I am – Hercules!!

25-year-old Billie Piper, who also plays the hottest of the “Doctor Who” sidekicks, gets naked assaying the title role in Showtime’s “Secret Diary of a Call Girl.” Great news, as there are few people we more want to see naked than Billie Piper.

Piper plays Hannah. Belle is Hannah’s hooker name.

The show works for lots of reasons, not the least of which is Hannah is an extremely likable hooker. She’s funny, she’s smart, she’s beautiful, she’s kind to her customers (even the ones who don’t deserve it), she seems to love her work and she has a great work ethic. She reminds me more than a little of Inara Serra, the gorgeous space-hooker on “Firefly.”

Crucially, Belle is an expensive hooker. A recent university grad, she doesn’t have a history of childhood sexual abuse, she’s not addicted to narcotics, and she doesn’t have a real pimp. She has an “agent” named Stephanie, who takes 40 percent off the top and can be more than a little rude, but generally proves an efficient procurer of wealthy clients. Belle made north of ₤100,000 last year.

Based on a blog-turned-book said to be written by a real high-priced London call girl, “Secret” teems in its early episodes with fascinating and surprisingly authentic-sounding details of Belle’s trade.

Hannah apparently got into hooking because it was more fun and paid much much much better than office temping. She seems to like most of her clients but also revels in the challenges of the job and in her skill-set, which includes a faculty for discovering and exploiting her clients’ psychosexual triggers.

Conflict comes with trying to balance her professional life with her personal, which proves more difficult when her ex-lover (now best friend) in a later episode announces his intent to marry his new girlfriend.

The opening credits, set to an Amy Winehouse tune, are supercool.

“Diary” garnered the highest ratings ever for an original series on Britain’s ITV2 late last year, and has already received orders for second and third seasons.

Entertainment Weekly gives it an “A-minus” and says:

… any viewers of Secret Diary of a Call Girl will swear this is a slippery male fantasy. I say take Belle at her word, in her world, and you will find a rather fascinating drama. … The series shows the darker side of Belle's work without getting into that porno-punishing crap so often disguised as morality lessons. The series, like Belle, is far too smart to succumb to such an average attitude.

TV Guide says:

… that rare show that can balance sophisticated humor with graphic vulgarity. It’s titillating without being truly trashy, because it also has heart—for that, thank Billie Piper (formerly of Doctor Who), who brings wit and warmth, but also a crisp and unpredictable edge, to the tricky role of Belle by night/Hannah by day. … Her torrid misadventures have a comically surreal quality, and yet the character is grounded in a pragmatic realism. …

Time Magazine says:

… most fascinating simply as a story about work. In TV comedies, the nuts-and-bolts details of jobs tend to fade into the background. In Call Girl, you learn that prostitution at Belle's level comes with the same demands and annoyances as any other career catering to the high-maintenance wealthy. The show is, in a way, not about sex but about making it (so to speak) in the service economy. …

The New York Times says:

… X-rated chick lit with lots of attitude but not much affect. …

The Los Angeles Times says:

… "Call Girl's" greatest flaw is not that it's exploitative but that it's surprisingly dull. … If anyone can breathe new life into the world's oldest stereotype, it's Piper, last seen in "Doctor Who." With that luscious angular face and knowing sidelong glance, her Belle is quite convincing, to us and we suspect herself, as she explains not only the allure of prostitution but also its various rules and foibles. …

The Chicago Tribune says:

… It tries for depth once in a while, but the occasional moody, wordless montages of the show’s title character, Belle (“Doctor Who’s” Billie Piper), are just self-indulgent, not indicators of complexity. The real pleasures of this half-hour show come from its sly sense of humor and from Belle’s practical yet adventurous approach to her job. …

The San Francisco Chronicle says:

… an intriguing and eminently watchable half hour that has a lot going for it … The series works well on a number of levels. Piper will no doubt be the new nerd queen for sci-fi fans in this revealing portrait (though, truth be told, the nudity is limited, though present). She's excellent as Belle because she has a dry wit about her. …

The Denver Post says:

… The story as adapted to TV is cheeky, funny, intelligent, nasty and boasts the presence of distinguished actress Cheri Lunghi as Belle's madam. …

The Detroit Free Press says:

… if brisk, eloquent writing, and sharp, ironic humor don't bother you, "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" is one of the most imaginative and dryly witty grown-up shows to come along in a while.…

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch says:

… As she charms clients, haggles with her madam and tries to hide her secret life from her family, Belle is such an intriguing yet understandable character that her story would be riveting even without the sex scenes, which are stylized and sensual, even comical — and abundant. With "Secret Diary of a Call Girl," Showtime lives up to its promise to give subscribers TV worth paying for. …

The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette says:

… an intelligent and funny comedy/drama … I’ve seen eight episodes and highly recommend them to those who can appreciate this sort of show, especially when Belle frequently breaks the fourth wall to address the camera. The sex scenes are tastefully filmed and edited and not gratuitous. Pursuers of the purely prurient should seek elsewhere. The occasional bare breast or naked backside hardly even registers. …

The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel says:

… both addictively entertaining and purely fantastic. …

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette says:

… Future episodes elevate the Belle and Ben relationship to a more complicated place, which bears some promise and may give "Secret Diary" the distinction it lacks in early episodes. …

The Hollywood Reporter says:

… You would hope the result might be thoughtful and revealing, but the series is really just a tame peep show for fans who think Piper is a cutie. … Piper milks what she can from trite dialogue by raising her eyebrows to the camera or simply leering. …

Variety says:

… The show has a smart approach similar to that of AMC's conman drama "Hustle," playing off staid British manners and a star character at peace with living on the wrong side of the law. … Piper is a commanding presence …

Showtime sent AICN all eight first-season episodes. You can watch the first two right now.

Or watch it on a TV:

10:30 p.m. Monday. Showtime.

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