Also, Jason doesn't look nearly beastly enough. I also think there ought to be more raw brutality in a Friday the 13th remake. You know, Jason breaking arms and legs and shit with his bare hands. Quick deaths and decapitations don't resonate with audiences like they used to. You have to make the characters suffer some horrific abuse before dispatching them.

Soundtrack by White Zombie.

I better stop, before they start taking notes.

Wake me when this bullshit farce is over. Is there any REAL entertainment news happening today????

Micheal Bay, you're still regurgitated pig vomit.

Good.

It reminds me of the time someone said that a remake of the birds would have PeeWee Herman riding along Tippy's boat singing 'The bird is the word...'

Good times...

He can even get his head to turn into the wolf image and do the whistle.

Then he goes back to normal and slices her in half.

I just hope the gore and nudity is dailed up.

Way up.

After watching the trailer for that I sort of got my hopes up. But once I saw it in the theater, It felt a little flat. I enjoyed the gore and such, but left sort of feeling let down by what could have been.

It did have that one good shot of the girl in the van who ventilated her head.

Agree with Mr. Profit in laying out a little groundwork for Jason's character. Maybe flesh out his past from attacking girl in boat at the end of part one and living in the woods in part two.

Why call it a remake and then remake part 3? Stupid fucking shit.

Embiggened, indeed. What crazy Jason needed was to be ensmallened! Ensmallened, and with an appropriately sized machete, much like Yoda's kiddy meal lightsabre. Also, all the sluts he kills should be little sluts. That small whore from Total Recall would be perfect for this. Let her get fucked, smoke a little weed, then cut her head off or possibly impail her on a very small harpoon.

This new film is going to be boring. And who wants another boring Friday The 13th adventure. Not me.

Cut his fucking dick off!

Wouldn't everyone like to see a film in which Franklin T Vorhees charges around Bristol city centre, hacking the arms of everyone who is walking and texting and not looking where they're fucking going? There's a tonne of drunk sluts here, too, they all come out at night and wear clothes that are far too small for our cool evenings. Movie me would love to cut all their heads off and that.

Impales victim..lights fuse..Bam!

Jason just stands there as entrails and smoking hair fly everywhere.

Jason comes flying out of the woods in a Helicopter with machete blades instead of regular ones.

Prius and sexually active teens chewed alive by Jason's copter.

Jason gets Friends of OPEC award. End scene.

Camp instructors arrive and start fucking as soon as they get out of the car.

Jason pauses mid-curl and turns away from the mirror (which reveals rock-hard abs and tattoo of mother). He hears the bumping of uglies and smells the stench of tuna.

The shed door flies open and Jason is driving a 2010 Chevrolet Camaro with bright yellow paint job and Chevy logos fully visible.

Counselers stop banging long enough to get back in their 2010 Caddilac Escalade and a dramatic chase ensues around Crystal Lake.

Counselers throw dynamite at Jason as he dodges the explosions.

The camera pans to his foot tramping down on the gas as he whips out a 10-foot machete through his window.

Kids are beheaded in a hellish explosion and Caddy is torn in half.

Camera pans around Jason as he steps out of the car and cocks head like RCA dog.

Right before the ten-foot machete blade hits, they grab hands..."We ride together, we die together..."

He takes a big crow hop and swings for the fences, cutting through sexually active teens and any objects that might be in the area of mentioned sexually active teen.

What would Jason do if he met a virgin that refused to do drugs?

Would this cause him to lock up with confusion? Head stuck in the side position as wonders what the hell to do with her.

Jason is a mid-level meth and weed dealer who isn't quite rish enough to buy off the local Crystal Lake cops.

This frustration has caused him to dip into his own stash, thus breaking the first rule of dealers.

This extreme paranoia causes him slaughter drug-needing teens instead of selling to them, which would give him enough money to buy off the cops.

It's a viscious circle....

cartoon physics ftl.

Of course the crowds that went to see it probably didn't care, but I always wanted to know.

The guy gets tired and says 'Give me your best shot.'

Cuts to scene of guy on the ground and a head comes flying down.

Awesome...

Sort of like two 40-year-olds swapping drunk college stories...

I bet Jason sits around his old shed and thinks up a new way to kill and can't wait for the next season's crop of sexually-active campers to show up.

Gets out his best pair of Dickies coveralls, polishes the 10-foot machete and makes sure his mask is on straight.

Brushes his tooth as well...

5-Rick's Head Squeeze / Eye Popping Out in Part 3

4-Paula getting cut up in the cabin in Part 6.

3-Melissa getting the axe to the face in Part 7

2-The random camper girl in the sleeping bad who is smashed against a tree in Part 7

1-Andy getting split in half with the machete as he walks on his hands in part 3

Also forgot about when Jason breaks into that girl's kitchen and kills her with the ice pick.

He doesn't just stab her, he slowly eases it into her head.

In which even Jason knows jerking off will make lonely kid's dick bigger and bigger. It also allows the kid to learn just when to pull out so he can give the girl longer pleasure without getting her pregnant.

So Jason allows this investment to grow into a future stud who will bring a chick to the woods and he can kill two instead of one.

Piece of cake.

Also use toilet paper to clean up, as mother will find cum rag no matter where you hide it when she does laundry.

Also to wash up very good afterwards, as fellow males will recognize bleachy smell of giz and start wondering if they were the ones that forgot to wash up.

Eventually, Jason would use the jerk-off kid as a set up to trap other campers. The jerk-off kids would be alone crying somewhere out of the way in camp. Some a-hole counselor or campers would hear him and start making fun of him, while Jason snuck up behind and killed them! Then they'd both leave man deposits on the corpses.

At the end of bay's Friday the 13th, Jason would get into one of the camper's corvette's and speed off into the distance, heading towards another camp to hack up and blaring out some "awesome" Aerosmith song.

Jason: "I don't know..."

Lonely Kid in Woods:" Awww C'mon, please!"

Jason:"If you're good."

Lonely Kid in the Woods: "Yaaayy!"