Hola all. Massawyrm here.

I don’t know what drugs I was supposed to take before walking into this thing, but I sure as hell didn’t have any on hand when I did. In what will most assuredly become the stoner movie of a generation, Speed Racer is a seizure inducing, Technicolor nightmare that can only be described as something akin to what an 8-year old sees after coating his Cocoa Puffs with Nestle Quik, Pixie Stix and Fun Dip before chasing it down with a Jolt Cola and then jumping up and down to make sure the whole concoction is well mixed. It is sugar-coated insanity racing at 200mph, bouncing off the walls, screaming at the top of its lungs and seeing colors you never thought existed. It is the movie Willy Wonka will heretofore project onto the walls of that batshit crazy ass tunnel of his.

So yes. I thought it was awesome.

Now that’s not to say that this is perfect. It is experimental – that much is certain. And whenever you try something this experimental, the question isn’t necessarily How good a job will you do? The question invariably is Will the Audience accept the world you want to take them to? Something this radical can only be compared to similar works like Tron, Cool World, Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and Dick Tracy. One hopes, when playing with a new toy box like this, that it is more Tron than Dick Tracy. The thing is, with Speed Racer, at times it invokes both.

The first hour of the film is pretty soulless, hollow and empty. There’s plenty going on and it sure is pretty – but in truth the first half of the film only exists to set up the second. There’s tons of back-story, lots of plot hooks and a whole slew of characters to get to know. But at times it is a little tedious. Not that I wasn’t particularly entertained, but the world felt very pasted on. All hat and no cattle if you know what I mean. It was a cartoon universe that wasn’t fully committed to being a cartoon. And honestly, you might find it a little hard to get into.

And then the second half kicks in – and with all the hooks firmly in place, all the characters as fleshed out as they will ever be, the movie takes off at a frenetic, mind blowing pace full of all the action, tension and ass kicking moments you were hoping for out of it in the first place. It’s almost like they were spoon feeding you sugar for an hour straight and the moment it starts to kick in you can’t stop yourself from shaking, twitching and shouting HELL YEAH as the film becomes a steady stream of surreal racing sequences, bizarre visuals and ninja fights. And the measure of whether or not you love this film will be your feeling when you hit the second half. If you’ve given up by then, if you’re not committed to continue along with the movie, you will be left in the dust. You’ll feel that it is too little, too late.

But if you are still with the film, if you hang in there enjoying what they have to offer but ready for more – this movie shifts into fifth gear and tears it up something ugly. By the time the final reality spurning race is on, you’re on the edge of your seat, gripping the armrest, listening to Richard fucking Roundtree call the race as cars bounce around like pinballs off of bumpers, chanting under your breath “Go, Speed, Go!” It. Is. Badass.

But it ain’t gonna be for everyone. This is, in effect, this year’s 300 - that movie that everyone will acknowledge is visually stunning and remarkably original, but one that a chunk of the audience will find more style over substance while the rest are hootin’ and hollerin’ for more.
Personally, I’m in the latter category – but I know a lot of older folks who are in the former. It is a film that seems to get better the younger you are. And the kids? The kids are gonna love it. For them it’s like cotton candy laced with LSD – a confectionary ball of fluff that will blow their little fucking minds.

The Wachowskis have once again outdone themselves, making a film no one is quite ready for; a film whose legacy remains in the hands of children.
Whether they’ll embrace it and make it an enduring classic like my generation did Tron or whether they’ll shun it and leave it mostly forgotten like we did Dick Tracy remains to be seen. All I know is that it is a top-notch summer spectacle that is worth seeing big just to take in and gawk at the one-of-a-kind experience it has to offer. Speed Racer comes recommended for those with kids or those who still think like one.

But seriously, go easy on the sugar.

Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.

Massawyrm

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