Hey folks, Harry here... San Diego was the recent abode for a SCARY MOVIE 2 screening... The film seems to be a bit of a hit and miss trip right now, but... This is very early in the testing process... and comedies... specifically 'gag' comedies are extremely aided by the testing process to find the duds and the gasp out loud funny as hell moments... and to then edit out the duds or figure out something better to put in there. Comedy is all in the timing and this screening has a lot to do with working that timing out... But for now... here's how the film played out.... Beware of Spoilers...
Dear Harry:
Tonight, Miss Joan Benater and Pat Jett were in the house, the Haunted Scary and Wonderful House of the TEST SCREENING! Ooooh Scary, I must say..SCARY MOVIE 2, that is.....First off, the whole process of sneaking into a Test Screening is Nerve Racking...Oh Shit, especially when the suits look at you directly in the eye and ask you if you ever get on the Internet and read or post reviews..."Oh No" Miss Benater replied " I don't even own a computer, I am still living down in the prarie with Laura Ingalls and folk" Me, Queen Jett just shrugged "No I am florist" Hee Hee....
In what had to be the most diverse audience since Save the Last Dance on opening night, I sat quietly down in the middle row with Miss Benater and anticipated sheer moments of PURE RAUNCH, GROSS OUT HUMOR, and More Shenanigans from the same people who brought us the original Scary Movie. We were then told, this is a video print, temp track, yada yada start the fucking movie already!! We see the infamous Dimension Film logo...for some reason I always expect a phone to ring and hear Drew's cute voice say hello everytime I see that logo.
Then all of a sudden we are thrusted into a scene with a bunch of older folks singing around a piano......Great, I thought to myself, Here comes the wicked opening scene...Then all of a sudden something really hysterical happens around the piano ( I am not going to spoil it for you ), Then Bam out of nowhere appears Natasha Lyonne in a nightgown all done up looking like Linda Blair, she walks over to her mom and friends at the piano and I Immediately pysched myself for a Scary Movie Skewering of The Exorcist...Natasha Lyonne who plays Jasonia Voorhees aka Regan, stands there legs spread... and if you guys all remember the piano scene from the Exorcist, you just wait and see what happens from this point. A cab then pulls up, out comes the priest, the knock on the door, It's a bird, It's Marlon Brando, no wait, the door opens...It's JAMES WOODS, Marlons Replacement and Honey Child, all I can say is You have never seen James Woods in a scene of literal Toilet Humor until you see the opening of Scary Movie 2. I am glad Marlon Brando fell ill and passed on the part, because I am not sure if I could have stomached what James Wood does next..Then comes the Exorcism scene and it is pretty wicked let me just tell you, Expect what you would expect from the creators of Scary Movie to parody what has to be the most popular horror scene of all time. James Woods plays the Exorcist like only James Wood can, but hold up, It's Andy Richter as Father Kerris in one of the most explosive, lets just say, PUKE-GUSTING scenes ever captured on film! Wait, did I hear a Stab at Jerri from Survivor? Wow! Collen may have gotten licked in the face in the Animal but Jerri will live forever in the opening of Scary Movie 2...then the title SCARY MOVIE 2...The parody must go on!!!
Now I am going to let Miss Benater take over and tell you about the rest of the movie, We both agreed on one thing. Scary Movie 2 Rocked and SUCKED at the same time! Miss Benater seemed to not like it as much as I did, so here, lets start with the negative shall we:
Hey all you crazy Internet junkie whore bitches out there! I am here to tell you about the rest of Scary Movie 2 without spoiling all the fun. First up, I loved, loved the first Scary Movie and to tell you the truth, I was totally anticipating the 2nd one the most out of all the summer movies, but while watching Scary Movie 2, I felt like I was watching pop culture movie karoke and my brain kept trying to decipher, Okay, what movie are they doing etc... Well to round them all up in a blender...Here is a list to give you a idea of what to expect, if you want to be surprised then skip to the next paragraph (yeah right you will) THE HAUNTING, FINAL DESTINATION, THE CRYING GAME, GLADIATOR, CROUCHING TIGER, PEARL HARBOR, EVEN BUBBLE GUM POP SINGER turned actress VITAMIN C gets roasted. THE LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE, POLTERGIEST, MONICA LEWINSKYS STAINED DRESS CHARLIES ANGELS, THE WEAKEST LINK, SURVIVOR, THE CHANGELING, POLTERGEIST, THE ENTITY THE WEAKEST LINK, SURVIVOR, THE CHANGELING, POLTERGEIST, THE ENTITY, NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, WHAT LIES BENEATH, TITANIC, THE HOLLOW MAN, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 2, HANNIBAL, AMERICAN PIE, PAULIE...YES PAULIE, THAT BIRD MOVIE!! ON AND ON AND ON.... wait, isn't this movie suppose to be called SCARY MOVIE? Why are we poking fun of other genres? A more appropriate title would have been DUMB MOVIE! I think thats why I grew tired of the jokes fast because I felt like they were trying to cram everything in this movie all at once, even a pot shot at PEARL HARBOR at the end! It just did not work for me, I grew very tired of the jokes quick, the plot, WHAT PLOT? We dont' go to see a movie like SCARY MOVIE 2 for the plot honey, We go to see the PENISES AND SPERM, well maybe not the guys but a sick bitch like me has to have her onscreen protein shake and cockshots once in a great while even if it's in a raunchy comedy flick like this one and yes there were plenty this time around..I kept trying to repeat to myself "Darling, this is not Peter Greenaway, you are not going to see Ewan Mcgregors huge scholng!..But from what I can even gather from the lame plot is basically THE HAUNTING REMAKE, they all go to this haunted house for a experiment lead by Tim Curry who is wasted here big time, He should have just played FrankFurter and the movie would have been much more fun! Scenes just went from one to another and none of it made any sense at all, but I guess who really goes to a movie like this for a plot, BUT THE MOVIE STILL MADE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF, so I guess it can be called a guilty pleasure somewhat. Its the kind of movie best watched on DVD, so you can just show all your friends the best scenes and there were some classic moments of FUCKED UP-NESS in this sequel. Chris Ellioit plays the freakiest Caretaker, He was really disgusting and gross and wait till you see his left hand. His left hand is a running joke that plays throughout the movie, He has some classic lines and his character was really FREAKY and BIZARRE, I am still not sure what to think about Chris Elliot after this one. I may have nightmares about his left hand.
What didn't work was they put all these characters in a Haunted House Spoof and no one really connected unlike the first movie. Tori Spelling had one great scene but aside from that she and everyone were just there with nothing really to do or say. NOTHING MADE SENSE IN THIS FILM! IT defiantly felt like a RUSH JOB! I AM TALKING HURRY UP AND FILM THAT SHOT SO WE CAN GO ON TO THE NEXT ONE! I understand they wanted to get this movie out this summer and make the 4th of July Date, but Honestly, this movie could have ROCKED a million times better had they waited till Halloween to release this. I dunno, at this point, there is allot of work to be done, allot and I hope by the 4th, We can all see a much better version. Okay I hate lingering on the negative, LETS GET TO THE JIZZED FILLED JUICY PARTS SHALL WE?
The Charlies Angels Skit Rocked, Best scene in the movie! It was a visual piece that the audience went nuts over, lets just say, remember the alley scene when the girls lifted their legs...wait till you see what Keenen does. Then we are subjected to one of the most raunchiest scenes in the film, Get Ready folks, it's the Tori Spelling Entity Ghost Rape Scene. You thought Barbra Hershey had it bad in the original film The Entity.... Yes, wait to you see what happens to someone who sleeps with her mouth open. She turns the table on the ghost and it is a moment that perfectly goes down in history as Tori Spelling getting raped by a ghost scene. I wonder what Daddy Spelling thinks of his sweet Tori "Tori, I am cutting you out of the will, you Sperm Burping Gutter Slut!!!" The Raunch level is turned up high in this movie, I wonder what will make the cut, or UNCUT! more Penises long ones, short ones, Dildos, Sperm, More Sperm, frozen sperm, Scary Movie 2 does not hold back when it comes to the Raunch, and for that, It SUCCEEDS where all the other Gross out Movie Fails. But truthfully, I am soo burnt out on the whole Gross out Genre, I am afraid this may be the last summer of Sperm in Cinema! The Reason the original worked so well is because we were having fun with being shocked, but since then, gee, shall I even mention the Freddy Got Fingered on his last Road Trip stuff we had to wade thru? Please no more!
It just sucks that the movie felt very rushed but that is such a case of Sequelitis. What did we expect right? Although Tori has a great sequence, she is nothing but wallpaper in this movie, so are all the characters, this is just a showcase to throw the audience HOW MANY MOVIES CAN WE SKEWER, but still even though I was disappointed, aren't we all with most sequels? I would still recommend this movie to all my friends and I cannot wait to see the final special effects including a scene where a huge pot plant comes to life and attacks Marlon Wayans.....There are allot of Pot Jokes in this movie, along with the Potty Jokes. This was one weird bizarre sequel and although it will open HUGE, I see a drop-off. Sorry Kids, It just isn't the Scary Movie from Last Summer...Will you laugh your ass off yes? Will you leave with a sour taste in your mouth? Yes! Will you ever look at a frozen icicle the same? NO!
I am out of here, Miss Benater!
Oh yeah, Joan would like to say a few words..
Hey Kids, I am back, Don't listen to that crazy bitch Benater, she is out of Paxel and Marlborough Lights...JUST GO SEE IT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THE 4th OF JULY and just have fun. If you are expecting Scary Movie the original you will be very disappointed. If you just want to be in a huge rowdy audience laughing their asses off, you won't be disappointed. But just remember one thing...Be a Rock Star and don't see this movie sober, you'll enjoy it allot more!
