted by Andrew Bergman and directed by Arthur Hiller, and paired a dentist and CIA agent in South America. The new script was written by Nat Mauldin, whose credits include DR. DOLITTLE and THE PREACHER'S WIFE."
No, Mr. Fleming, I'd respectfully submit that the real cliffhanger here is whether Warner Bros. comes to their bloody senses before someone lets this turd loose in the pool. They're on a roll over there this week. Has strike fever driven everyone in town completely freakin' mad? Or is it just on the Burbank lot that everyone's gone totally mental? Between this and the SCOOBY-DOO crap, I think it's about time we rounded up some angry villagers and some torches!! It's always seemed such a reasonable solution to all life's problems.
All kidding aside, I am astonished at how the cycle of remakes seems to be getting tighter and tighter. This is a 21 year old movie. STAR WARS is older than this film. JAWS is older than this film. Are those movies up for remake now, too? Are we cannibalizing ourselves faster than ever before? This is disheartening news, especially with such lackluster talent attached. Hasn't anyone else seen that bloody MISS CONGENIALITY trailer yet? You think that director's going to make a better film than the original IN-LAWS? The guy who gave us MY FAVORITE MARTIAN and RICHIE RICH?
Damn it, Lorenzo... have a heart. If not, then at least pretend you have a conscience. Stop. Please... stop.
"Moriarty" out.
