Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.

I can vouch for Captain Hairpiece. When it comes to the world of film music, particularly the world of STAR TREK film music, this man is hooked up. He knows what he's talking about. Consider his word gold.

Of course, in this particular case, it's a gold turd, since what he's got for us today is just awful, evil, stupid news. Check it out and tell me you don't feel your stomach turn at the very thought...

Harold,

Capt. Hairpiece here with some tidbits of info regarding the new trek series ENTERPRISE. Whilst slithering through the catacombs known as the PARAMOUNT STUDIO LOT I came across some info regarding the MAIN TITLE SEQUENCE for Enterprise. Apparently the braintrust over at Trek HQ came to the conclusion that they need to appeal to a more youth oriented market, thus doing away with a traditional fanfare for the main title and picking a song to be played during the opening credits. Yes -- a SONG!!! Not only is it going to be a SONG, but one written by Diane "TALENTLESS HACK DUJOUR" Warren! No, wait. . .there is MORE! It's a song she already wrote! It won't even be an ORIGINAL! It's a song that was featured in none other than. . . PATCH ADAMS!

Oh, Capt. Hairpiece, can you make this sound any worse? Why, yes, Trekkies. . .I CAN! - It's a song that ROD STEWART SANG!!!! It's called "FAITH OF THE HEART." If you want to hear this putrid number, go on over to www.amazon.com and type in PATCH ADAMS in the music section. It's the first track on the album.

HOWEVER, Mr Stewart's caterwailing won't be the voice you will be hearing in the opening credits. Instead, the Braintrust has decided to go hipper and younger. They are looking for some big name singer that loves TREK and is willing to sing this number. Boy oh boy -- I can't wait to hear Jessica Simpson or the Backdoor Boys do a cover of this song!

The main title sequence, however, sounds interesting. It will feature clips of man's exploration throughout the centuries (ie Columbus sailing, First Walk on the Moon, etc. . .) and culminate with the launch of Enterprise A.

You know what is so sad, my fellow Trekkies -- this is actually a GOOD SHOW! It harkens back to the old swashbuckling feel of the original series. Bakula is GREAT! His supporting cast, thus far, seems fun! The storylines are interesting and the direction is top notch! The only problem I could forsee is the Vulcan babe. If she's not careful the producers might do a "DENISE CROSBY" on her.

Oh, and one more thing -- the "CAPTAIN" will make a surprise guest appearance on the show most likely during the November sweeps. Perhaps he'll be playing Kirk's great grandfather -- the man who invented photon torpedoes.

Please send all your hate mail to those buffoons over at Trek HQ. I don't know about you, but this Rug wants to hear Jerry or Dennis come up with a cool main title rather than hear Aaron Carter belt out the words to a Diane Warren tune.