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Vern asks Why Watch Dark Knight when you could be watching...

first by ManEatingFish	Jul 19th, 2008 01:49:43 PM
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Always bet on black! by kwisatzhaderach	Jul 19th, 2008 01:52:10 PM

by Tarashian	Jul 19th, 2008 01:55:03 PM
Because this is the definitive Batman film a lot of us have been waiting our entire lives for? Just a guess..
TDK will help put snipes back on the big screen by g-ride9000	Jul 19th, 2008 01:57:20 PM

..VErn by huggerorange	Jul 19th, 2008 01:58:41 PM
Is there any teeny bit of news on Wesley Snipes's GallowWalker??
Am I my brother's keeper!? by Baked	Jul 19th, 2008 01:59:23 PM
Gratuitous Wesley Snipes quote. And it was either that or something stupid about "Suckheads" and I don't want to be THAT douche.
IT'D BE COOL IF HELLBOY JOINED GHOSTBUSTERS by ingloriousjedi	Jul 19th, 2008 02:03:38 PM
IN A MIXED MOVIE SLASH SPINOFF
YES I AM! by dr sauch	Jul 19th, 2008 02:04:29 PM
classic
Hence fourth 19 July Will be known as Nerdukkah by Xiphos_2	Jul 19th, 2008 02:08:12 PM
As it is written so shall it be.
So..... by The Dum Guy	Jul 19th, 2008 02:09:38 PM
Whats this "tax" thing all about, is it like e-mails or faxes? And, why do you have to pay for them?
KILL SWITCH!!! Vern. Are you getting a sneak peek? by Stuntcock Mike	Jul 19th, 2008 02:13:29 PM
Inquiring minds want to know.
I liked The Art of War. by Stuntcock Mike	Jul 19th, 2008 02:14:38 PM
Good addition to the Snipes Legend.
YAWN!! by The Gospel According to Bastardface	Jul 19th, 2008 02:16:38 PM
How can someone write so much about something so disinteresting.
TDK FTW by DarfurFTW	Jul 19th, 2008 02:18:21 PM

Wesley Snipes= the poor man's Chris Tucker. by ChrisTuckersOnlyFan	Jul 19th, 2008 02:24:33 PM

So who pissed into a girl's mouth? by theycallmemrglass	Jul 19th, 2008 02:36:10 PM
I figured some of the other obvious ones (Simpson, Jackson) but not that one. And who slit other throats? I like Vern's idea of Snipes community service by doing Blade 4!
vern by theBigWasted	Jul 19th, 2008 02:40:22 PM
you rule. that is all.
Snipes career in the last decade... by judge dredds fresh undies	Jul 19th, 2008 02:40:48 PM
has to be one of the most spectacular and sad nosedives I've ever seen. What. The. Fuck. Happened!?
Berenger returned for Sniper 2, didnt he? by BitterMan23	Jul 19th, 2008 02:48:53 PM
Also, I think Art of War was the last non-Blade movie from Snipes I saw. I remember it being incredibly boring. Even Michael Biehn sucked.
Making an example of Snipes by antonphd	Jul 19th, 2008 02:54:02 PM
I'll be the first to say it... Obama, you had better fucking bail out Snipes when you are President. I know it will look bad, but what they are doing to him is racist and EVERYONE knows it. Karl Rove didn't pay taxes for 3-5 years and he got off with a fine. This is bullshit what they are doing to Snipes.
btw... by theBigWasted	Jul 19th, 2008 02:56:10 PM
am i the only one on this board who expected more from the dark knight? i mean, ledger's performance was a unbelievably brilliant but what about the rest of the film? the joker had all the best lines. bale's voice as batman was borderline silly at times, CGI dent as two face was laughable and undersold, the ferry scene went WAY too long and had a cheesy, pointless ending, there was virtually no chemistry between rachel dawes and harvey dent and even less between her and batman/bruce wayne. plus when she dies, she doesn't even get a funeral, alfred doesn't even appear to be upset, he simply tells bruce to "endure". in my opinion, nolan SHOULD have killed off gordon. doing so would have hijacked the movie from the audience and we wouldn't know what to expect after that. killing off a major character that we know damn well is supposed to live on would have been a brilliant move that would have allowed him to truly own the story and the audience for the rest of the film. the last 30 minutes of the film were just god-awful with that ridiculous sonar device and two face suddenly forgetting all reason and logic and kidnapping gordon's family. it's not like he suffered brain damage. harvey dent was an intelligent, upstanding idealist who we were shown during the first two thirds of the film to be an extremely rational and strong person. it's simply not believable that he would go that far, that quickly. i buy that he might kill the crooked cops and the mobsters but gordon's family? batman? didn't buy it. one last thing, with all the talk of realism in this film, making gotham and the joker more realistic, why the CGI two face? the last part of the film, once dent became two face felt rushed and crammed into a movie that didn't need it. they should have introduced two face at the very END of the film as the villain for the next batman. just some thoughts, anyone agree, disagree? i'm curious to hear your responses.
DONT FORGET ABOUT ST3 & LOST BOYS 2 DTV. by Redfive!	Jul 19th, 2008 03:02:05 PM
Man what a steaming pile of crap,both.And whats up with all these DTV staring the original actors from way back when.
thanks guys by Vern	Jul 19th, 2008 03:04:42 PM
BitterMan: I think you're right, SNIPER 2! I didn't think of that one. I was thinking UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: THE RETURN but I looked it up and that actually got a theatrical release. Good call BitterMan. Stuntcock: I got a KILL SWITCH review in the works. I want to watch it again first though. I realize I'm sort of on vacation since it won't be for the book, but I got a reputation to uphold. Mr. Glass: the peeing was R. Kelly, the throat slitting was the famous athlete and actor O.J. Simpson. Also, sorry for the Dark Knight joke. I saw DARK KNIGHT and would have to concede that it is in fact better than THE ART OF WAR II: BETRAYAL. So if anybody is trying to choose between those two then yes I would go with DARK KNIGHT. Also THE ART OF WAR II: BETRAYAL is not yet available so that might also aid in your decision. Good luck.
LOST BOYS 2!!!!1 by The Guy Who Slept Through Everything.	Jul 19th, 2008 03:06:48 PM
Dude, I can't wait for that, it's sure to disappoint!
Another piece of Wesley's own advice... by MaxCalifornia.	Jul 19th, 2008 03:08:49 PM
"Money talks, and bullshit runs the marathon". Why didn't Wesley heed the wisdom of Nino Brown?
mr spork... by theBigWasted	Jul 19th, 2008 03:15:16 PM
"this time he has a window seat" hilarious. i laughed out loud.
Snipes should make Leonard Part 7 by The Funketeer	Jul 19th, 2008 03:19:01 PM
He's a good actor. It's too bad he's such a loon.
Write a book Called SNIPEOLOGY!!!!! by Cinemajerk	Jul 19th, 2008 03:29:20 PM
Hey, they did it for Segal with SEGALOGY.... So why the FUCK not? Snipe's life is just as fucked up as Segals and his movies are just as cheesy. In fact, he's the new Black Segal!
Same Stars On DVD by DangerMan	Jul 19th, 2008 03:40:19 PM
Jim Belushi did two Direct To Dvd K-9 sequels. The way to biz now, you're going to see more of this happening. Also, Get Smart has a DTD knockoff called Bruce & Lloyd with a lot of the movie cast in it, including Hathaway.
This is why Vern rules... by rbatty024	Jul 19th, 2008 03:48:09 PM
I will probably never see this film in my entire life. I have zero interest in a DTV Wesley Snipes film. Yet, I read ever word of that review. I knew that it was going to be worth my while because Vern's name was on it.
Seen Art of War: betrayal by floatybrownthing	Jul 19th, 2008 03:53:35 PM

Seen Art of War: betrayal by floatybrownthing	Jul 19th, 2008 03:53:51 PM
It was shit. Seriously, there's a reason it went straight to video.
Why Snipes' Career tanked by Hipshot	Jul 19th, 2008 04:10:16 PM
David Goyer made him promises on Blade 3 that he reneged on once the contract was signed. As a result, the shoot was awful and contentious, Snipes barely emoted, and he was pretty much black-balled in Hollywood. Not a pretty story.
Only cool thing about Art of War was Michael Biehn... by Sledge Hammer	Jul 19th, 2008 04:31:00 PM
...and even he looked like he'd rather be somewhere else, as did Donald Sutherland. Oh, and it was "Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill", if you're gonna play the quote game, it helps to actually get the quote right. Frankly, I expected better from you Vern. Remember a guy called Wesley Snipes? Used to be quite popular in the late 80's through to about the late 90's. Ironically his downward spiral seemed to have started with his back to back efforts of the tv movie Futuresport and the theatrical release of the original Art of War. And ever since we've been stuck with that guy instead, a Wesley Snipes who apparently can barely act and couldn't pick a decent role or film to save his fucking life, or career, or tax debt. Sad really.
Man I wish he'd do a Blade TV series.....yes I am serious by Stormwatcher	Jul 19th, 2008 04:39:47 PM
Something out of Snipes cuz man, he is totally wasted. Segal deserves his fate.
How come no one gathers all these DTV guys up in one film? by Stormwatcher	Jul 19th, 2008 04:40:49 PM
I mean I'd pay to see Jean Claude, Dolph, Wesley, Segal and others star in a movie together a new dirty dozen. Maybe the bad guy could be an A lister and do it for kicks.
Vern by Reelheed	Jul 19th, 2008 05:03:13 PM
You are a true SOB for not sticking the title of the film in the header. I just wasted 30 seconds of my life reading this "joke". Well - Ha fucking Ha. I only get one of these fuckers y'know! cries
Vern by GilbertRSmith	Jul 19th, 2008 05:05:22 PM
Prepare to be less impressed with Wanted: Bombs on rats appeared in the early Ronny Yu flick The Postman Fights Back, predating Wanted by a decade or two. It had the added touch of the hero being emotionally attached to the rats and treating them as comrades in arms, nobly sacrificing themselves for the greater good.
LOST BOYS 2 FTW!!! by Mike_D	Jul 19th, 2008 05:12:35 PM
cant wait
There, I said it....... by VicSage	Jul 19th, 2008 05:51:29 PM
Wesley gotta eat!!!!! Sorry, but it's utterly appropriate in this case.
SNIPES FOR JOKER IN DARK KNIGHT 2 by Prossor	Jul 19th, 2008 06:08:15 PM
search your feelings, you KNOW IT TO BE TRUE.
No Space Chimps reviews? by Nasty In The Pasty	Jul 19th, 2008 06:49:54 PM
Talk about dropping the ball...!
that second-to-last oaragraph is hilarious... by the milf lover	Jul 19th, 2008 07:12:41 PM
That's a great review Vern! For a movie that probably doesnt deserve such an effort on your part! we need more of that, made me laugh out loud a few times..
second-to-last Paragraph of course by the milf lover	Jul 19th, 2008 07:13:36 PM
damn, why do I never catch these typos before posting?
Damn You Michael Bay by MCMLXXVI	Jul 19th, 2008 07:38:46 PM
Damn You Michael Bay
MCMLXXVI you have imposters by Prossor	Jul 19th, 2008 08:57:33 PM
did you know there was another guy who broke out in this big dramatic post about how he's been on this anti-bay crusade and all, then ousted as an imposter. if you acknowledge that just repeat your post.
On behalf.... by durikaj	Jul 19th, 2008 10:10:31 PM
of "Dark Knight"-watching, Nerd-Hanukkah-celebrating geeks everywhere, learn how to spell "SUN TZU." Even us nerds know there's no "G" at the end of "SUN." See all the rest of you Nerds at the Con on Wednesday!
You're seriously asking this question?!?! by ColloquiallyBorn	Jul 19th, 2008 11:38:57 PM
Why so serious?!
snipes' next role in WARSAW SYMPHONY looks good by ironic_name	Jul 20th, 2008 12:29:51 AM
hes a jewish piano playing karate expert, with robot hands!
Great Review Vern. by Munro Kelly	Jul 20th, 2008 12:33:12 AM
Always love your reviews. I was one of the people who was urging you to watch Undisputed 2, a few months back. I knew you would like it. I wish Isaac Florentine would get a big budget break from Hollywood, so he can show what he can do. Remember when people like Joel Silver would have taken a chance on him?
http://tinyurl.com/6d6ude by ironic_name	Jul 20th, 2008 01:06:39 AM

by whatyoufear	Jul 20th, 2008 02:43:57 AM
fuck YOU, "Vern"! I'm already point two seconds away from never visiting this site again due to bullshit ads (and now POP-UPS??).. now I see shit like "why watch the best fucking movie released in 2008 while it's still in theaters when you could be watching some Wesley Tripe BULLSHIT?"... fuck you, man. Most retarded headline ever.
Stormwatcher, try the zone by ironic_name	Jul 20th, 2008 02:47:08 AM
sign up and discuss DTV films with the connoisseurs http://tinyurl.com/5funva trust us, we know our eric robertses from our christopher lamberts http://tinyurl.com/6pwb53
Stormwatcher, try the zone by ironic_name	Jul 20th, 2008 02:47:10 AM
sign up and discuss DTV films with the connoisseurs http://tinyurl.com/5funva trust us, we know our eric robertses from our christopher lamberts http://tinyurl.com/6pwb53
Munro by Vern	Jul 20th, 2008 02:48:06 AM
Joel Silver and Isaac Florentine, that's a good idea. But hey, it's good to have one trustworthy DTV director. I'm looking forward to his upcoming one called NINJA where I believe Scott Adkins will be playing some sort of a ninja. And I guess it will be competing with Joel Silver's production of NINJA ASSASSIN, which does not have Adkins but does have Sho Kosugi.
whatyoufear by Vern	Jul 20th, 2008 02:49:16 AM
I believe it was either Mark Twain or Foghorn Leghorn who said, "It's a joke, son."
shit by ironic_name	Jul 20th, 2008 02:49:16 AM
sorry.
Baby keeping me up, writing at 1am, Vern what are you doing up m by Stormwatcher	Jul 20th, 2008 03:16:37 AM
No excuse, get some sleep. What about Chaos? Is it worth the time? I remember a Dolph Lundren DTV set in the desert where this little boy runs splashing through a puddle looking back, that scene always stuck with me for some reason. Total stream thinking here.....hmmm...Fortress was DTV right? That was a good Lambert movie.
Wesley fucking Snipes!!! by Motoko Kusanagi	Jul 20th, 2008 03:19:54 AM
Welcome back, brotha!
VERN by whatyoufear	Jul 20th, 2008 03:20:43 AM
it damn well better be a joke, dad. sorry for flipping out on you, but DAMN. like getting kicked in the nuts for saving a life. PS I still love YOU. :)
Is this article meant to be deeply ironic? by V'Shael	Jul 20th, 2008 04:29:24 AM
Cause I'm not laughing. Wesley tax-evader Snipes to appear in crappy Direct-To-Video sequel, because the dude has bills to pay. Not exactly cool news.
So Joseph Rusnak is doing american DTV now? by DerLanghaarige	Jul 20th, 2008 05:32:35 AM
I remember that he was supposed to be some kind of hot shot in Germany a few years ago, when he tried to establish the style of gritty crime drama here in Germany. The series he made even was shot with a shakycam, long before people got used to it, which is why nobody watched it and everybody hated it.
Vern, the pace Seagal makes films you can write another book in by Stuntcock Mike	Jul 20th, 2008 06:05:11 AM

3 Years by Stuntcock Mike	Jul 20th, 2008 06:05:35 AM

Art Of War 2: The IRS Strikes Back by LaserPants	Jul 20th, 2008 07:39:36 AM
This would be the Empire Strikes Back / The Dark Knight of the series in which Wesley, brought low by the Internal Revenue Gestapo, is arrested for tax evasion. Will he escape? Find out in ART OF WAR 3: RICH CELEBRITIES EVENTUALLY GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING to find out! But I joke. Snipes rules. Too bad Blade 3 sucked so hard.
Stormwatcher fortress was cinema - so was f2! no shit! by ironic_name	Jul 20th, 2008 07:59:16 AM
and in the zone, we have two lane blood top, a movie we want to see made starring wesley as kicker, a skydiving fbi agent, c thomas howell as a skydiving drug dealer, eric roberts and dolph, not to mention trejo as el presidente! marc dacascos cameos! check the poster. http://tinyurl.com/5r64vy
Dark Knight review by Vern by half vader	Jul 20th, 2008 08:39:03 AM
C'monnnnnn maaannnnnn!
Half vader by DerLanghaarige	Jul 20th, 2008 08:52:24 AM
He reviewed it on his website. (geocities.com/outlawvern)
link hopefully fixed - http://tinyurl.com/6lnmao by ironic_name	Jul 20th, 2008 11:28:08 AM

the problem with the first Undisputed by Spandau Belly	Jul 20th, 2008 02:42:49 PM
I think Walter Hill was going for a story about two different types of underdogs put against each other. But Walter Hill wrote himself into a corner with the Rhames character. He had to leave Rhames's guilt in his rape trial ambiguous because if he said made him guilty it would just make him totally unsympathetic. If they made him innocent then it would look like Hill was making some sexist statement about the validty of rape charges in general. It was obvious why Snipes was an underdog. He was in jail for a sensible crime, and for a long period of time during which he didn't get access to the training and diet that a pro like Rhames did. And he'd never fought a big champ like Rhames. I think Rhames was supposed to be an underdog because he was a celebrity put in prison where nobody pities him because he's rich and everybody wants to take a shot at him because he's famous for fighting. But I think they should've made his crime something like he snapped and decked a paparazzi and accidently killed the guy. Ya know, something that surely annoys the shit out famous people but that us regular folk can't relate to or pity. But not having some gold-digging chick trump up rape charges on him so that he'll settle out of court, because even though it probably happens a lot, it still comes across as sexist in a movie. Anyway, the second one was awesome. I love how they got Michael Jai White to take over the Rhames role and even though he looks younger than Rhames and shows more energy and agility, they only keep talking about how old and washed up he is. Most of his dialogue is telling people to go fuck themselves and there's a brilliant moment where Scott Adkins shows that he's painted a little mural to honour the great tradition of asskicking through the ages. They also played it smart by making Adkins more of an Ivan Drago type who actually wants a fair fight and is just trapped in a big corrupt system. I'm greatly looking forward to his starring role Undisputed 3.
Vern, please review STARSHIP TROOPERS 3 by Immortal_Fish	Jul 20th, 2008 03:13:26 PM
Must read the opinion of the king of DTV reviews.
This wa out awhile agoas with Mutant Chronicles. by Stalkeye	Jul 20th, 2008 05:09:38 PM
Didn't really care to watch either. However I wish Snipes as succesful comeback in the near future.(If not Blade, Marvel wouldn't have had the balls to greenlight their other franchise based films.)In the meantime I'm looking forward to Gallowswalker (Blade meets high noon or every other fucking western.)
I don't say "evasion" by Geekgasm	Jul 20th, 2008 05:32:54 PM
I say "avoision". "Avoision", it's a crime, look it up.
How about Almost-Was-ology by clubside360	Jul 20th, 2008 07:55:23 PM
Lots of great suggestions here Vern, but why not throw in the whole lot of sorta-successes and might've beens into a new book: Van Damme, Lundgren, Snipes, hell, even Brandon Lee (gotta love Rapid Fire)... and Vern, check your email for a message from me!
stop dissin' OJ Simpson... by lynxpro	Jul 20th, 2008 10:13:39 PM
...anyone with half a brain knows that his adult son was the real killer. Obviously, there weren't anyone with half a brain working in the LA DA's office back then, and probably still to this day.
Thanks Der by half vader	Jul 20th, 2008 10:35:22 PM
I'm on my way...
UNDISPUTED / STARSHIP TROOPERS 3 by Vern	Jul 20th, 2008 11:12:43 PM
Good points about UNDISPUTED, Spandau. I think it's cool that Adkins will be the main character in part 3, so in each chapter it follows the antagonist from the previous chapter. Anybody know if another series has done that? Immortal Fish, I've been dying to get ahold of a screener for STARSHIP TROOPERS 3 but I haven't succeeded yet.
Worst Movie Ever by Reverend Toast	Jul 21st, 2008 08:27:51 AM
Only once in my life did I ever want to walk out of a movie and that was during the Art of War. Seriously, it was awful. From misquoting the book, to purposely focusing off the actors to be sure to get the nudie picture in focus during a pan, to the attempt to make a Face/Off like battle by having the duelists bracing eachother by leaning against one another while reloading... only to start doing hand to hand combat a second later... not to mention the blatent ripoff of the "twist" in Mission Impossible (Which I didn't agree with plotwise... but at least it was a surprising one... in AoW it was completely predictable)... Art of War was supposed to be Jet Li's first American Picture... but even he didn't think it was going to be good.
What Snipes needs..... by goatfever2007	Jul 21st, 2008 02:23:11 PM
..is a Batman/Blade crossover movie.

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