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The Pull List
(Click title to go directly to the review)
FINAL CRISIS #1
GIANT-SIZE ASTONISHING X-MEN #1
ACTION COMICS #865
THOR #9
BATMAN #677
ANGEL: REVELATIONS #1
SHADOWPACT #25
THE CURRENT STATE OF MARVEL UK @$$-itorial
Big Eyes For the Cape Guy presents GANTZ V1
Indie Jones presents…
CHEAP SHOTS!
The Secret Tournament of Infinite @$$-Kickery
Round Four Winners!
Semi-Final Match-up Two!

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FINAL CRISIS # 1

Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist J.G. Jones
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Optimous Douche

When I had finished reading the first issue of the highly-anticipated FINAL CRISIS, I felt the same way I did after I had lost my virginity in the back of a senior's car when I was ahem-teen years old (forgive me for being elusive, but my Mother reads this column). It was an event I had built up in my mind to be the "end-all-be-all" of existence, but after two-and-a-half minutes of awkward coitus my paramour and I were both left the over-arching feeling of "that's it?" While certainly not the experience of a lifetime, FINAL CRISIS was meant to be the lynchpin for two years’ worth of crisis upon mini-crisis, countless craptacular countdowns and a war that spanned the cosmos. After over two years of build-up it's easy to understand the insatiable thirst of DC fans that could only be quenched by the most earth shattering title of all time. This was a damn fine book, but I would be a hack and a charlatan if I led you to believe that this was the most monumental title to ever hit the stands. Let's start with the highlights, since there were moments of sheer genius scattered throughout the common place.

J.G. Jones sketched some of the most visually enticing panels to ever be printed. Whether grounded on terra firma or traversing other planets and alternate planes of reality, Mr. Jones could sell each panel of this tile as stand-alone artistic masterpieces. Being a word guy, it's the rare artist that can draw me into a scene based on the visuals alone, but Jones' ability to encapsulate the emotion of a scene left me dumbfounded in its intricate detail. The book had two covers and for anyone that could not get their hands on the cover with Green Lantern, you have my sincere condolences. This is definitely a cover I would hang in my man-cave next to my signed Alex Ross MARVELS poster.

Before I focus on the story, I'm obliged to give the standard SPOILERS AHEAD warning.

As I said earlier, from a story perspective the book was good, it just didn't blow my mind. Morrison has ample aptitude in writing gritty crime noir tales, but is that really the correct approach to address the death of Gods and the rebirth of an entire universe? I was also left scratching my head a few times at scenes that seemed to be utterly inconsistent with all of the "build-up" books.

The freshest parts of the story book-ended the piece. Essentially all of humanities' woes can be attributed to the New Gods kick starting our imagination with the discovery of fire. Some will gripe that it took two pages for Anthro the Caveboy to have this gift bestowed upon him, but for me, it just gave me more time to spend with Jones' art work. I was also impressed with how Morrison tied the discovery of fire to Detective Turpin of Superman fame lighting a cigarette lamenting how humanity takes a good idea and uses it to inevitably bring about our demise. If there was ever a good PSA to quit smoking it's this book. Kamandi the Last Boy on Earth is a fitting caboose to showcase that no matter how enlightened we try to become, our inevitable future will be wearing loin cloths and once again flinging our poo at one another.

So what didn't I like? Well, pretty much everything in between. While I liked how Morrison treats the death of Orion as a crime scene for both the local police and the galactic defenders of the Green Lantern Corps, something about this approach bothered me. I was the first to applaud the introduction of the Alpha Lanterns in GREEN LANTERN, but I'm unsettled by the fact that Hal Jordan, Jon Stewart and Guy Gardner are no longer the go-to guys when the shit hits the fan. I only hope that the Alpha Lanterns’ dispassionate ways end up being a foible rather than a virtue and my old favorites can swoop in to save the day. Time will tell.

There were also a few inconsistencies of logic that ripped me out of the story. For some reason, The Question thinks it's a good idea to send mortal Turpin after Dark Side. While Dark Side is no longer the apocalyptic bad ass he once was, I still wouldn't send a 60-something detective with emphysema after him.

I was also unsettled by the fact that Superman and Batman had to debrief the Justice League about the New Gods. Perhaps in six months’ time when everything is rebooted this would have been appropriate, but I know from past readings that most of the people sitting at the table had dealt directly with the New Gods at one point or another throughout history. Also, wasn't the Justice League watching Orion and Dark Side battle in the final issues of COUNTDOWN? Did they forget? Is it really a mystery as to which New God has put the Green Lantern Corps on high alert?

And finally, for the love of God please stop having bad guys sit around a table at meetings like they just read Miss Manners’ guide for appropriate meeting etiquette. They are the underbelly of society: if they have to sit at a table at least have a basket of kittens in the middle so they can snap their necks or juggle them as they plot the take over of the world.

I'm not digging the Monitors. Aren't they Gods of 52 separate universes? I can appreciate that earth is the keystone of the multiverse, but to have them emulate humanity should piss off the other several billion planets in their charge. I don't care enough about them yet as characters to be concerned about their emotional turmoil, either. If they are being set up as the New New New Gods, then for God's sake go tell their story in a separate tale or a spin-off. This is about decimating and rebuilding what we have become accustomed to over the past twenty years.

FINAL CRISIS is supposed to be the launch point for a new age of the DC universe. Well, if the last age was an abyss of darkness, this new age seems to be a Petri dish of clinical sterility. Everything felt too just too damn neat and tidy to truly be a Crisis, and it was quite certainly too tepid to be a FINAL CRISIS. Perhaps I'm just wired for alliteration, but I see crisis and chaotic going together as naturally as Bert & Ernie's unrequited puppet man-love. I'm not giving up hope, but Morrison needs to kick up the energy a thousand fold in coming issues to make this event truly worthy of the title CRISIS.

When Optimous Douche isn’t reading comics and misspelling the names of 80’s icons, he “transforms” into a corporate communications guru. Optimous is looking for artistry help, critical feedback and a little industry insight to get his original book AVERAGE JOE up, up and on the shelves. What if the entire world had super powers? Find out in the blog section of Optimous’ MySpace page to see some preview pages and leave comments.

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GIANT-SIZE ASTONISHING X-MEN #1

Writer: Joss Whedon
Penciler: John Cassaday
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewed by Humphrey Lee

Just a couple months after bidding a tearful goodbye to the instant classic Y: THE LAST MAN, here I am again to give that fond farewell to another emotionally charged fan favorite series. And, just like the last time I did this, I imagine I'll be spending the majority of these upcoming words here remembering and thanking the crew involved with this series and what they did during their tenure, which overall I would say, yes, is probably easily one of the top X-title runs I have personally ever read. There's been little rough patches here and there, and obviously the inconsistency in time between issues was rather nagging, but between the pitch-perfect characterization Mr. Whedon bought and the outstanding artistic presentation by John Cassaday, yes, I would daresay this run did live up to be one of those rare "instant classics".

As those two aesthetics above were so integral to the series as a whole, so too were they to this finale. The best moments to me came from, well, of course there's the obvious one as a much beloved X-Man makes the ultimate sacrifice, but it was the "little" things that made it work. From Colossus' resolve to one of Emma's few displays of genuine emotion; hell even characters like Agent Brand and Armor got their little quirks in, just like Spider-Man in his limited guest time got in some trademark wisecracks. Though I think some of the overall plot points that have been driving this "epic" X-story for its duration have been kind of hit or miss, like the existence of Danger seems to have been kind of frivolous to me, and the Breakworld's weapon of choice to annihilate Earth was obviously a bit too contrived to get to the end point we see in this issue, but it still was powerful enough to overcome this misstep, just as that fantastic characterization I keep reiterating was enough to typically wash away any bits of awkwardness or occasional breakdowns this title has sporadically had since its inception.

And obviously John Cassaday's art deserves a large round of applause. We all knew he was good - great actually - going into this, but I'll be damned if he didn't still make an impression. There have been some absolutely breathtaking panels and pages in this title. From the two-page Fastball Special to cap off the first arc, all the way up to something happily unexpected like the two-pager in this issue of our Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man swinging above NYC. From the little things like someone finally depicting Wolverine as the squat little scrapper that he is, to the stature of Colossus, to the rendition of a more feline Beast out of Morrison's NEW X-MEN run, everything has been pretty much spot on with smooth lines and great detail. Give the man a hand.

Sure, this book hasn't reinvented the wheel or anything during its life. I don't think you'll ever see a descriptive term like "seminal" being placed before it, hell I doubt I'd even rate this in the top two or three dozen of runs I've read, but like I've said before, there's a lot to be said about a solid story, told in an exciting manner and with a great handling and reinvigoration of long time and beloved characters like these X-Men. There's just a base joy there that's hard to deny. To this day the return of Colossus, easily my personal favorite X-Man, still excites me to think about. To provoke that kind of response has to reflect well on the people involved in it (and that no matter how hard I try to bury him, it looks that occasionally my inner fanboy will dig his way out and take over, albeit fleetingly). If you're an X-Men fan, I'm sure all that I've just said is rather superfluous, and if you aren't an X-Men fan, or at least have been sort of neutral on them, then I think you owe it to yourself to see how exciting these merry band of mutants can be when handled expertly. Simply one of the best things Marvel has done this decade. Now all that's left is a nice little Omnibus treatment to supplement my burgeoning oversized hardcover habit. If anything deserves the treatment, it's this.

Humphrey Lee is a long time AICN reviewer and also a certified drunk whose claim to fame is making it up four steps of the twelve step program before vomiting on steps five and six and then falling asleep on steps one through three. Also, chances are, he's banged your mom (depending on the relative hotness of said parental figure) and is probably the father of one of your younger siblings.

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ACTION COMICS #865

Writer: Geoff Johns
Artist: Jesus Merino
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Squashua

Continuity. That's what it all breaks down to. Continuity. The fan community at large shits a brick every time a new Supergirl iteration shows up, and rightly so, but it's the sole nerd alone in the corner of the forum who even notices that yet another Toyman is frolicking about the DC Universe. Certainly, each could be (and probably have been) chalked up to a creator taking liberties to earn a paycheck, knowing their individual Toyman would be ignored in the long run as one in an ever-increasing quantity of continuity errors. Assuredly, these gaffs would vanish from the spotlight.

Not quite. With ACTION COMICS #865, Geoff Johns has done for The Terrible Toyman what he's done to many members of The Flash's Rogues Gallery. "Which Toyman", you ask? Why, all of them. From the original bow tie wearing Winslow Shott to the scrawny Giffen-esque “Superfriends” iteration, and including the toy-like masked doll from “Superman: The Animated Series” and even Hiro from SUPERMAN/BATMAN, the ToyMEN get their due.

After a proper and long-overdue compare and contrast to longtime Superman villain The Prankster, Winslow Schott gets a reprieve from his out-of-character, mother-obsessed, skinhead alter ego whose stigma for murdering Adam Grant (the son of longtime not-quite-Jimmy Olsen-level Superman supporting character Cat Grant) has haunted him ever since. Without spoiling anything, I'm not saying the "reveal" was entirely believable; in fact considering the involvement of Hiro, I suspect the whole or part thing is an elaborate hoax to maintain a state of delusion. Then again, the fan in me wants this concept to work out for the better, and as evidenced by the last couple pages insinuating the return of a certain long missing supporting urban cougar, it seems The Terrible Toyman's cover story perpetrated might be accepted as a canon ret-con.

The art was excellent for this issue; Merino has a keen eye, fully rendering every detail of each panel. All flashbacks were tastefully done in a watercolor style, evoking a dream-like quality. What I most enjoyed about this story is that, again barring appearances elsewhere by Hiro the Japanese Toyman-boy, we as readers can finally move on and accept The Terrible Toyman for the Superman antagonist he once was and might be again. For all intents and purposes, Toyman has resolved his own personal Sue Dibny rape charge.

Kuax'kua plucks and strums the fibre electric between worlds, writhing in amorphous ecstasy with each pulsing nanobyte of digitized information. A fount of queries and feedback cloaked as an unassuming sass-imbued avatar, this shapeless servitor scribes only of that which fuels its emotion, driving all observers to a slow and inevitable madness.

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THOR #9

Writer: J. Michael Straczynski
Artist: Oliver Coipel
Inker: Mark Morales, Danny Miki and John Dell
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewer: Rock-Me Amodeo

I liked this issue, even if the cover was more exciting than the contents. Coipel's art was outstanding, as usual. Fandral, whose mental blade seems a bit swifter than others, gets in a few good lines. And Loki's machinations are not so two-dimensional that they may be easily discerned. Also, I'm really glad that JMS doesn't have Loki using his, uhn, feminine wiles on anyone, because that would just be weird.

In fact, Loki raises an interesting question: what are you people DOING with your lives?!? We spend most of the issue answering it to one degree or another. Though there were many good scenes, my attention was particularly drawn to an exchange between the human William and a few warriors, trying to learn the basic concepts of basketball, and failing. I mean, what are they, idiots? And then it hit me: yes. Kind of. And suddenly, a much bigger picture unfolded in front of me.

Here's the thing – if you were functionally immortal, you would have all kinds of time to learn whatever you wanted to do. I mean, just look at all Bill Murray did in “Groundhog Day”, and he was there for maybe, what, a year or two? Over several thousand years, you could be an expert in…everything.

So how is it that the Asgardians have lived all this time, and yet so few of them have managed to accomplish anything other than mead-drinking and wench (or perhaps mimbo) bedding? Why is that? Either they don't have much ambition to do more than that, or most of them are dumb as posts…or both. Kind of explains why people will still fall for Loki's tricks after an eternity of ankle-grabbing. You'd think they would learn. But they haven't, either because they lack the capacity or the drive.

These are cultural nuances that must be understood if you're going to world-build, and that is the task JMS has set for himself. The problem with having a bunch of characters (other than your hero) is: they need to be doing something with their downtime. They don't just sit on a shelf until the writer pulls them off (at least, a good writer should give them something to do.) And that's what JMS does with this issue, and he's showing us in a way that makes sense. He's showing us why, in all Asgard, only a handful of people show any initiative or cleverness because, among Asgardians in general, they're unique. Some are thinkers and strategists, sure…but most simply go about their day-to-day tasks, never questioning, never growing, never curious about anything outside sustenance or battle. So when I see someone trying to teach basketball to a crowd of beefcake, and they're clearly not getting it…well, for the first time, it really makes sense to me. The whole culture. Not the old Norsemen, who themselves had a great love of games and puzzles. I mean Asgardians. These would be the people you find taking tolls on the highway, or working the assembly line. Most folks in those jobs fight a never-ending battle against boredom. But the Asgardians? Battle lust notwithstanding, they would find those tasks completely fulfilling.

This is a comic about Thor, but it's also a comic about Asgard. It's about time we fleshed that out, don't you think? And I wonder – what WILL happen if Asgard becomes a city full of gods who each have their own agenda, a striving to do something different? Hmmm…

Sure, I think these events will tie into a greater picture, but for now, it was a very enjoyable, well-drawn and thought-provoking comic…with some troll-killing, too. How much more do you want?

Dante “Rock-Me” Amodeo has been reading comics for thirty-five years. His first novel, “Saban and The Ancient” (an espionage/paranormal thriller) was published 2006. He began writing for AICN Comics in 2007 and his second novel (“Saban Betrayed”) is due 2008. He’s often told he has a great face for radio.

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BATMAN #677

Writer: Grant Morrison
Art: Tony Daniel (pencils), Sandu Florea (inker)
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Ambush Bug

It there's one thing to learn from this issue of BATMAN, it's this:

Never, ever show your chick your comic collection.

In this issue of BATMAN, the Dark Knight, who for the last few issues has been smitten with fellow thrill-seeker Jezebel Jet, does the dumbest thing a guy can do...he shows his girlfriend his comic collection.

Well, it's not his comic collection per se, but it might as well be. Batman lets Ms. Jet into the Batcave and proudly takes her on the tour like a kid showing off his first doop in the toilet. As one would imagine, Jezebel's reaction is not what Bats anticipated. You see, when you show your girlfriend your comics, at first, if it's a cool girl, she may think it's kind of quirky, even attractive in a dorky sort of way. But soon enough the questioning starts and in this day and age, when comics are barely worth the paper they are printed on and those collecting them are doing so simply for the love of comics, it's hard to answer those questions.

"Where are you going to put all of these things?"

"How much money are you spending?"

"Couldn't you be more productive spending your time elsewhere?"

These are basically the same questions Jezebel asks Bats and he really doesn't have any answers for her. You see, Jezebel tosses in something that shatters much of the mystique of both what makes Batman tick and what makes comic book reading so fun; she brings in real world sensibilities to it. As soon as someone starts asking questions like that, it's time for the ugly lights. Show's over, my friends. There's no way to logically explain why you read so many comics Likewise, there's no logical way for Bats to win this debate with Jezebel. In the end, you end up either giving up comics (if you want regular nookie) or you stand firm and drop the girl. It looks as if it also means one has to hang up a pointy eared cowl if this one is going where I think it's going.

Morrison definitely sets up a new way of dealing with Bats' new love. Someone manipulating him to hang up the cape and cowl is something that hasn't been tried before. But reading this issue gave me an ooky feeling. It made me squirm to see Batman buckle and falter under pressure like he does here. I know this is all a way for Bruce to hang up the cape and cowl. Maybe pass it on to Jason Todd or Dick Grayson. But in doing so, Morrison diminished the character of Batman for me.

Bats has always been portrayed as a bit unhinged, but there was something in the logical way Jezebel went about shooting holes in his life's work that made Bruce seem more sad than anything else. Never have I got the feeling that Batman was a loser until this issue. It may have been the sincere way Jezebel was doing it--something that suggested that she may be just a concerned girlfriend and not a part of some plot to take down the Batman. I can't really put my finger on it, but this issue did more damage to the character to Batman than twenty back-breaking Banes or a hundred smiling fish flinging Jokers.

On top of knocking over the Batman's sandcastle, Morrison also introduces some subplots that tarnish the reputation of both Thomas Wayne (suggesting he was a drug and alcohol addict and possibly took part in a conspiracy to kill Martha Wayne and fake his own death) and Alfred (who may have taken part in the cover up). Now, Morrison is an idea man. He's always got good ones. Or at the very least they are imaginative and original ones. I don't want to shoot down what he's doing this early in the game. But if there is one thing I know about comic book icons it's that they are built upon a foundation. Do what you want to the structure, but when you start chipping away at the foundation, the whole thing is going to collapse upon itself. Thomas and Martha Wayne tried their best to raise a good son. Alfred is a loyal and dutiful servant and much more to Bruce. The Batman's fight is just and good. These things are what have built the structure of all Batman stories since his inception. Start pointing out cracks in those truths and one starts to see the Batman as something less of a hero. This isn't a new concept for Morrison. Morrison has been suggesting Bats is certifiable since ARKHAM ASYLUM. It's an interesting angle to play and I'm intrigued by the story so far with Bruce's paranoia reaching a fever pitch and a cadre of new villains waiting to take him out when he cracks. But in the past, although Morrison's ideas have proven to be imaginative, the story itself has often left me wanting. There's a disconnect between the imagining of these ideas and how they will work logically within the parameters of the story. In the end, we've ended up with a mixed bag of ideas and little story to hang it upon.

I want to give this arc a chance. Morrison seems to have a specific goal in mind and he's steering Batman unflinchingly into the abyss. The new villains are imaginative, and although many of them have yet to be named, artist Tony Daniel's designs definitely make them original looking, especially the Hunchback character and the sad clown holding a flower that changes color from panel to panel. Again, these are good looking characters and interesting ideas. Here's hoping that Morrison can bring these ideas together with a story that makes sense, doesn't irreparably crack the foundations, and most importantly, is entertaining to read.

In the meantime, learn from this issue, my comic book brethren. If you want to keep collecting comics, keep it to yourselves and leave the girlfriend out of it.

Ambush Bug is Mark L. Miller, reviewer and co-editor of AICN Comics for close to seven years. Look for his first published work in MUSCLES & FIGHTS 3 (AVAILABLE NOW!) from Cream City Comics.

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ANGEL: REVELATIONS #1 (of 5)

Writer: Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa
Artist: Adam Pollina
Color Art: Matt Hollingsworth
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Rock-Me Amodeo

A re-imagining of Angel's origins….as superfluous as this might seem, I'll bite for an issue.

We start out with a priest who seems a little brusque, but may be trying to help the people he meets. We get a few excellent sections chronicling Warren's loneliness despite his success, and his sense of secrecy and shame that he's not like the other guys. He wants to reach out to his father, but doesn't want to be seen as less than a man. Then we end with a scene that shows OH MY GOSH, THE PRIEST IS EEEEEVIL!

Wow. Never seen that before. (Actually, I think it's about as common as bitter ex-Catholics - no coincidence there, I'm sure.) And I suppose with a title like ANGEL, writers can't help but trot out words like "sinner" and "annunciation" and feel like they're being clever.

But just like the author obviously has things he must get off his chest (a service for which the reader is paying him) I feel like I have something I must get off of mine. For free, even: Okay, WE GET IT ALREADY! Anytime we see a character with a priest's collar, or holding a bible, or seems to be a part of any mainstream religion: they must be evil, are always the villain, play poker with kittens, and will eventually prove to be a racist, child killing psychopath, and probably homophobic to boot. We get it. We fricking get it! Now please, for the LOVE OF GOD (irony intended) could we please find someone who can write a story that doesn't trot out this tired, worn out, smells-like-your-therapy-session storyline?

Needless to say, it really bothers me when a story reads like someone is desperate to push an agenda, which is FINE if it would simply be done some cleverness or originality. And if you read the reviews for "Good Boys and True," or any of Roberto's other variations on this same theme, you know that may not be on the horizon. Whatever he's brought to the table, he's mined this vein many times before (and he's not the only one. On the plus side, if I wanted religious clichés twice in a month, I'd normally have to pick up two issues of Starlin's HOLY WAR. Now I have a choice. Whoopee.)

As far as the art goes, what's up with Pollina? It's a very interesting style. I liked his stuff on the old X-Force, but these characters look like they lost a bet with a taffy-puller, and makes me feel like the title should be ANGEL: A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS. I'm not saying it's bad, just takes some getting used to. Actually, the second time I read it, I appreciated the overall style, mood and "camera shots" MUCH more than the first time. He crammed a lot of small stylistic things that I missed the first time. I'm not sure it lends itself to super-heroes, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, Pollina has already proved to me what a talented artist he is. Let's see where he goes.

But the overall direction…all I can say is, based on the first issue, I can't imagine liking where this is going, since we've all been there dozens of times already. Reverend Stryker, Reverend Craig, Matthew Risman and the Purifiers…I KNOW Aguirre-Sacasa is a better writer than this. I hope I'm right.

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SHADOWPACT #25

Writer: Matthew Sturges
Artist: Phil Winslade
Publisher: DC
Reviewed by: BottleImp

Remember the INFINITE CRISIS spin-off series? THE OMAC PROJECT, VILLAINS UNITED, etc? The only one of these series I had eyes for was DAY OF VENGEANCE. Why? Two words: Blue Devil.

If you read my Bargain Bin review of the BLUE DEVIL comic from the ‘80s then you already know my love for the character as he was originally conceived, as well as my disdain for the way Blue Devil has been dealt with over the past decade. But at the time DOV hit the shelves, Blue Devil hadn’t been seen too often around the DC Universe, so I figured I’d give the series a shot to find out what the creative minds at DC had in store for him. From there, I fell into the ongoing SHADOWPACT series—I had grown to like the Detective Chimp character, and while I didn’t really know much about the others in the group, I thought their visuals were interesting and I was willing to see how the series developed. Unfortunately, development seemed to be a four-letter word when it came to the Shadowpact team. I waded through a few issues of hellishly bland storytelling, an absolute absence or character development and mediocre art before giving the series up (the final nail in the coffin was when Blue Devil began sporadically to speak in rhyme—I knew where that was going and I wanted no part of it).

Flash forward to a couple of years later as I’m browsing the racks at my local comic shop. I picked up #24 and idly flipped to the last page when I see it: the original Blue Devil design! Could it be that DC was going to bring the character back to its roots? I bought #’s 23 and 24 and discovered that Blue Devil had managed to win his soul back in the courts of Hell, and was therefore transformed back to Dan Cassidy. However, to help his teammates fight against the demon hordes of the Sun King (who was one of the goofiest looking villains ever—a giant sun with a chubby face; all he was missing was two scoops of raisins) Cassidy donned the prototype Blue Devil suit he had originally built. Knowing that the next issue was to be the last of the series, my fanboy-ness was running wild. Maybe the whole reason for this mediocre comic book series was to bring Blue Devil back to his former glory (what little of it there was)! After all, I reasoned, maybe the Sun King was SUPPOSED to look goofy, just like the sillier villains that used to grace the BLUE DEVIL series… and the courtroom case in Hell was handled with a little humor, not with any heavy-handed melodrama… was it possible that SHADOWPACT was intended to bring back the days of fun comic books? Eagerly I awaited #25, wondering what Sturges had in store for my favorite B-List ‘80s superhero…

Turns out he had zilch.

Within the first 6 pages the original suit is busted and Dan Cassidy turns back into a demon. And there’s no real reason that it should happen. His demonized brother, “Jack of Fire,” kills himself with Blue Devil’s mystical trident so that Cassidy gets his powers back, his soul back, and a standing rank in Hell. It’s an act that doesn’t fit in at all with the actions and personality of Jack of Fire as I’ve seen in earlier issues. It’s not crucial to the outcome of the battle with the Sun King. It’s lazy writing, pure and simple. The status quo needs to be maintained, so shit happens without reasonable motivation just so we can get there quickly with as little fuss as possible. Remember that turd of a movie called “Fantastic Four?” Remember how Ben Grimm bitched and moaned about wanting to be human for the whole movie, only to change himself right back into the Thing after, oh, about ten minutes of not being covered in latex? Remember how his being the Thing did not really make a difference in the climactic (and I use that term loosely) fight with Dr. Doom? That’s exactly how it happens in this comic. Shit, the least they could have done is try to come up with a more interesting design for Blue Devil upon his re-demonization. But no, he still has the same stupid yellow horns, the same stupid outfit with the stupid black t-shirt with the stupid crest in the corner like he’s wearing a superhero polo shirt.

Sigh.

The funny thing is, the few pages where BD is drawn in his original duds look really good. I think Phil Winslade might be a classic Blue Devil fan, too.

Anyhoo, the long and short of it is that SHADOWPACT ends as it began: in a blaze of blandness. And it appears from the blurb on the back page that the blandness will continue in REIGN IN HELL, whenever that comes out. My advice to the DC editorial staff? Scrape off the chuff characters—Ragman, Enchantress, et al—and focus on the only characters worth keeping: Blue Devil and Detective Chimp. It’d make a great buddy book—think about it!

Oh well. At least I’ve got my complete run of BLUE DEVIL and my Justice League Unlimited Blue Devil action figure to feed my monkey.

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THE CURRENT STATE OF MARVEL UK

An @$$-itorial by Stones Throw, taking in THE ASTONISHING SPIDER-MAN #29 and MIGHTY WORLD OF MARVEL #69
Marvel UK homepage
A pretty detailed fansite

I’m not sure to what extent this is common knowledge, but Marvel has had a fully-functioning British division for a good few decades. In the 1970s big names like Jack Kirby and John Buscema contributed pages to magazines like MIGHTY WORLD OF MARVEL and HULK WEEKLY. Alan Moore began his Captain Britain in the pages of THE DAREDEVILS, another reprint magazine. Marvel UK achieved its highest prominence in the 1990s when the original book DEATH’S HEAD was a hit in the #1 crazy market.

European publisher Panini got the license in the mid-90s. The main thing they publish are monthly “Collector’s Editions” which sell in newsagents and supermarkets and reprint three or so US comics every issue. It’s kind of interesting in that the audience is both kids who get their parents to buy them and older Marvel fans. Like a guy named Paul who’s going to university in the autumn wrote into this week’s SPIDER-MAN saying how he collects every title. Yeah Paul, I wrote a letter like that when I was 10 or something. Good luck with the university.

But I am a fan of the Collector’s Edition format. It’s great for getting a sense of the lost tradition of action-packed Marvel comics utilizing continuity and the shared universe, and it’s also the best place I know to find original size and color back issues. So when I noticed the comics rack in Borders I decided to check in with how they were holding up.

There’s currently seven Collector’s Editions on British newsstands:


ASTONISHING SPIDER-MAN
ESSENTIAL X-MEN
WOLVERINE AND DEADPOOL
AVENGERS UNLIMITED
MIGHTY WORLD OF MARVEL
FANTASTIC FOUR ADVENTURES
and MARVEL LEGENDS (Brubaker’s Cap, Ellis’ Iron Man and Jurgens’ Thor).

I have to say that my first reaction was sadness: AVENGERS UNLIMITED has passed “Avengers Disassembled” and is now on NEW AVENGERS and ILLUMINATI in its main features. I get why they want to lead with modern stuff, but at the same time I regretted seeing something that I held up as one of the bastions of cool, original Marvel moving onto the stories that did away with tradition in favor of self-awareness and events over character. But from the philosophical perspective it’s all part of the big picture, ain’t it? Anyway, intrigued by the always interesting back-ups, I stumped up £5 for two CEs.

The Spider-Man title is currently reprinting that crappy “Other” storyline from a few years back. I’m not sure how well this is going down with the core audience (there were letters complaining about the lack of action), but in these Marvel movie-heavy days, the line is evidently doing well enough for ASTONISHING to go fortnightly. Cool and all, but mightn’t it be disadvantageous to the aim of appealing to Brit kids who aren’t otherwise able to get to a comic store? Still, the three reprints were:

“The Other” Part 6 by Reggie Hudlin and Mike Deodato Jr. – didn’t read it.

SPIDER-MAN: BLUE # 3 by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale – pretty damn fantastic. Loeb and Sale get right to the heart of the emotion and excitement of the 1960s classics while losing the cheese. Sale’s art beautifully combines Ditko and Romita influences. But you knew that already.

And AMAZING SPIDER-MAN # 254 by Tom DeFalco and Ron Frenz – my main reason for purchase. They’re on the original black suit/Hobgoblin days in the classic reprints and this issue is heavy on the weirdness, with Spidey just back from dimension-hopping with Starfox and Captain Marvel and wearing his SECRET WARS costume, but DeFalco and Frenz manage to sell it with their portrayal of Pete’s dangling-around-the-breadline existence.

Otherwise, it’s whack. The Red Ghost is in New York building a Cosmicizer to increase his powers. But he needs funds and since he doesn’t want to expose himself to the FF, rather than just sell an invention he enlists the Black Fox to rob a jewelry store with his Super Apes, even though he can freaking walk through walls! (Now I understand why this guy launched himself into space in a plastic rocket.) Predictably, the Super Apes go wild, screwing up his plan to evade attention. It’s completely crazy but Frenz’s art lets it scrape by. We get a good sense of how Spidey survives – mostly running away and letting his enemies do themselves in – and Frenz’s use of the black suit with the big, white spider is practically expressionist. Fun with cliffhangers, subplots and a capital F.

MIGHTY WORLD OF MARVEL is the most eclectic of the lot. Dan Slott’s SHE-HULK has been leading for a while. Given that Slott combines old school Marvel virtues like continuity and obscure characters with humor and modern sensibilities, I’d say he’s the ideal guy for this format. This purchase was also my first exposure to THE ORDER, the Kurt Busiek series from which Matt Fraction’s mini took its name, a cool read with art from Ivan Reis. Busiek excels at coming up with interesting visual ideas and then fitting a good story around them, a talent in full evidence here as the original four Defenders enslave humanity.

MWOM is great for older reads too. I remember one Frank Miller-drawn issue of MARVEL TWO-IN-ONE it reprinted where Nick Fury brings poker buddies the Thing, Beast, Wonder Man and Ms. Marvel along when a SHIELD helicarrier is invaded by the Yellow Claw (Jarvis stayed home). This issue’s was a Michelinie/Layton IRON MAN in which Ant-Man comes to Tony Stark’s rescue when his armor cuts out after a grueling fight with the Hulk (think the choice of those two characters has any significance?). Michelinie and Layton show us what we’ve always wondered: just how does Iron Man’s suit work?, and the results are surprisingly cool and credible.

Things get rounded out with a six-page Lee/Ditko sci-fi story from AMAZING ADULT FANTASY. My one complaint is with the next issue page. “Planet Hulk” begins next month, taking the modern tale count up to three for three. MIGHTY WORLD OF MARVEL was meant to be the most off-beat Collector’s Edition, and debuting with the early days of Frank Miller’s DAREDEVIL and Herb Trimpe’s HULK was a genuinely ballsy move. While the new line-up is no doubt motivated by the upcoming Ed Norton movie, I’d hate to see MWOM lose its maverick reputation.

The cool thing is, though, when I started thinking of runs I’d like to see appear in MWOM, I checked the Panini website and found they’d already been stealing my ideas. TOMB OF DRACULA, Stan and John’s SILVER SURFER, Gene Colan’s DAREDEVIL, and Steranko’s NICK FURY and CAPTAIN AMERICA have all featured. Seems like smart guy editor Scott Gray’s already way ahead of me, but even so I’d like to make some suggestions. Ahem. Lee and Kirby’s THOR. Gerber’s DEFENDERS, HOWARD THE DUCK or MAN-THING. DOCTOR STRANGE, particularly the Englehart/Brunner run or Roger Stern. MASTER OF KUNG-FU. Nocenti’s DAREDEVIL. INFINITY GAUNTLET. RUNAWAYS. Any of those would make great additions to the general vibe of MWOM.

So I’m pretty pleased with the current state of Marvel UK. If it was up to me, the ratio of classics to modern tales would be weighted in the other direction, but you have to admit it’s fairly awesome that the kind of stuff I listed above is making it onto mainstream UK newsstands and being read. It’s nice to see there’s a place for the lost history of Marvel amongst the youth of today. So yeah, good job guys. Keep it up.

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GANTZ V1 (Manga Preview)

Volume 1 to be released by Dark Horse Manga July 29, 2008
Preview online here.
By Hiroya Oku
Publisher: Dark Horse
Reviewer: Scott Green

There's GANTZ; then there's everything else. Hiroya Oku uses the freedom afforded by manga to erect the perfect adolescent playground, then distorts it for teensploitation done right. The manga opens with Kei Kurono standing on a subway platform thinking back and forth between the airbrushed reality of the skin mag that he's leafing through and the unappealing real world in front of him. In his internal monolog, he has an unkind, cutting assessment of everyone around him.

If the grind of school and unpleasant social interaction wasn't enough to fill Kei with frustration about the mundane grayness of his existence, his long absent childhood friend Masura Kato turns up and reminds him that as a boy, Kei was the kind of fearless, quick thinking kid who seemed never to be bound by the social or even physical rules of the world. This "why the hell aren't I special?!" revelry is brought to an abrupt end. A violent death plucks Kei from a life indistinguishable from that of the despised shmos that surround him. Reincarnated into a sci-fi, alien hunting "game", the kind which only a sociopathic middle-school boy could love, Kei is given sex, danger and significance, and still find it all to be dumbfounding.

Upon their premature deaths, Kei and Kato find themselves in an apartment room that is bare except for a large black sphere. Company includes a dog, a stereotypical male school teacher, an older politician, a mean eyed, eighth grader, a pair of yakuza toughs, and a pretty boy actor/model/whatever. This decidedly male audience takes note when the body of a naked teenage girl begins to materialize, anatomical cross section by anatomical cross section. After some problems with the yakuza fellows and the dog paying the young woman some unwanted attention, the black sphere begins broadcasting text messages. The assembled are given sci-fi-ish guns, "cosplay" style skin-tight black suits, instructions to find a truly ugly kid called an "onion alien", and an hour to do it. The quest precedes in a fashion that is disorganized, gruesome, and ultimately lethal.

In the ICHI THE KILLER movie, the eponymous crybaby sadist rushes into a room and begins eviscerating gangsters with a blade mounted on the back of his foot. CGI blood sprays everywhere. As do chunks of internal organs. In this, Takashi Miike realized a facet of the potential of CGI effects... to bathe in crazy gore. In GANTZ, Hiroya Oku realizes a facet of the potential of comics/manga...to create the ideal extension of adolescent/arrested development fantasy.. hot, naked or scantily clad young women and violence that is graphic enough to provoke a reaction.

Oku's style of illustration is enhanced by a bold, digitally inked presentation. As with Masaki Segawa's (BASILISK) work, the strong lines and gradient shading lends an impression of volume to the manga. There's depth of field to the action and volume to the fleshy characters. At the same time, Oku has an effecting skill at capturing body types and facial features. It's not that his anatomy is great. If you study a panel of characters standing around, you'll notice that some of his intensions for perspective or posture outstrip his ability to maintain precision. Yet, there is always details like a shoulder blade or a badly fitting jacket that lend an impression of reality too each character. In a scene of a severed head flying through the air, the tears welling at its eyes, blood tricking down the nose, the details in ear and the shape of the chin all gruesomely scratch in the suggestion that something terrible has just happen to a person. This similarly pays dividends for less splattery images. When Kei and Kato look around and see a group of strangers willing themselves to be comfortable on the bare hardwood floors of the after-death waiting room, there is a real disquieting impression being walled in people you don't know and don't want to deal with, that you don't find in every instance of the thriller trope concerning being locked somewhere with unfamiliar faces in the midst of a bad situation.

There's no question as to the audience for this manga. Kei Kishimoto, the naked girl, not to be confused with protagonist Kei Kurono, is naked for 25 pages before Kato gallantly gives a jacket to cover herself. This is graphic, fully anatomical nudity, including pubic hear, and plenty of attention to how her breasts react to different postures. As a counter-point, Kurono is briefly naked, at which time his genitals are obscured by a mosaic effect.

Hiroya Oku does not have quite the same, porn credentials as "OH!GREAT" (TENJHO TENGUE, AIR GEAR) or BLACK LAGOON's REI HIROE (aka TEX-MEX), but his primary pre-GANTZ work was sex comedy Hen. Drawing well endowed, sexy, if maybe a bit too baby faced, women is evidently a strength and a passion for Oku. Because the situations of GANTZ are frequently incompatible with glamour and desire, chapter title illustrations are generally pin-up style character shots that don't fit into the story; the cast doing things out of character, such as posing for a group picture. And, more often than not, these focus on the body of a woman, such as an image of Kishimoto posing naked except for the shoulder piece of one of the black suits draped over the top part of her breasts.
Genshiken: The Society for the Study of Modern Visual Culture features a scene in which the character Madarame, the character that most geeks don't want to identify with, but who most will identify with at some point, explains why some one could be turned on by anime/manga. Basically that the media are invoking the abstract idea, but point being, there is a pop culture tradition being invoked here and pornography is cooked into the make-up of GANTZ. To borrow a term from entry on the work of Benkyo Tamaoki in "Secret Comics Japan", a male geek should answer for himself whether they are hard-up enough for GANTZ to be "useful," but Oku seems to be working his hardest to provide the quantity and quality of content for that purpose.

This column has generally been critical of anime and manga with intellectual pretentions that simultaneously leverage base interests in sex and violence. Why does GANTZ get to have its cake and eat it to; indulge in prurient interests and comment on them?
Part of the reason that GANTZ can evade this is a function its position as a senein title. Because it is for older audiences, it is the pure form of the idea. It does not need to reflect the concept from around the corner of content limitations. You can discount something that is neither sufficiently salacious nor smart in its social consciousness. The whole idea that you are enjoying something that the subjects are clearly pained to be participating in, and that that discomfort is part of the work's message is liable to break the contract of a guilty pleasure. When the sex and violence are titillating and shocking respectively and the implications have resonance, then the crossed wires are working in favor of the author's intentions.

One volume in, saying that the implications of GANTZ amount to any sort of well developed thesis is premature. Personally, I'd take the under on the probability that it leverages ideas as intriguing as those of a smarter Afternoon manga like BLADE OF THE IMMORTAL or EDEN, to say nothing of something that isn't driven by the need to offer serialized excitement. Yet, Oku does not willfully ignore the mindset of his readers or the implications of what he is depicting. Almost as and offshoot to the school of serving up wish fulfillment where the results are terrible, there's an engaging dimension to how is fantasies are subject to human nature.

Fans of the GANTZ anime should note that the second half of the animated series was invented for that work. There are cases where anime adaptations of manga leverage the source to build something well formed in the anime's own right. I'd argue that the laudable qualities of the anime version of BESERK are largely distinct from those of the manga. One can debate the very different directions of the FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST anime and manga. Yet, it seems as often as not, an anime adaptation that goes in a different direction from the manga turns out inferior. After 23 volumes, the manga version of GANTZ is still running in its Japanese serialization. I don't have a basis to assess the comparative qualities of the two, complete works, but, based on images floating around (GANTZ cast in uni-wheel mecha versus dinosaurs, GANTZ cast versus men in black, GANTZ cast versus yokai and divinities), I can say that the GANTZ manga becomes stranger than the anime ever was.

Scott Green has been writing for AICN ANIME for close to seven years. If you like what you see here and love anime & manga, be sure to check out his latest AICN ANIME column here.

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HERCULES: THE THRACIAN WARS #2
Radical Comics

The main difference between this book and the rest of the Hercs in comic these days is that this tale is set in ancient times. This opens up a whole new arena for basically the same character to romp around in. In this miniseries by Steve Moore, Herc is still loud and quick to enter a scuffle, but he's also the semi-leader of a pack of warriors that stumble into a situation where they find themselves way over their heads. Conned into training an inexperienced army how to do battle, Herc and his warriors do what they must to survive. Sure, eventually the conniving army leader will get what's coming to him and I can't wait until Herc blasts him with his giant Captain Caveman club, but I'm enjoying the ride. Moore takes his time focusing on the back story of Herc's warriors (this issue focuses on Atalanta) and adding fighting tips here and there, which may prove useful next time I do battle with an ancient army. Admira Wijaya provides vivid art, making all the characters distinguishable from one another (although a recap box may help to keep all of these tricky names straight). Wijaya also does a great job of drawing massive scenes of carnage and scores of people battling one another--a useful skill in a comic like HERCULES. Moore's attention to historical detail is noticed and appreciated here and he makes this series stand out from your typical barbarian fare. - Ambush Bug

ZOMBIE TALES: THE SERIES #1
BOOM! Studios

Well, BOOM!’s gone and given ZOMBIE TALES it’s own series. And if this issue is any indication, it’s about damn time. The anthology book promises much by way of brain-eating and mindless shambling brought to you from some of comic bookdom’s finest horror writers. This debut issue includes a tale from classic horror writer Joe R. Landsdale (drawn by the very capable Eduardo Barreto) focusing on a group of war vets waking up in a hospital full of zombies. This story moves fast and relies more on thrills than chills, but it’s got a busty nurse, so it can’t be all that bad. Story two is from horrormeister Steve Niles. This tale is drawn extremely well by someone I’m not familiar with, Daniel Lafrance. But I’ll be looking for his art from now on. Lafrance does a great job with tiny details and pays a good load of attention to backgrounds. The story itself is pretty creepy, about a husband forced to battle his own zombiefied wife. It’s a fun tale, built on that detail that his wife was a good organizer in life and turns out to be just as good in death. This short had an I AM LEGEND feel to it. The final tale focuses on a story seldom told in zombie lore. It doesn’t focus on the outbreak, but sets the story twenty-five years after it. This is a nicely crafted and fun look into the days after the dead took over the world. Humans are bred like livestock. Zombies have become the dominant culture, and humans are forced to live in exile. This is a fresh tale, the type of story I want to see more of in this book. If this first issue is any indication, ZOMBIE TALES: THE SERIES looks to be the place to find quality zombie stories. - Ambush Bug

GRIZZLY & CATICUS #1
Cool Monkey Press

This quirky little issue looks to be the start of something fun. Written and illustrated by Andrew Edge, this story only hints at the plot, but the hints prove to be intriguing and worth sticking around for another issue. Edge’s artistic style changes from one story to the next, each conveying a different mood. I especially like the slightly warped panels at the beginning as a seemingly innocent game of chess between two men in a park is interrupted by a flying kite. The interaction between the two is ominous indeed. The thot plikens as we cut to a lonely cat lady who receives a letter, a guy in need of toilet paper, and a jogger who meets an untimely end by chainsaw. Not sure what’s going on right yet, but I’m interested. The shift in art is a nice touch. Edge is a talented artist, able to convey mood and tone no matter what the medium. Plus if you’re a cat lover, his watercolor cats are pretty damn cool. – Ambush Bug

PROJECT: KALKI #1
Virgin Comics

Writer Arjun Gaind
Art Vivek Shinde
I’ve always been a fan of mythology, but I’ve usually stuck to Greek and Roman myth. I know next to nothing about Indian mythology, but PROJECT: KALKI seems to be a pretty good introductory course in the subject. Virgin Comics have been making comics with Indian mythological themes for a while now, but this is the first one I’ve been able to get my hands on. Turns out this was a pretty nice read by writer Arjun Gaind, telling the story of the discovery of the remains of the ancient Indian god, Rama, and how that discovery may leads to the eventual destruction or salvation of mankind. Soon the remains are stolen and taken to a doctor whose focus is on cloning. You don’t have to be a doctor of cloning to put together what happens next. Soon the reincarnation of Rama is walking around in modern times. This is a smartly written tale of science, mythology, and philosophy, drawn with realistic care by Vivek Shinde (whose work reminds me a lot of Charlie Adlard and Michael Lark’s). - Ambush Bug

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DAREDEVIL #107
Marvel Comics

Man, this book is like a breath of fresh air. If you thought DAREDEVIL was good with Bru writing it, just take a look at it with the former GOTHAM CENTRAL team of Bru & Rucka, with former GOTHAM CENTRAL artists Michael Lark and Stefano Gaudiano in tow too. It's like old home week here and I loved every panel of it. Bru & Rucka don't miss a beat as they introduce a new crime drama. It's down to earth. It's gritty. And Matt gets called out big time by not one but two heroes for being such a freakin' sop. I've loved Brubaker's DAREDEVIL since he came on board, but with these new additions to the creative team, this is by far, the best book Marvel is producing right now. Those of you who like the flash and flair may not think this one is tops, but the writing is electric. The tension is tangible. And the set-up looks to be another fun ride from this team. - Bug

BATMAN: GOTHAM AFTER DARK #1 (of 12)
DC Comics

I would like to say I stuck around to see the thrilling cliff-hanger, but I just couldn't stay awake that long. The most interesting thing I did see was Kelly Jones channeling Rob Liefield, with anatomy and poses that were downright spooky. When I stared, mouth agape, at one of the last pages, with Batman's cape strewn over crate after crate after crate…I mean, it had to be forty feet long. Jiminy Cricket, folks, I'm all into the impressionistic art, but give me a break. This makes Sam Kieth's BATMAN/LOBO effort look photo-realistic. Also, I'm not sure what's going on with the story, or why this warrants a maxi-series, but Batman vs. Scarecrow does not equal "frightening" (it's on the cover.) Batman getting laid low by a bunch of no-name thugs does not equal "frightening." The only thing I'm really frightened of is that, after we finish the Batman R.I.P. storyline in a few months, and start dealing with whatever "major changes" are coming Batman's way, this series will still be meandering along in a void of mootness. - Rock-Me

KING-SIZE HULK #1
Marvel Comics

This book reads like the deleted scenes from a special edition DVD. With DVD extras, if you like the movie, you'll probably want to see these deleted scenes and will probably enjoy them. If you aren't so keen on the flick, you'll skip them. Same applies to this book. If you are enjoying Jeph Loeb's new red HULK series, you'll probably be interested in this book which tries to fill in some of the gaps in the story so far. But if you're not a fan, skip this book. The stories are pretty throw away and don't really add much to the tale. The one thing that this book has going for it is the art. It's great to see classic artists like Herb Trimpe and Arthur Adams contribute to these short takes. And the Frank Cho She-Hulk/Red Hulk battle is well done too. Good eye candy, but not really filling. - Bug

LEGION OF SUPERHEROES #42
DC Comics

Is it just me, or does this series get more fun and more entertaining each issue? I really was waiting for Jim Shooter to show rust for several months, but I gotta give it up: each month, I pick this up waiting to be lost, or bored, or…well, something other than entertained. And each month…this issue, we had a great moment between Invisible Kid and his folks. Several excellent moments with Saturn Girl and Ultra Boy. I LOVED the absolute glee with which Chameleon Boy reported the "status" of his uniform. Plus Manapul's art, panel to panel, scene to scene, is a great compliment to the writing. Wrap that up with some great battle scenes, Braniac's trademark disdain, the ongoing subplots of politicians trying to shut down the Legion and the ongoing mystery with their ever-adapting opponents…This books owns. Or pwns. Or whatever. I just stopped ending words with "-izzle" last week, so I have no idea how to say it’s cool. But this book ought to rock you, and I would know. - Rock-Me

THE NEW AVENGERS #41
Marvel Comics

What were Ka-Zar and Shanna doing during the Skrull Invasion? I know that question was keeping me awake at night. Here, we have the answer. The good news is that Bendis has shed a little of the talkity and shows that he's learned to let the action speak for itself. The bad news is that, as usual, everyone in the book talks like Bendis. Mamet, Tarantino, and even Kevin Smith can get away from this because usually, when they are going off on one of their rants that all sound like that writer talking despite the actor vomiting them, it's kind of interesting to hear. Here, it's just Bendis being Bendis whether he's wearing a Spider-Man costume or a leather thong bikini or a SHIELD uniform. The story moves at a nice brisk pace, a noticeable improvement from his sluggish DAREDEVIL years. But Bendis needs to pack a few more voices into his bag of tricks, a bag which is proving to be quite shallow the more comics he writes. - Bug

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Logo by superhero

ROUND FOUR: BRACKETS 3 & 4 WINNERS!
SEMI-FINALS: FIGHT 2!

Sixty-four of comic bookdom’s best fighters enter, only one will be crowned THE SECRET TOURNAMENT OF INFINITE @$$-KICKERY Champion. We’re down to our Final Four! It’s comics’ version of March Madness, only…it lasts a bit longer. Ambush Bug here, on behalf of the @$$Holes at AICN Comics, welcoming you all back to a contest unlike any other: boiling fanboyism down to its basics...whether one guy can kick the other guy's @$$.

In this, our semi-final round, we’ll find out who goes to the championship match. But first, let’s see our four contestants battle it out for our final two spots.

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KINGPIN VS SNAKE-EYES

Winning submission by Whimsy

The Kingpin’s office is dark. Wilson Fisk sits in a leather chair looking at the city through a pane glass window. His city.

Fisk puffs his cigar deeply and sets it in the ashtray on his desk. “So you’re here to do what no one else has yet to do…topple the Kingpin.”

Snake-Eyes emerges from the darkness; only the glints of the steel on his jet black uniform are visible.


Outside of Fisk Tower it is calm and serene. It’s as if the city took pause, a breath in anticipation for the result of the inevitable confrontation. The pane glass window shatters and the two men plummet to the street below amidst a rain is tiny shards.

The wind whips past the two men, but they seem to pay no mind as the number of stories lessen between them and the street.

Snake-Eyes chops at Fisk’s head and neck looking for nerve clusters and pressure points.

The Kingpin tries to clasp his hands around the silent commando’s throat.

“You…you would have made a good merc.” Fisk grunts, taking the barrage of fists and kicks from the black-garbed warrior as if they were nothing. “I could have used you.” His grip tightened around Snake-Eye’s throat.

Below, cars speed along, people stroll, all oblivious to their descent.

The blows have no effect on the giant mob boss, so Snake-Eyes tries a different assault, reaching up to Fisk’s hands around his throat and latching on to both of his thumbs. With all of his might, he tears them backwards. Two loud cracks render Fisk’s thumbs useless.

The street moving ever closer, Snake-Eyes uses all of his might to position the Kingpin between himself and the earth. The last few floors of Fisk Tower pass in slow motion. A white Cadillac slows at a stop light. The two lovers look up. A dog yelps, a mugging pauses, a horned hero in red swings by, too late to do anything.

The Kingpin and Snake-Eyes crash through the roof of a van parked out front of the building. The impact is heard for bocks and glass and metal shatter in all directions.

For a moment, there is silence.

A black gloved hand reaches out of the wreckage and pulls the rest of Snake-Eyes out and down to the concrete. Badly injured, but alive, the silent assassin was thankful for the Kingpin’s massive bulk. He absorbed the impact well.

WINNER: SNAKE-EYES

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NICK FURY VS ROBIN

Winning submission by Sam

Even Robin blinked as the flying car trundled past Gotham City’s Iceberg Lounge. This can’t be good, thought the Boy Wonder, tossing a Batarang into the nearest gap between wheel and powering.

Nick Fury followed his hat over the front of the crashing vehicle. The Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. spun round to reveal S.H.I.E.L.D. identification and a pistol.

“You just damaged S.H.I.E.L.D. property, kid. That’s a federal offence, if ya didn’t know.”

Uh-oh, thought Robin. Bruce’ll kill me if I’ve ruined our stake-out. But how could I know who this guy was?

Robin vaulted across the street to the roof of the Iceberg Lounge. What is S.H.I.E.L.D. anyway? Even Bruce doesn’t have that kind of tech. He gazed at the smoking heli-car.

Yup, I’m absolutely certain he’s not on the money. Robin swung down. …I hope.

Nick’s face met Gotham curb as Robin ploughed into his back. Using a tae-kwon-do move, Nick spun his legs round to bring Robin down with him. He sprang up for a haymaker punch, but Robin raised his right foot into Nick’s groin, sending the federal man over his head, up against the still-shaking flying car.

Robin hopped over Fury onto the S.H.I.E.L.D. car. “Better stay down, man,” he said.

Nick reached for his hat. “Guess yer right. I know when I’m beat.”

Struggling up, he kicked the car’s exhaust, hard. “It don’t happen often.”

The car jumped back to life and sped off with Robin on board, ten feet above the road.

Nick lit a cigar. So he was stuck without transport in a foreign city. But the nightclub across the road had enough booze to last the night. How could things get worse?thought Fury.

Just then, a bat-eared silhouette appeared on the opposite roof.

WINNER: NICK FURY

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Thanks to all who participated. If yours didn’t make it, be sure to try, try, and try again. And now, the rules:

@ To even the playing field, contestants are powerless and weaponless upon entering the ring. They must win on fighting prowess and character alone!
@ Check out the fights listed below and send a 300 word (or less) fight scene to us determining who the winner is and how the fight should play out. (Remember: it’s best to SHOW, don’t TELL in these submissions. That means write the scene as if it is happening, don’t tell us what will happen…it makes for more interesting readin’, don’t cha know!).
@ Be sure to indicate winner of each match in the subject line of your email.
@ Submissions are judged by a select group of @$$Holes (hint: we’re looking for the most entertaining one to win, not necessarily the one that has been done and over done in comics before. ORIGINALITY RULEZ!).
@ Winners of each match will be announced in the column a week later (that means if the fights were introduced in Monday’s SHOOT THE MESSENGER Column, the winner will be announced the following Monday, same for Wednesday’s reviews column).
@ Submissions can be sent in to @$$Hole HQ via the link below until midnight Friday.
@ THIS CONTEST IS NOT FOR PROFIT but done out of love for Fan Fic, comic book store trash talk, and online comic book debate.
@ Have fun and enter as many times as you’d like! There can be only one winner, it’s up to you who that turns out to be!

Here is the second Semi-Final Match-up! Be sure to follow the links to find out how our fighters have gotten this far!

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Semi-Final
Championship Match Two
NICK FURY
VS
SNAKE-EYES

He’s one of World War II’s greatest heroes. He’s the former director of S.H.I.E.L.D. He’s the guy who knows the inners workings of the Marvel Universe like no other. He’s Nick Fury and the old one eyed warhorse has done pretty well in this tournament. Round One pitted Nick against fellow vet Sgt. Rock, but the Rock went down like a champ in that one. Round Two placed Fury against his ally the Winter Soldier, but Nick’s crafty nature helped him advance. Fury did the impossible and knocked out Captain America in Round Three taking advantage of the Star Spangled Avenger’s trusting nature. And above, Nick proved that Robin’s lucky streak in this tournament was over.

He’s the first and last man G.I.Joe sends in to get the job done. He’s an expert in every form of combat and martial arts. He’s a skilled ninja. A tragically scarred hero. A commando with one of the coolest costumes around. He’s Snake-Eyes and this Real American Hero has made it to the semi-finals. Round One wasn’t one of his most proudest moments, when Snake-Eyes took down a powerless Daredevil. But it allowed him to press on to Round Two where he was able to best the Black Widow despite her resemblance to his lover Scarlet. In a knock down/drag out third round the silent commando dropped the grisly bounty hunter Jonah Hex and stole his hat. Finally, we found out in the above match-up that a hundred story fall wasn’t going to stop Snake-Eyes from toppling the Kingpin.

Who will advance to our Championship Match? Both heroes have been scarred by war. Both fight the good fight. But only one can come out on top. Will the crafty super-spy be able to take out the silent commando? Or will the man in black prove to be the one with enough fighting prowess to win?

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Send in your 300 word (or less) fight scenes to the link below. Deadline is Friday. Look for the winners of both Semi-Final match-ups in Monday’s AICN COMICS SHOOT THE MESSENGER: News Column. And you can still participate in Monday’s Semi-Final Championship Match.

RED SONJA VS NIGHTWING
Folks, here are your Final Four Combatants in the Secret Tournament of Infinite @$$-Kickery:

@ RED SONJA @ NIGHTWING @ SNAKE-EYES @ NICK FURY @

No more effin’ around, people. We’re looking for the best of the best submissions, so crack those knuckles and type out your most imaginative, most brutal, most original fights! Remember: No weapons. No powers. Just character and fighting prowess. 300 words or less.

Send your fight submissions here!

No weapons or powers, folks! Good luck, have fun, and go kick some @$$!